When I was a young nurse, I was placed in charge of a medical-surgical unit. One day, I was given some very good advice by one of the surgeons. He told me never to place two patients who had the same surgery in the double occupancy rooms. He explained there was always too much of a temptation for comparison between the patients. I came to learn that he was right.

Two hospitalized patients, roommates, would quite naturally talk to each other to pass the time. It was only natural for one to say, "So what kind of surgery did you have?" If they discovered their roommate had the same type of surgery, the inevitable questions would follow. If one patient was doing "better" than the other, by ambulating or eating better, then the one who was not doing "better" would worry and feel something might be wrong with her or him. It was not at all unusual for patients to talk to each other in the hallways, standing behind walkers or leaning on doorways, comparing, worrying, displaying anxiety - human nature at work again.

It is a deep human need to seek solace in times of anxiety and fear. I think we do it in order to survive the various rigors of life. Certainly, worry about our own health falls deeply into that category. Over the years of my nursing career and my own health problems, I have come to know for certain that we are all individuals. The way I react to a medication will be different than the way you might react to the same medication. Have you ever read a Physicians Desk Reference? You know, it's that huge drug guide always at the nurse's station or in the doctor's office? Reading that book can scare you to death. Every possible side effect ever known to mankind has to be listed there, somewhere. That doesn't mean you or I are going to react that way. It only means someone, somewhere has.

I am uniquely me. You are uniquely you. Thank God for that. We can share symptoms. We can share pain, rashes or other manifestations of our disease but we will each progress in our own fashion, at our own pace. That is one of the reasons I personally have a problem with support groups. I know there are some excellent ones out there and I have even been asked to speak to a few. I must confess, however, that the ones I have attended over the years have been more like contests. "Mirror, mirror on the wall. Am I the sickest one of all?" Patients trying to top other patients with their horror stories. Does it matter? I think that's why I was drawn to Healthtalk.com - straightforward information as well as a personal touch. It's good to hear another patient's story without this being the "Miss Sick America" pageant.

I can only feel my own pain. I cannot feel yours, no matter what some politicians claim. I can empathize with you. I most certainly can sympathize with you, but it doesn't matter at all who is the sickest one of all. If this is a contest then the grand prize is a doozie. Who wants to win that one, anyway?

We may take some of the same medications. We may follow the same advice regarding rest, exercise, and diet supplements, but we are still different. That is why young or old medical personnel who refer to patients as their diagnoses should be zapped. You and I are not the "Appendectomy in Room 12," nor are we the "Back pain in Exam Room 5." I once had the pleasure of firing a nurses aide who, in a loud voice, bellowed from one end of the hallway to the other, "So, what's with the old geezers in room 20?" Obviously, nursing was not her calling. I think I did her a favor.

I realize it is difficult to feel special when you are sitting on that cold, hard exam table in a paper gown. Sometimes they throw in a paper belt for that long walk up the hall to the lab. Big deal. It is intimidating and not at all conducive to dignity or self-confidence, but it is the exact time you need to remember you are you. Unique, special and like no other. God bless those physicians who have cloth gowns and let you also have a sheet for warmth and modesty.

I know it is very difficult for physicians who see anywhere from 20 to 60 patients each day. I believe it is up to us to remind them and other medical personnel that we are each unique, deserving of their time and skills and always seeking the truth as it pertains to us. Never settle for second-rate care. Always seek compassion, fairness and knowledge. I love a doctor who says, "I don't know, but I will find out or send you to someone who does know," don't you?

Sue Falkner Wood

Sue's blog can be found at http://blog.healthtalk.com/chronicpain/

For more information, articles and programs about living with chronic pain please visit http://healthtalk.com/