When I was in the fourth grade all of us children had those little kiddie sort of desks. You know the kind that's a chair attached to a desk with screws so that you have this sort of immovable chair/desk combination? Well, as I kid I always wondered why we had such inflexible desks in school in the first place when we were all so accustomed to eating at tables that had movable chairs. I mean, why force children to sit in such cramped, fixed furniture? What guides the school district's decision in propagating such stringent furniture? I thought about these questions for awhile (because apparently I don't have a life) and I came up with a few reasons for such desk dispersion:

1) Fixed desks keep children fixed. In movable chairs children can move around readily and adjust their positions frequently. Now that sounds like a good thing, and it is. We don't want to take away a child's mobility. But the freedom to move can be a huge detriment as well, especially in elementary schools. Teachers would have to put up with the constant scooting the chair back and scooting the chair forward. There's the ever precarious urge that children have (don't we all) to lean back in their chairs and risk their heads to cement floors. Then there's the noise factor: the constant squeaking of chair, the nose that's generated from people constantly scooting their chairs back and forth, and the loud bang that occurs when Tiltee finally does crash to the floor. So having such inflexible chair forces kids to remain still. There's no scooting, no squeaking, and no tilting, which means, ultimately, no falling. 2) There's a certain homogeneity that accompanies the chair/desk combination that could be beneficial to the classroom. Have you ever noticed that when you have desks that have removable chairs, all of the chairs are different somehow? You have the one chair that has only three legs (probably the result of a fateful tilting). You have the chair that squeaks unmercifully every time you move in. You have the chair that, no matter how much you try to balance, tilts at an odd angle. And then you have that lone, plush, very comfortable-looking chair that you have no idea where it came from, but that everyone wants and fights over. You've experienced this before right? Well in a school setting, the diversity of the chairs could spell chaos as nine-year olds throw pencil sharpeners and chalkboard erasers and nose-dive for the lone plush chair or grow frustrated and hurl the squeaky chair out of the window or somersault dangerously out of the ever-tilty chair. Okay, I know it's never that bad, but I have seen a guy throw a chalkboard eraser. But with the chair/desk combination everyone would have the same desk and you would never have to worry about the potential eraser melee that could erupt in the classroom. 3) The chair/desk combo (what is this thing's name?) encourages order. Why? Because there's limited desk space for disorder. In regular desks there's such an expanse of desk space that you could have pencils going one way, papers going the other way, and still have enough room to put your head down for a quick pre-lecture nap. In the chair/desk combo (seriously, what's this thing's name?) the desk space is cut down by half, forcing you to choose between paper/pencil space and nap space. I usually opted for nap space or let the paper/pencil space substitute as my nap place, but you could just play around with it. But the lack of available spaces forces students to utilize the space that they do have more wisely. 4) There's really no fourth reason because I couldn't think of one.

So what am I saying here? Am I encouraging the forced homogeneity of school furniture? Am I endorsing a stringent culture of immobility and inflexibly in the classroom? It seems that way, but not at all. I'm not denying that the chair/desk combo isn't a great tool for the elementary school setting, but I have to share an alarming fact with you guys now: people are actually using the CD desk (that's what I'm going to call it-new name!) in the college setting as well. Seriously. I'm fourteen years older, X-amount of pounds heavier, and two-and-a-half feet taller than I was in the fourth grade, but I am in my fourth year of college and am still sitting in chairs similar to the ones I had in the fourth grade. Is that not ridiculous? Are you not as outraged and embittered as I am? Okay, maybe outraged and embittered are too strong of words, but I am miffed about the whole situation I tell you. I'm tired of the inflexibility of the CD desk. I want space to move around in. I want, and desperately need, more leg room.

I don't want to be fixed (in any kind of way). I want the freedom to scoot and squeak, and yes, the freedom to tilt my chair oh so precariously. I want elbow room and nap space and the opportunity to nose-dive for any available lush, comfortable-looking chair. I'm 22 years old people, and I want a movable desk. I want it! I want it! I want it! I want it! I want it! Hm. Hm. Sorry about that. My outrage and bitterness is showing. But in all honesty people, I think it's safe to say that most people (especially people over the age of ten) would enjoy a little more freedom and flexibility in their furniture. I know I do. The CD desk is great for pre-pubescent kids who don't know any better. But for the rest of us, we know better. And we want better. We want it! We want it! We want it! We want it! We want it!