When "The Dog Ate My Homework" Just Doesn't Cut It
Telling someone why something wasn't done isn't helping the situation. In the real world, your children aren't going to be able to tell their bosses that their dog ate their report. They are going to have to come up with a way to fix it. They need to learn how to be problem solvers and get rid of the habit of making up excuses.
As with any childhood learning, this lesson should begin at home. Teach your children that their first instinct shouldn't be an excuse but a solution to the problem. If you ask them to clean their room and later is not done, the only solution is to go clean it right away. Saying that they wanted to watch their favorite show is not an excuse for not doing what they said they would do.
If a child gets in trouble at school and tells you that he or she isn't really responsible for what happened, it is your duty as a parent to talk to the teacher and find out what really happened. So often parents want to believe only the best of their children and find it impossible to believe that they had been misbehaving. It is natural for a child to try to avoid blame, but you need to take responsibility.
If children get in the habit of making excuses, they may not even try to do whatever it is they are supposed to be doing. In some cases they put more effort into making up a "good" excuse than it would have taken them to just do what they were supposed to. This habit leads to laziness and can negatively affect the way your child approaches goal setting. You haven't failed at your goal if you don't reach it right away, but you have already failed if you don't even try. If your children make an excuse for each time they fall short of reaching their goal, they will never reach it. Instead of feeling sorry for themselves they need to figure out ways to get closer to reaching their goals. This is just another aspect of problem solving that is affected by making excuses.
Use the example of the scientific method of problem solving that children learn in school. You have to state the problem, come up with a possible solution and then test your idea. There is no part in the method that says "Come up with an excuse for why this problem can not be solved." You need to push your children to make the effort to think thing through instead of pushing off their responsibilities.
Related Tags: children, parenting, excuses
Solomon Brenner has been teaching martial arts to children and adults for ten years, and holds a 6th degree black belt in Kenpo Karate. During that time he has held countless seminars on subjects such as self-esteem in children and teens, behavior and discipline, praise vs. punishment, career motivation, goal setting, parenting, and self defense. He has spoken to elementary schools, women's groups, scouting organizations, civic associations and corporate seminars. Using these experiences, he has recently authored Black Belt Parenting, a motivational how-to book for parents.
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