What Not To Do About Your MidLife Crisis - Part 2


by Dave Schoof - Date: 2007-02-03 - Word Count: 713 Share This!

In the previous post I outlined things to avoid doing when working with your MLC. I went into detail on the first two. They are don't:

ignore itjump into re-action Today, I will do into detail on the rest. Don't:

drug it make fun of ittake it on alone Drugging it:

This is another common reaction that only serves to exacerbate the suffering over time. Not understanding the cause of our pain, we do things to just make it go away or at least numb it. It's a particular form of ignoring the messages of the MLC and doing something to just stop the hurt. The "drugs of choice"? Most people aren't surprised with the main ones: Abuse of alcohol or drugs (both prescription and illegal). But there are some others. Sex: extramarital affairs and obsessions that becomes harmful. TV and the internet: more and more research is showing the dangers of isolation and other issues from trading in your real world life for hundreds of hours of unreality. Other normal activities taken to an extreme to numb the pain include excessive shopping and buying new toys (combine with TV's QVC and you get a double dose). Problems from excessive gambling, also available online and on TV, is growing. Even the weekend warrior who becomes obsessed in an extreme sport or becomes a fanatic in a new physical endeavor is something to watch out for. It's the obsession and extreme behavior that I am pointing to and that is the issue here. Any one of these pursuits or activities is normal and beneficial. But taken into the extreme and for the purpose of moving us away from our direct experience of our life is the concern. Just like the jumping into action "re-acting" to the pain signals, this is another form of ignoring what you might really need.

Making fun of it:

This is just another form of not directly working with your MLC. Humor is an interesting thing. There is always a seed of truth in most jokes. That is what makes it ironic or clever. So this is different than ignoring all of the signals you are getting in your MLC, but it's another way of avoiding dealing with them. We all know the jokes and parodies of the male midlife crisis. We enjoy the TV sitcoms that regularly milk it for all they can. Don't dismiss the signals that something important is happening - either for yourself or others. We all enjoy humor about the struggles in life, but, when taken to an extreme, it trivializes what is really happening. So watch out if every time your life sends you a call for help, you brush it off with a joke or quip. You are only fooling yourself.

Taking it on alone

It is really hard to navigate a MLC alone or without support. When we are in the middle of our stuff - all the things that we do automatically to cope with life's difficulties, it's very challenging to see how to take action wisely. We are habitual in how we react to things. A MLC is a call to react in a new way. It is a signal to change. And change is very hard to do alone. Another piece of advice from my website suggests taking a look at people who are happy and energized with how they are living their lives. If you listen to their story, they will tell you that they know the disquiet you are struggling with very well. They might tell you they did the same things you are doing now and how it didn't work. They will then tell you they didn't ignore their disquiet, but "listened" to it to learn what it had to tell them. Then they found their "true north" and charted a new course. And they will tell you they did not do it alone. They couldn't have. It takes help. This is a journey. And like any great journey, you need help and support. There are lots of resources out there - site like this for information and resources. Coaches like me, therapists, self development programs, and spiritual trainings and classes. Don't wander into your wilderness without a map and a compass.

Avoid these and listen to your unease - it has a lot to tell you.


Related Tags: personal development, personal growth, mens issues, midlfife crisis, disquiet

Dave Schoof is an expert on making changes in life that stick. He works with professional men in the middle of their lives who are unsatisfied with how it's going.

Why focus on men? He is interested in the unique stressors on men in today's world. After working with hundreds of men and women professionals, he discovered that there is a struggle that is distinctly male.

So much of men's identity is tied up with success and work, that when neither is meaningful nor reflects their true selves, there is a real disillusionment. Learning from his work with many men and from the experiences from his own disquiet, he focused his services to help men navigate these challenges.

For more information on the Disquiet and how to get a report on his ongoing study, visit http://www.thedisquiet.com

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