Help - My Overactive Sex Drive is Killing My Marriage!

by Dan and Jennifer - Date: 2007-08-29 - Word Count: 1376 Share This!

Are you a man with an overactive sex drive?

With all of the Viagra and Cialis commmercials, you might think that men just can't get it up any more, but that's not always the case.

There are many married men, and men in relationships, who just can't get enough. This can be a real issue if your partner is not sexually matched with you.

So what do you do if you find yourself in this situation? Here are some great ideas to help you, and your partner, enjoy sex fully.

The Question

I know there are a lot of people who wish they had this problem... I wonder if there is any way my body is over producing sex hormones. I am 52 years old, not 19, and my sex drive is beyond explaining.

I am very healthy and work out 4 to 5 times a week at the gym, and want sex ALL the time. You guys crossed anything like this before?

And yes, I am married and way over sexed for my wife.

The Answer

Wow! I bet there are a lot of guys who WISH they had your sex drive - at least if all the male sexual enhancement drug commercials are any indication. While I can't speak to what is a normal sex drive and what is not, here are some ideas to help you find a workable solution for you and your wife.

Find a solution together with your wife, not alone

Regardless of which way you go with this, the most important thing is to be vary open and honest with your wife about how you feel, what you're experiencing, what your needs are, and your feelings toward her.

Don't be judgmental or make her feel inadequate in any way. That can only go bad.
She has to know that you still love her just as much, but you have some very strong sexual needs that aren't being met.

Explaining to her how you truly feel and what your situation is should hopefully gain some understanding and empathy from her. This of course depends on how open and up-front your relationship is. We share everything, and discuss all of our issues and concerns together. Most couples don't, and that's reflected in the 50%+ divorce rate. Open and honest communication is crucial to a happy relationship.

There are several ways that you can go with this...

Your options for great sex AND a happy relationship

Here are the options I see. Each has advantages and disadvantages, but one will hopefully resonate with you.

Ignore the problem until it eats away more and more at your relationship with your wife and you end up cheating on her. (not the recommended approach)
Try alternative remedies to harness and better control your sexual energy
Try supplements or other alternative remedies to lower your sex drive or increase your wife's sex drive
Bring someone else into the picture to satisfy your sexual needs. Yes, with your wife's consent - that's the only way that can work.
Ignore the problem and go on the way you are today

This is the option most people choose, at least at first. The problem is that when you ignore an important issue, it just festers and boils up until it explodes. Not a good thing. You're better off resolving or coming to terms with the issue up front, rather than than letting it get worse by ignoring it.

Remedies to harness and control your sexual energy

This is my first choice for a solution to your problem. There are many books out there on ways to better understand your sexual energy and that teach you how to harness and even redirect this energy in positive and productive ways. Our sexual energy is the core of our being and taking medications or supplements to reduce this energy just can't be a good thing in my opinion.

Many people hesitate to read books about sex because they feel like they should know all by now... "What will my friends say?", "How will my partner react?" These are just some of the questions that keep people from learning about sex.
We read as many books as we can get our hands on about all kinds of topics - especially sex. So, check out our Amazon store for some of our favorite books and start reading - when you stop learning, your brain dies - literally. Don't let that happen to you.
Sex can be such a wonderful and joyous experience, and so many people worldwide wish they could experience it more fully. Here are some great books to help you both start enjoying sex to the fullest extent possible.

Sexual Reflexology: Activating the Taoist Points of Love by Mantak Chia and William U. Wei
The Multi-Orgasmic Man: Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know by Mantak Chia
The Tao of Love and Sex by Jolan Chang
Complete Idiot's Guide to Tantric Sex by Dr. Judy Kuriansky
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Amazing Sex by Sari Locker

Remedies to lower your sex drive or increase your wife's sex drive
If you're not open to the option above, then you can talk to your doctor about medications or natural supplements that can help reduce your sex drive or increase your wife's sex drive. I recommend the natural approach whenever possible.
Tread lightly when talking to your wife about taking actions to increase her sex drive - she may not want to. But if she is open to the idea, then that's wonderful. Just remember to stay clear of the idea that she's not pleasing you, because that is guaranteed to get emotional.

Regardless, be sure to see your doctor before starting any medical or herbal treatment.
Bring someone else into your bedroom to satisfy your sexual needs
There is always the option of inviting another person in to your life just for the purpose of fulfilling your sexual desires. This of course, will depend of your relationship with your wife and you personal belief system.

This is an interesting option that may or may not be acceptable to your wife. Strict monogamy is the popular norm in our culture, but not so in many other cultures around the world, today and throughout history. In fact, many will argue it goes against our very nature and instincts as human beings to be completely monogamous to a single partner. But all that aside, your wife has to feel the same way, or it's game over. :-)
Swinging, Polyamory, and Open Relationships are actually much more common than you might think. We recently ran a poll to see exactly how our readers feel about Swinging and Polyamory.

We asked: "Would you ever consider swinging or polyamory?" More than 3500 of our readers spoke out and the answers will surprise you...

Check out the results here: Sex Poll Results - The Surprising Verdict on Swinging and Polyamory!
There are many options today for finding a woman to have sex with you, or with both you and your wife. Aside from swinger clubs (which can be very hit or miss), your best bet is probably with an adult dating site like Adult Friend Finder which has tens of millions of members looking for sexual relationships. We often recommend this site because it's one of the biggest and most popluar on the internet.

Here's a good ebook that we found - Step by Step Threesome.

While the focus is on having a threesome, there is some very good advice on how to make your partner feel comfortable in this type of situation.

When you're talking about bringing another person into your relationship it's very important to prevent the jealousy monster from rearing its ugly head by making sure that your wife knows how much you love and desire her first and foremost and that no one can ever come between the two of you.

In Summary

Ignoring the issue is not a possible solution! Address the issue now by talking openly and honestly with your wife about the possible options.

Try alternative remedies to harness and better control your sexual energy
Try supplements or other alternative remedies to lower your sex drive or increase your wifes sex drive
Bring someone else into the picture to satisfy your sexual needs
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Related Tags: marriage, relationship advice, sex, sex tips, increase sex drive, sex advice, sex drive, libido, swinging, swinger, low sex drive, polyamory, threesom

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