Popularity: How to be Liked, Popular, in Relationships


by eren - Date: 2007-05-24 - Word Count: 1312 Share This!

POPULARITY IS BEING LIKED IN RELATIONSHIPS: ANYONE CAN BE POPULAR

"I am popular, and people still don't like me!" screams a high-school student on its discussion form. Another advises: "Being popular means you're better than everyone else, so act like it!" and "People look down on me and my friends because we're so popular!"

Popularity, even the meaning of do not know many. A glance at high school web-forms show it to be thought of as being rich, posh, an achiever, a show off -and a stigma to be regarded to be! That is far from even what it used to mean centuries ago: common.

Popularity is likeability by others; it is regardless of wealth or position being liked by other people.

Popularity is not synonymous with socializing -you may socialize a lot, take part in all social activity, attend every party, but still not enjoy any popularity. A US president deemed more able and elected did not get the popularity vote -his opponent did. It is not being looked up to -a fool and a genius, a weakling and a strongman, poor and rich, can be socially equally liked, popular.

Being liked by others have to do with one's attitude in ones socializing, interaction with people.
The attitude that commonly, to the majority of the people, makes one someone they like to deal or be with. It is not to do with views, opinions, likes, dislikes, preferences, but how one treats others.

Popularity is respect -not ‘respect for authority', not in the ‘yes sir!' sense, but respect for others' right to be treated as they are regarded by the majority of the people entitled to expect to be treated. This, translates, briefly and simply, to being considerate toward people one deals with.

Being considerate is being sincere and helpful; or at least sympathetic, and if one can not be that either, then at the very least empathetic -i.e., understanding enough to respect others' right to their own views, opinions, preferences, choices ~at least for your right to same not to spoil theirs.
That is what respect for others means -that is all it means ~but it also makes others respect you.

People who must, do show respect for wealth or position; if they don't have to, here's their saying: Respect not even a King, if he doesn't respect you; but respect also a pauper, if he respects you!

Let us look at it in literature, in verse (from a poem by O. Metiner - Birlik, 29 Jan 1993 -trnsltd.), about the popular Cypriot thinker-writer-poet the teacher, the late, Orhan Seyfi Ari - it tells it all:

His concern -so sincere!
Greatly respected everywhere!
Years spent -to illuminate!
More: hearts, his sultanate!

What's it saying? So respected, because he was sincerely concerned, helped -therefore popular.

Many fail in relationships with others, because they are not popular -popularity is not difficult. All one needs to do is to have regard in one's dealings to what others consider another entitled to expect. If you do that you do not become unpopular -you even benefit, its psychological: A cop is nicer to you for speeding if you get out of the car. Why? Inside the car you are insisting on your territory -outside, recognising his status. Upon such experiments below are advice by experts.

To be considerate and popular in relationships, appreciate human nature in your relationships.

One's major relationships, basically, are with people in four categories (the last three being interchangeable) with varying degrees of popularity: Blood relatives, e.g., parents or cousins -which one cannot choose; Intimate, e.g., spouses and lovers -which one carefully chooses; social, e.g., friends and acquaintances -some dearer than others; and, casual, e.g., work or class mates, the grocer, strangers -of necessity. (Within the last three one may become another.)

In all four relationships, each party in varying degrees feels protected by a physical personal space. Do not violate that personal space without permission -it makes people feel uncomfortable, your company disliked, you not popular: In the first two 1.5, in the last two 4 feet.

In all of these relationship people crave for something, depending the nature of the relationship, which makes the difference between being liked by them or not -popularity or unpopularity with them. In the first, blood relations, one craves for approval. In the second, spouses, lovers, expect understanding, affection, appreciation. In the third, social acquaintances, friends: popularity -to be liked by you. In the fourth, casual, others: cooperation. Showing these makes liked, popular.

Here are some general rules about how to earns likeability, popularity, in these relationships:

The first two, relationships with blood relatives, or intimate relationships, have fewer such rules. This is because in matrimonial relationships, or steady emotional or sexual relationships with spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, lovers, habitually we take for granted or are caringly tolerant. We are more involved in these family or other intimate relationships. The constancy and importance of our dealings reflect others' personal likes and preferences more in close or intimate relationships.

Generally: The elderly are somewhat set in their ways -popularity with them is appreciating that.
Popularity with kids begin with empathising with them; if unsympathetic, still being understanding -to be popular with teenagers make them feel that you regard them not as children but gown up.
In male and female relationships these remembering these boost one's likeability, popularity: With men, one is more popular if one does not make them appear or feel week. Women like romantic compliments, and to be made to laugh. In intimate relationships all like constant reassurance, showing appreciation, frequent praise. In such relationships these make liked, fonder, popular.

The other two kinds of relationships, with friends and acquaintances, with others, involve different measures for popularity. Popularity in social relationships depends on standard rules of conduct.
To be popular socially, bear in mind that social relationships often are not so important to people as their intimate relationships; also, that just as you do, others too like appreciation, even flattery.

The generally applicable rules of being liked, popularity in social, casual relationships are these:

Be a talker but do not bore.. also be a listener -give others a chance also to talk, to tell you about themselves.. appreciate the views of others, even if you disagree, do not criticise unnecessarily.. to be popular, avoid a battle of wits inessential, if another wants to be clever.. if it is important to you, do not spinelessly agree with the ridiculous, do not show up if not -neither earn popularity.. be a sport if, e.g., you have heard a joke before do not spoil another's fun or enjoyment.. do not be a stiff, join the laughter of a harmless trick on you.. if suggesting something ask if it is okay, show you value others... Adhering to these in social relationships earns one social popularity.

Friendships are rather popular relationships; when confided in, do not betray confidences of friends... if depended on do not allow yourself to be subjected to moral-blackmail, but if helping or consoling be positive and sincere - if your friend rejects helpful advice it may be because of confusion, do not nag -if the issue is someone dear to you or to your friend try not to take sides ~never speak ill of someone dear to a friend, even if your friend does in anger (which passes).. in unexpected visits do not stay too long -be considerate.. do not forget friends, keep in touch when they cannot -if away a phone call, letter, fax, email, postcard pleases, especially on birthdays, anniversaries -ask how they are show you care... These boost your popularity in friendships.

It earns popularity with acquaintances to keep some distance; people dislike being taken for granted. In casual relationships it makes popular, it is expected, in one's dealings to be seen to be reasonable; if pursuing an interest giving a stranger's role or status recognition gets cooperation.

These earn popularity in relationships: always wear a smile; be fair, empathetic; show interest.


Related Tags: relationships, popular, friendships, popularity

The author's favorite site is: the late Orhan Seyfi Ari, popular with pupils & peoples, the Teacher of Teachers

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