Personal Values and Their Importance

by Elaine Sihera - Date: 2007-01-24 - Word Count: 919 Share This!

Two Interesting Conundrums for You

Read both questions first before seeing the answers which are at the end.

Question 1:
If you knew a woman who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind and one mentally retarded, she also has syphilis and was now pregnant, would you recommend that she had an abortion?

Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only YOUR vote counts. Here are the brief facts about the three candidates.

Candidate A
He associates with crooked politicians, and consults with an astrologist. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day. Very full of his own vision and ideas. An action man who can be cynical of others.

Candidate B
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer, is passionate about his beliefs, and never cheated on his wife. Cares deeply for his country but tends to be dictatorial. Likes running the show and can be ruthless.

Candidate C
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening. He is regarded as arrogant, irritable and uncharitable. Peers used to regard him as more bravado than brawn.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?
Decide first....NO peeking.


Your two selections would have been based on your particular VALUES. But where do those values come from?

We all like to think that our values are individual and independent of anyone else; carefully thought-out as adults, and carefully chosen, to reflect our origins, present life and aspirations; culturally referenced, yes, but distinctly us. That we judge impartially according to those values. But nothing could be further from the truth. Values are beliefs and beliefs are second-hand emotions. In fact, everything in our life is second-hand or even fourth-hand, passed down from our parents and their parents, our friends and relatives, our neighbourhood, our environment and our world, hugely influencing every decision. They gradually cloak us in comfortable ways which we keep and expand, within specific boundaries, hanging on to them for dear life as part of our identity; making sure that they do not change until we begin to examine our true selves to find out what we really believe about our unique personalities and our world.

I am going through one of those questioning sea-changing moments in my life just now and boy, do I see the world differently from even 2 years ago. First of all, in 2002, I blamed my husband for breaking up our marriage, for a variety of reasons. He did not want the break but I felt his actions precipitated it. Three years on, self-education and a revision of long held values and beliefs mean I now realise that no one is to be blamed for anyone's actions except one's self. This has taught me that he wasn't to be blamed for anything at all because we all have patterns from our childhood which draw certain types to us to put those second-hand beliefs in motion and to repeat those second-hand actions which then elicit the same kinds of reaction!!

The truth is, though I didn't know it, I had to leave the home for my own self-development and contentment. My Universe decreed it in its own subtle way and my husband was chosen as the catalyst to get me on my way. Painful, yes, but necessary in the scheme of life. Since then I have read 64 books, and still going, the kind I would not have even looked at a few years ago; the kind I repeatedly heard of but prevented myself exploring through fear and my limited values. I preferred ignorance, fear and comfort to self-enlightenment. Now I know my purpose in life and what a liberation and learning it has been. I am voracious in both my appetite for such books and in my compassion and understanding of others.

I also realise that, had I been at home, I would not have been the softer, gentler, more caring and loving person I have rapidly become. My self-love now goes off the scale. I would still be stuck back there in unproductive negativity, in what Dr Wayne Dyer calls the 'suffering victim' mode, blaming everyone else for my life instead of looking at myself impartially and seeing that MY thoughts, MY choices and MY actions have brought me to this stage. No matter what anyone else is supposed to be guilty of, as an adult, MY actions and reactions alone decided my fate. So, it is useless blaming others for anything in our lives, if we are not underage, overpowered or coerced. Blame merely prevents us from seeing the bigger picture of our lives and the dire necessity for change within it.

Who are you blaming now? And for what reason? Are you missing out on a better quality of life and service because of it? What are those personal values really telling you?

Candidate A is.... Franklin D. Roosevelt Candidate B is.... Adolph Hitler Candidate C is.... Winston Churchill

Regarding your answer to the abortion question: If you said YES, you would have just killed Ludwig Van Beethoven!

Personally, I would have left the decision about the abortion to the woman in question. Whatever suited her best, I would have gone along with it, despite how I felt (being a former Catholic). However, I selected clean-cut Candidate B (Adolph) as my ideal!!

Just shows that pretty boxes always appeal to us than the gifts inside!!!

Related Tags: world, values, destiny, behaviour, morals, blame, dictator, candidate

ELAINE SIHERA (Ms Cyprah) is a media contributor and columnist for Black Britain Online. The first Black graduate of the OU and a post-graduate of Cambridge, Elaine is a CONSULTANT for Diversity Management, Personal Empowerment and Relationships. Dynamic extrovert with a passion for living and people. An intelligent, confident expert who enjoys every aspect of life. Author of: 10 Easy Steps to Growing Older Disgracefully; 10 Easy Steps to Finding Your Ideal Soulmate!; Money, Sex & Compromise and Managing the Diversity Maze, among others. Also the founder of the British Diversity Awards and the Windrush Achievement Awards. She describes herself as "Fit, Fabulous, Over-fifty and Ready to Fly!" QUOTE: "I do not wish to be any other age because my life at 25 was nowhere as exciting and enjoyable as my life at 50. One thing is certain: no genteel ageing for me - I'll be going there disgracefully and enjoying every minute!"

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