He took me to the next phase of where I needed to be emotionally and spiritually. His patience, warmth and love was the bridge that lead me to my new lifestyle and self-identity. I knew in my heart that what we shared would only be for a little while because I wasn't sure where I was going. I let him come along for the ride and he became lost in my untamed emotions. I wanted to tell him that it wasn't safe to come with me because I wasn't sure where I would get off or even when. But he was confident that he could protect me and he brought along everything he owned, including all of his love, on a journey to nowhere. And I broke his heart.

Transitional man, you came along during a period of my life when my soul was wounded; my children needed a father; the bills needed to be paid and my body longed to be touched. My life was chaotic and I was confused. I brought nothing along but heavy baggage and an empty heart. You met all of my needs without thinking of your own and generously gave me all of you. My body was starved and I was so hungry for attention; I rapaciously took in your kisses, your massive chest comforted me and you made love to me as if I was the most beautiful woman in the world. My barren soul sucked in your kindness, drained your passion and marred your faith in love.

I allowed you to love my children, when I knew somewhere in my heart that I was only playing house. You looked so good to me taking them to the park, picking them up from daycare and emulating their father. I didn't have to sit in the emergency room alone, miss work for their dentist appointments or fix their bikes by myself on Christmas Eve -¬because you were there. Your presence delayed my responsibility of having to listen to my children's unanswered questions about their real father, the pending divorce and my own devastation and sadness. You made my life look perfect and I wanted to be okay. I didn't know that I was pretending to be happy.

Everyone said that we were a dashing couple and I tried desperately to love you back. People were telling me that I was using you, that I was on the rebound and that I would break your heart. But I convinced them that this was not true, because what was there not to love about you. They sensed my ambiguity and wondered what spell I had cast upon you and questioned my sanity for not wanting to keep you forever. You told me that you were taken by my smile, but I took you for all you had. I needed you, but I never wanted you. Can you forgive me?

You taught me how to love, how to give back and how to trust again because you unabashedly shared your soul with me. I know you aren't benefiting directly, but now I know how to love a man. Remember when you told me that the key to my home did not open the door to my heart? You made me of aware of the many nights that you felt unloved because I was so preoccupied with everything and everyone, barely lifting my head to say hello when you walked in the door after a long day. I just want you to know that I heard you; it's just that my heart wasn't ready to listen.

You played a lead role in who I am today as a woman. And though your stay was short, it was potent with every lesson I needed to learn to be a better lover and mate. The admiration, passion and respect that echoed from your soul each time I looked into your eyes is now apart of my being. I notice the curves in my back, the slant in my eyes and the richness of my skin tone because you pointed it out to me. I no longer hide underneath the sheets because you declared my body a vision of loveliness. You revealed a side of myself to me that I did not know existed and I like her.

Please don't be offended, but I have never regretted parting with you or missed your kisses, not even once. The fact is-- I am ashamed of who I was with you. I can't bare the thought of embracing this person who hurt you so deeply. You were open and vulnerable, and I preyed on your love and compassion. To replay the joy during this period of my life means that I would be required to relive the pain. I know this is difficult for you to imagine, but the pain that I was experiencing in my heart outweighed the comfort you were offering me. There were many nights after making love you were sound asleep and could not hear my muffled sobs into the pillow. I needed space and clarity, but your love clouded my vision and direction. I couldn't mourn and heal for trying to love you with a bruised heart.

Handsome stranger, thank you for accompanying me on my journey. Thank you for holding my hand and carrying me when I didn't have the strength to make it alone. You were my angel. You built me up and gave me the strength to get back on my feet again. I am forever grateful to you. It took a pretty big man with a tremendous heart to walk in your shoes. Transitional man, I write this for you. You know who you are. I am sorry, thank you.