The swinger lifestyle is taking the nation by storm. People are suddenly realizing this isn't just some obscure cult.

Rather, it's regular people, many of whom are highly educated professionals, expanding their already happy, healthy, and often exotic sex lives to include what some are calling "swinging".

The shock for most people comes when they realize their neighbor Joe and his wife occasionally get together for drinks and some kinky sex with their other neighbors Bob and Suzy from two doors down.

"Wow, that happens here?" Absolutely, and much more often than you think...

But here comes the culture shock... Eventually people "in the lifestyle" end up paired with people who are not really open to this type of sexual adventure.


For instance, a man who has previously enjoyed a very open sex life with his previous wife starts dating a woman who is not very open to swinging. She may try it once or twice for his sake, but then decide it's not for her. Worse yet, she's afraid he'll cheat on her because he's used to having more sexual freedom. So what can she do?

Time away from something you want does NOT make you want it less.


She can ask him to stop it and stay away from seeing his former swinger friends and playmates.

But just saying no to something you enjoy, whether it's ice cream or swinging and other aspects of an exotic, adventurous sex life, will not make your desire for it fade. This is basic human psychology... take away something you like, and you want it that much more. This is why most diets fail.

Can you quit swinging and just go cold turkey?

Is the problem that he's swinging, or is it more basic than that?


It's not really about whether he's been swinging in the past or not. It's about the fact that he had a very liberated sex life and he may no longer be OK in the long term with a more tame sexual experience.

He may agree not to do it any longer, but that doesn't mean he'll be happy and content with his new sex life.

Sexual incompatibility is one of the biggest problems in many relationships.


The reality is that not all people are a match sexually, and that can cause all kinds of stress and relationship problems. And yes, it can lead to break ups and divorce.

It's crucial to realize that you may simply not be sexually compatible with your partner. It's not very common, but occasionally two people are just not going to be a sexual match.

Jealousy and insecurity is one of the few major issues facing couples in the swinging lifestyle. 


Most couples who enjoy the swinger lifestyle do it BECAUSE they have a strong and happy relationship and a great sex life to begin with. And for these couples, jealousy is not usually much of an issue. After all, you're either OK with your spouse having sex with another person (or multiple other persons), or you're not.

But the jealousy monster can still strike. But just what is jealousy? At the core of it, jealousy reflects a person's inner insecurities that they are not good enough and their partner may find someone better. It also reflects the need to control their partner. If they control what their partner does, then they won't leave or find someone else.

In reality, neither of these things is true. The best way to keep your partner from finding someone 'better' is to be truly confident in yourself and love yourself unconditionally - only then can you truly love another person.

So can you trust someone who's been in the swinger lifestyle for years to go cold turkey and be completely monogamous and content with only his wife?


Here's a question from a lady in Texas struggling with the dire possibility of losing her husband...


Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband has a rather extensive swinging history. When we first met, I tried it with him a few times but due to my own jealousy and insecurities, it was not enjoyable. I chose to not continue. We talked about it and he said that it was OK that he loved me and did not want to jeopardize our future. He said, "Then we won't do it, it's no big deal."

Recently, I found out that he has been carrying on with a woman on the internet and recently tried to kiss a woman after he had had a few drinks. He said that he will always enjoy the lifestyle and that he misses it. Where do I go from here? I feel awful and very uncertain about my future with him.

I don't need to have sex with other people to feel happy and fulfilled. I love my husband. Obviously he does not feel the same way.

Will time away from swinging help to get it off of his mind? I want him to be happy with me and our marriage. I don't want to feel like he resents me or worry that he is going to cheat on me to get what he wants, needs and misses.

-- Lynne, Texas

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question...



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