This period in our emotional evolution brings its own angst of getting older and being conscious of time's ever-moving hand waving us on. Being reluctant to leave their youth, many men suddenly become tight-lipped about their age, remaining '29' for some years before actually acknowledging that they are over 30! This becomes an urgent time for both men and women to ensure that the desire to get settled into a home, the hoped-for high-flying career, the sense of identity and establishment with friends and community, are all gradually taking shape. The original dream now comes under close scrutiny and is evaluated to check progress. It's a time to assess gains, and perhaps to ask if the gains so far are worth the price. At this stage, in any self-review, men are more likely than women to emphasise their professional life and to define themselves by it. Work becomes the backbone of their existence as they seek advancement and realisation of their dream.

Staging Post 2 is the period for sorting personal values and deciding what is important in life relating to career, family and interpersonal relationships - this being the time when most people marry or set up home together, start a family and begin their individual occupational journeys. It's a key time for the master vs. apprentice struggle and for permanent vs. temporary choices; a time when men need reassurance as to whether they have made the right decisions and whether they are running out of time for changing those decisions. Hence this staging post is marked by re-thinking and evaluating commitments and connections; establishing a more permanent sense of self, one that aligns more closely to the ideal we wish to become. It also has a focus on whether we really want to make this location, this career path or romantic relationship a permanent one, yet being secretly fearful of the consequences when we finally make that choice.

Order and Stability

Universally, this time of self-reflection and pause, a period of relative order and stability when we implement and live the choices made in the young adult transition phase. People now settle down into deeper commitments involving work, family, religion and community ties, etc. They focus on accomplishments, becoming their own persons while generating an inner sense of expertise and mastery of their professions. By now the dream is likely to be better developed and fairly well defined and people put significant energy into achieving it. However, this is where the gender gap is at its most pronounced. At this stage 99 per cent of heads of department or of businesses will be men, with hardly a woman in sight. Female confidence is still being developed, still some way behind the men, as they cluster on the lowest rungs of the working ladder, despite their enthusiasm and talent - a position which reinforces their invisibility in the workplace and also exposes overt gender discrimination and their lack of self-belief.

On the other hand, this tends to be a golden time for men. Marked by possibilities, heightened self-belief and a striving for personal success, this period drives men, in particular, to focus on becoming 'winners' and making a name for themselves as quickly as possible. They are likely to spend long hours developing their art and skills, often working overtime, with the aim of competing with their colleagues or rivals or just striving to be the best and to consolidate their positions. They tend to seek organisations or partners that will validate and enhance them and their aspirations, e.g the 'trophy' wives which are usually prescriptive and enhancing.

The potential problem with this goal-oriented drive is that sometimes these men are too concerned with their own personal success, without sufficient thought for others. Often just making inroads into their chosen careers, this is the stage when people tend to see the world in terms of 'me'; when the personal focus is on their own goals, own ambitions, own successes and their own little world. Unfortunately, this is likely to be the the time when both partners are just moving into the familiarisation stage of the relationship and young children are on the scene and need attention. One partner is thus likely to feel neglected as his/her spouse's actions begin to change, the gap between their aspirations start to widen and the couple gradually become noticeably detached as the 'winner' chases success while the spouse chases the kids!