Sacred Love - Me or You

by Christopher Walker - Date: 2007-02-20 - Word Count: 690 Share This!

On a TV interview for the book launch, I was asked rather provocatively, by the interviewer, "didn't you have to do allot of self help when your marriage broke down"

I stumbled through the response, trying to get back to the core topic, which was "please buy my new book" but the question was good and I've been thinking about what I'd answer if I had a second chance.

When my marriage broke down, I was told, that to love others I must first learn to love myself. So, I set out on a mission to learn to love myself. That mission took me 20 years of hard work. Yoga, meditation, therapies, Native American ritual, Metaphysics and enough self help books to sink a ship.

But at the end of that journey, and tens of thousands of dollars, I came to an astonishing conclusion. The premise that to love others I must first learn to love myself was totally wrong. The real mission is "that to learn to love myself, I must first learn to love others"

Many years can pass between an event and the moment of realization of the affect that event has had on our lives. Anything that happens in the first three years of our lives has an everlasting effect. The real question becomes "can I change that effect?"

Learning to love ourselves by self help is like scratching an itch. Typically, the more we scratch the more we itch. Buddha said, "Leave a bucket of muddy water alone and it will soon become clear water. Reach in to grab the mud on the bottom and the water becomes muddy again"

Learning to love yourself, and therefore come to peace with yourself comes when you forget yourself. This is a great evolution in your life. The day when your feelings and your ambitions become less important than someone else's. This is the day, that the mud settles and you feel the beauty of self love. You feel it because there is no self to love, you have lost your ego, fallen from the wall, you are, in fact enlightened.

Making others happy. This is a great key to your life. It is just one of the principles of Sacred Love and a universal law. What you appreciate, grows. It is not a process of self sacrifice, but the acknowledgement that we are all interconnected, and by helping someone else, we are actually helping ourselves.

There is one warning to the un initiated. Beware of giving to get. If your generosity is genuine, if your love for other is real, you will have no disappointment or attachment to, the way your gift is received. You will want for their happiness alone. Now you can tell the difference between manipulative love and sacred love.

If your love for other comes with a notion of "and in return I expect -------" then you are on a wrong path. That love is not love at all, it is your past playing itself out in a relationship. The role your partner in this circumstance is to reject you and your love.

Real love, sacred love is a giving experience. One in which there are no hooks attached. If your lover leaves, rejects, behaves contradictory to your expectations, blame the quality of your love, not them.

In order to avoid disappointment in love, you must grow the quality of your love everyday. To do this, learn to sit still and love what you don't love. In other words, instead of just looking into those things you like about people or nature, look into those things you don't and try to think the opposite. Find the beauty in the dark, find order in the chaos, find happiness in sadness. This assures that your love will always grow, daily and your heart will stay open forever.

Remember, it is the love you give that determines the quality of your life. An all people perceive love differently. Give love as they desire, not as you require.

Give love as they desire, not as you require.
Give love as they desire, not as you require
Give love as they desire, not as you require.

Christopher Walker Live with Spirit and Love

Related Tags: relationships, dating, single, inspiration, sacred love, finding love, soul mates Chris Walker is a world leading change agent, an environmentalist and author of more than 20 books. Born and bred in Australia, he consults to people and organisations throughout the world on improved relationships, health and lifestyle through the application of the Universal laws of Nature. The result he offers is that we stay balanced, share loving relationships, work with passion, enjoy success, and live our personal truth. To learn more about Chris's work and journeys to Nepal, visit --

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