Cancer - My Wake Up Call
- Date: 2007-04-21 - Word Count: 752
Share This!
Four days after I got engaged in March of this year I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. The doctor said, "You have a cauliflower growth on your cervix. That's not normal. I am booking you in to see a specialist."
A myriad of tests and a few weeks later I am getting ready to go into hospital tomorrow and have what is called a 'radical trachelectomy' - removal of the cervix, leaving the uterus and ovaries intact in order to preserve my fertility.
I decided to share this story because I know that each one of you reading this will know someone who has cancer, whether it be a friend, family member, or a colleague. I am hoping that some of what I share will be helpful to you.
Like you, when you hear of someone being diagnosed with cancer there is a shock and horror about the news, and then a secret relief that it is not you. I believed cancer was for other people. Not me. People who do not look after themselves get cancer. Old people get cancer. Some poor unfortunate kids get cancer. Not me. I'm healthy. I have been a vegetarian for twenty years and have run five marathons. When I went to see the doctor I was two weeks away from running my sixth marathon.
When I got the call saying I had cancer, this was my reaction: terror. Then grief, then shock, then horror, and a whole cocktail of other emotions. I sobbed long and hard. I looked at my new husband-to-be and wondered if he still wanted to marry me as I faced the prospect of losing my ability to give us children.
I would love to say that I was strong, that I saw the positive side of things, that I laughed it off. I did no such thing. I was as terrified as anyone else who learns their body is under major threat. Being told you have cancer really, really sucks. It hardly seems real, even now, a month later.
The worst part was the waiting between tests and results and doctor's visits to clarify what it was we were dealing with. The worst imaginings tend to wreak havoc.
Then there were plenty of questions. Why? How? How does a life coach get cancer?? The truth is that a life coach did not get cancer. Zoë got cancer. And that's when I started to understand a little more about what this could teach me.
I raked my history to find some source, some reason for my cancer, some personal transgression, some oversight in my health that I had missed. I beat myself up wondering how I did this to myself. I stripped all of my emotional and mental cloaks away to go to the source and stood there raw and vulnerable to see the human being under the skin. And that's when I felt a deep compassion - a compassion for myself. When I reached this deep place of love, I was then able to let it flow to others and feel compassion for every other human being who is wrestling or hiding from their own demons - physical, emotional, or spiritual. It is a big journey requiring much courage.
Some people say that cancer is a gift, or that they have it for a reason. This sounds dreadfully punishing. I choose to find something I can learn from this. It is a big journey, only just beginning, but I have found some crystals of truth in the anguish.
Here is what I am learning on my cancer journey:
* Each and every human being is a universe of gifts and stories and wonder.
* I love many people and am loved deeply in return.
* I don't have to be brave all on my own.
* I can heal my soul, if not my body.
* I am already good enough - I do not need a massive bank balance, fancy clothes, or any other markers to know that I am a worthy human being.
* I am who I am - I am not my job, my services, the roles I play in life as sister, daughter, partner, business owner. I am Zoë - a woman who lives and loves deeply.
* Laughing is a really, really good thing.
My wish for you, dear readers, is that you pause for a moment each day in full and complete gratitude for the gift of life and all the wonderful things before you. See and appreciate the sunlight on the trees, the blue sky, a smiling dog, a beautiful song.
Zoë Routh
Copyright Inner Compass 2005
A myriad of tests and a few weeks later I am getting ready to go into hospital tomorrow and have what is called a 'radical trachelectomy' - removal of the cervix, leaving the uterus and ovaries intact in order to preserve my fertility.
I decided to share this story because I know that each one of you reading this will know someone who has cancer, whether it be a friend, family member, or a colleague. I am hoping that some of what I share will be helpful to you.
Like you, when you hear of someone being diagnosed with cancer there is a shock and horror about the news, and then a secret relief that it is not you. I believed cancer was for other people. Not me. People who do not look after themselves get cancer. Old people get cancer. Some poor unfortunate kids get cancer. Not me. I'm healthy. I have been a vegetarian for twenty years and have run five marathons. When I went to see the doctor I was two weeks away from running my sixth marathon.
When I got the call saying I had cancer, this was my reaction: terror. Then grief, then shock, then horror, and a whole cocktail of other emotions. I sobbed long and hard. I looked at my new husband-to-be and wondered if he still wanted to marry me as I faced the prospect of losing my ability to give us children.
I would love to say that I was strong, that I saw the positive side of things, that I laughed it off. I did no such thing. I was as terrified as anyone else who learns their body is under major threat. Being told you have cancer really, really sucks. It hardly seems real, even now, a month later.
The worst part was the waiting between tests and results and doctor's visits to clarify what it was we were dealing with. The worst imaginings tend to wreak havoc.
Then there were plenty of questions. Why? How? How does a life coach get cancer?? The truth is that a life coach did not get cancer. Zoë got cancer. And that's when I started to understand a little more about what this could teach me.
I raked my history to find some source, some reason for my cancer, some personal transgression, some oversight in my health that I had missed. I beat myself up wondering how I did this to myself. I stripped all of my emotional and mental cloaks away to go to the source and stood there raw and vulnerable to see the human being under the skin. And that's when I felt a deep compassion - a compassion for myself. When I reached this deep place of love, I was then able to let it flow to others and feel compassion for every other human being who is wrestling or hiding from their own demons - physical, emotional, or spiritual. It is a big journey requiring much courage.
Some people say that cancer is a gift, or that they have it for a reason. This sounds dreadfully punishing. I choose to find something I can learn from this. It is a big journey, only just beginning, but I have found some crystals of truth in the anguish.
Here is what I am learning on my cancer journey:
* Each and every human being is a universe of gifts and stories and wonder.
* I love many people and am loved deeply in return.
* I don't have to be brave all on my own.
* I can heal my soul, if not my body.
* I am already good enough - I do not need a massive bank balance, fancy clothes, or any other markers to know that I am a worthy human being.
* I am who I am - I am not my job, my services, the roles I play in life as sister, daughter, partner, business owner. I am Zoë - a woman who lives and loves deeply.
* Laughing is a really, really good thing.
My wish for you, dear readers, is that you pause for a moment each day in full and complete gratitude for the gift of life and all the wonderful things before you. See and appreciate the sunlight on the trees, the blue sky, a smiling dog, a beautiful song.
Zoë Routh
Copyright Inner Compass 2005
Cancer survivor Zoe Routh is the Head Coach at Inner Compass, a personal development organisation that helps busy professionals work less and achieve more. Inner Compass offers tons of practicals solutions and strategies for imrpoved persoanl effectiveness and living an inspired life. Check it out at www.innercompass.com.au
Your Article Search Directory : Find in Articles
Recent articles in this category:
- Is Subliminal Audio Better Than Hypnosis?
Subliminal messages have been around a long time, not quite as long as hypnosis, but since the sixti - Creating Change: Step 2a - Construct A Vision Of What You Want
In order to create change you have to know what you want. But sometimes it's easier to figure out fi - Creating Change - Step 2b- Techniques For Finding What You Want
Drilling Down to your CoreTo get to a deeper level of what you want, to find your true core desires, - Creating Change: Step 2c- Who Do You Want To Be?
Being Trumps DoingUsually when we think about what we want, we focus on an activity or experience we - Creating Change: Step 3 - Identify Your Inner Obstacles To Change
I'm sure you aware of some things you want to change in your life, that your heart longs for. It is - The Importance Of People In Innovation
When we talk about innovation, you may reply-who needs people? Chances are that you, me and all of u - Five Kinds Of Self Improvement Cds
If you have ever considered buying self improvement CDs, you know there are a lot to choose from. It - Biodiesel Kits And Processors
Heat is needed during the biodiesel conversion process for the following reasons:1. Preheating your - Fred Alan Wolf Phd Is The Kooky Guy With The Quirky Personality In The Movies: The Secret &what The Bleep
This guy is my favorite -hands down -I really love Fred Alan! He is so brilliant intellectually spea - How Important Is Innovation In My Life?
It's a talent that everyone has, yet they think they don't. The power of innovation. If you've ever
Most viewed articles in this category:
- Discover Your Past Life
Do you have any idea about your past life? Have you ever wondered who you are or what you are before - Deceptive Diagnosis
The book, Deceptive Diagnosis: When Sin is Called Sickness, explores the major shift in how Ch - Decreasing High Blood Pressure
Blood pressure, by its simplest definition is a reflection of how hard your heart is pumping. - Teaching -
As important as what is to be learned might be, perhaps the greater import needs to be placed on the - Rhubarb Romance - A Little Honey Works Wonders
Spring is in the air. It is a time of new life. There are green grass, kittens, puppies, - The Greatest Invention In History
Before we get to what is the greatest invention in the history of the world, we should visit Germany - Are You Living the Life You Imagined?
Do you feel strong, healthy, financially secure? Are you too busy working to take the time to make m - Armchair Olympian
I am not a die-hard sports enthusiast, but confess I enjoyed watching the winter Olympics held in Tu - The Truth about Being A Responder Or A Reactor
Do you often react or response to a situation? Or it depends? A story was told that while a man was - Innovation: Thinking Outside the Box and the Four Types of Innovation
Why do we love new gadgets? Why did the Renaissance marked as the period when history, science, phil