Five Myths of Grief That Lead to Unnecessary Suffering
Grief is a natural response to the loss of something valued. Myths are falsehoods parading as gospel truths. Combined they lead to much excessive emotional and physical pain when mourning.
If you mourn according to myth it means you have adopted false beliefs about grief and how to cope with the loss of a loved one. The solution is clear: obtain information to form beliefs that are true for you and discard old beliefs that were handed down to you when you were young.
There are many myths about grief. Here are five of the most common and what you can do to reverse your thinking and reduce the unnecessary suffering they often inflict.
1. There is an orderly stage like progression in the grief process. In truth, this has yet to be decided by researchers. Right now the best information says grief is highly individual. It could take months or years depending on the nature of the death and the degree of emotional investment in the person who died. And grief has many ups and downs and revisits. You go through one so-called stage and you can easily repeat it.
Do not set limits or expectations. Allow your grief to move through its natural responses according to you. There is no right way to grieve.
2. You have to "let go" of the person who died. Letting go of the deceased is often interpreted as having to forget about the deceased and get on with life. In fact, the relationship with the deceased never ends; it changes. Establishing a new relationship with the deceased through memory, celebration, new traditions, and the intent to learn to love in separation is part of adapting to loss.
3. The longer you mourn the more you show your love for the deceased. Some individuals accept the loss of their loved one and are able to begin reinvesting in their new life without the physical presence of their loved one. Others hesitate to fully embrace their new life because they believe it will indicate a lack of true love for the deceased. Consequently, they refuse invitations to social gatherings or refrain from other pleasurable pursuits. Remember that love never dies, and we honor our deceased loved ones by continuing to grow into the next chapter of our lives.
4. Time heals all wounds. Time does not heal all wounds unless the mourner addresses the tasks of grief, starts new routines, faces the pain, and establishes a new relationship with the deceased loved one. Or as a dear friend of mine put it, "Time doesn't heal all wounds, unless you work between the minutes." Taking action to heal is a choice and the best way to prevent generating emotional poison through isolation and waiting to get better.
5. Mourning should end after the first anniversary of the death. Those who hold on to this myth often lengthen their grief work and/or inhibit the natural grief responses that occur after one year. For many, the major part of grief recedes after five or six months for others it takes considerably longer. There is no specific time limit applicable to all.
In summary, myths are beliefs we choose and in terms of the grief process usually cause additional pain and suffering. Make every effort to seek out those who are knowledgeable about coping with loss and the changes it imposes. Ask questions.
Be open to the new as well as an analysis of your beliefs about grief and loss and how you adopted them. Then find a grief companion who is a good listener, and work toward intellectual and emotional acceptance of the death of your loved one.
Source: Free Articles from ArticlesFactory.com
Related Tags: to, grief, myths, suffering, lead, of, that, five, unnecessary
Dr. LaGrand is a grief counselor and the author of eight books, the most recent, Love Lives On: Learning from the Extraordinary Encounters of the Bereaved. He is known world-wide for his research on the Extraordinary Experiences of the bereaved (after-death communication phenomena). His website is www.extraordinarygriefexperiences.com.
Your Article Search Directory : Find in ArticlesRecent articles in this category:
- The Resurgence of Fred Perry Clothing
Summer might long be over and Wimbledon may be a distant memory, however the fashion is a year round - Uncovering Men's Tank Tops
I don't know a thing about you, but I'll bet that you have worn a tank top. Tank tops have also been - Make Use of Silk Scarves to Take Good Care of Your Skin
In the event you are new about silk scarves, you could never read about this particular feature of s - Just For Men Scarves - the Preference For Guys in the Vogue Domain
If you are not certain what style of present you could provide for men, maybe you can consider men s - Think Black Friday Shopping is Beyond Your Budget?
Moms who are juggling the bills and still trying to provide the perfect holiday gift to loved ones a - How to Make Conscious Shopping Choices
Many people have heard the phrase "voting with your dollars" and they understand that it means your - Silk Scarves - Unique Present Approach in Xmas Seasons
The most prevalent silk add-on is scarves, and many focus is presented on inspired designing on thes - Benefits of an Aloe Vera Shampoo
A lot of people are not aware of the specific benefits that using an aloe vera shampoo can do to the - How Effective is the Power of Your Subconscious Mind?
Most people are bombarded with this thought whenever they feel weak and wish to affect certain chang - Silk Scarf - the Record For Human Being in the Style History
Throughout the 19th and 20th centuries the worldwide recognition of silk scarves developed dramatica
Most viewed articles in this category:
- Surf and Turf: the Race Track
Surf and Turf: The Race TrackOne of the favorite places for The G to hang out at, especially in Summ - Are You Looking For Cholesterol Drugs Without Side Effect?
High cholesterol level is probably one of the widely spread complication among Americans. Almost for - Friday the 13th could be a lucky day?
Friday the 13th sounds unlucky ? Traditional superstition ? And a lot of people dislike it and beli - Don't Judge A Man
Our world is full of bad tongues, fault-finders, gossipers, mockers, and insulters but do these grou - When Personalized Gifts Make a Difference
Finding the right gifts for a particular occasion is always a challenging task. Sometimes it is nic - Managing My Resistance: Learning To Flow With What Life Offers
One of the things that interests me most about conflict is the tendency to resist it and the ways in - What Are Horoscopes Based On?
If you do not know much about astrology, you may wonder what are horoscopes based on and how astrolo - 7 Dumbest Relationship Mistakes Smart People Make
We often find ourselves amid the wreckage of a love gone wrong, wringing our hands and asking, "Why - Motivation as the heart of self improvement
You should be able to find several indispensable facts about Motivation in the following paragraphs - Is Complete Abstinence from Use of Paychoactive Substances Necessary for Recovery?
Can a sober alcoholic in recovery who has no history of abuse of marijuana, use marijuana without