Think back to a stressful time in your life. Perhaps it was a divorce, an illness, an employment issue, a family problem, etc. I don't want you to remember how you felt, but I do want you to remember what you were thinking. Were you saying things like:

*What did I do to deserve this?
*I always have bad luck?
*I'll never be able to get back on my feet after this setback?
*My life is on hold and I can't move forward?

Statements like these go through our heads when something bad/stressful is happening. Negative talk can create anxiety. Positive talk can help to alleviate that anxiety. Changing your thoughts during the day can help you decrease your stress and lower your stress hormone levels, allowing you to sleep better and be healthier.

Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs)

We constantly talk to ourselves. When things are happening, we are carrying on a dialogue in our head about the event. Most of the time we are not even aware of the conversation, but it is there and it is causing us to feel certain emotions.

When we are stressed, our self-talk changes. It becomes more focused on the stressor at hand. It also becomes distorted and focuses only on the negative aspects of the event.

Let's look at an example. You went to your doctor last week and had some routine blood work done. When you get home from work, you have a message on your answering machine asking you to call your doctor's office. What kinds of Automatic Negative Responses (ANTs) might you think?

*Oh no! The results must have shown something terrible.
*Do I have cancer? Am I going to die?
*It must be horrible or they would have just told me the news on the machine.

ANTs are automatic and require no effort on your part. They typically take things in the worst possible light and jump to conclusions. We tend to see ANTs as the truth or as fact and don't stop to question their validity.

Let's look back at the message from the doctor's office. What other possible reason might there be for the call? It could be that they need some additional insurance information to file your claim. They could be calling to tell you that your blood work came back just fine. They could be calling to tell you that you have something quite minor. Yet, our immediate response is to get tunnel vision and see the negative. Why? Since it is an automatic response, we must assume that it has to do with survival. In the days of tiger hunting, you needed to react quickly and without thinking to potential danger. If you saw an object in your path that looked like a poisonous snake, you could immediately flee from the situation - even if the object only turned out to be a stick. It was far better to err on the side of negative, tunnel visioned thoughts than it would have been to assume it was a stick and be bitten by the snake.

In today's world, however, we are faced with many stress responses and we don't need to act automatically, nor do we always need to act negatively. When we do, we elicit a full-blown stress response that will affect our health and our sleep.

The Positive Reframe

Sometimes a negative response is the right response to a situation. If a loved one dies, it is normal and natural to grieve and feel loss. If you lose your job, it is normal to feel upset. However, these feelings are usually time-limited.

The problem arises when the negative emotions are excessive, unhealthy, long-lasting, and create excessive stress responses. When this happens, sleep, motivation, and health are adversely affected. The key is learning to change your ANTs and reframe them in a positive manner. By doing so, we can keep the stress response lowered.

Recognizing ANTs

Before you can make changes in your ANTs, you are going to have to learn to recognize them. The best way is to write them down. In this way, you will be able to see what you say to yourself and objectively examine the statements so that you can see how distorted and negative they are.

Try this exercise:

Choose one or two situations that occurred where you had negative emotional reactions. Describe the situation briefly under a column you call "situation." It might be something like "Traffic jam on way to work" or "Argument with daughter about homework," etc.

In the next column, write your ANTs. Ask yourself, "What were the negative thoughts going through my head while this situation was going on? What thoughts contributed to my stress?"

Do this for a couple of days until you become more aware of your ANTs. Once you can recognize some of your ANTs, move onto the next step.

Four Methods For Reframing ANTs

You are now ready to add a third column to your exercise. Name this column "positive reframe."

1. Black and White To Gray

The first method for reframing is changing all or nothing, also called black and white words, to gray words. Let's take an example. If you said, "I always have bad luck" you used a black and white word - always. Very rarely is always or never true. Instead, you could use a gray word - sometimes - to reframe this ANT. "I sometimes have bad luck." Now it doesn't seem so awful. Here is a good list of black and white words to help you:

*Catastrophe
*Must, must be
*Impossible
*Always
*Incompetent
*Bad
*Evil
*Powerless
*Unjust
*Complete disapproval or complete failure
*Never

If you find that you are using black and white words in your ANTS, then you can change them to gray words. Instead of impossible, you can say that it is difficult, but that you are up for the challenge. Find a way to reframe your thoughts without the "all or nothing" words.

2. Ask Key Questions

Another method is to ask yourself key questions about the ANT:

*With an open mind, can I rationally support and prove this ANT?
*What evidence exists that proves the falseness of the ANT?
*Does any evidence exist that proves the truth of my ANT?
*Is what happened really as awful and intolerable as my ANT suggested?
*Why is the ANT unrealistic?
*Why is the ANT unproductive?
*How does the ANT keep me from getting what I want?
*What pain has the ANT caused me in the past?
*What pain will the ANT cause me in the future?
*If I told 100 people my ANT, how many of them would tell me that it is realistic and productive?

These questions will help you see the inaccuracies and falsehood of your ANTs. They will help you see your ANTs as thoughts and not facts. As you answer these questions, develop a positive reframe about your ANT.

3. The Comparison Technique

A third method for creating a positive reframe is to use the comparison technique. We are typically much harder on ourselves than we are on others. So, look at your ANTs as though you were saying them to a friend. Would you? If not, then what would you say? Write this down as your positive reframe.

4. Look To The Past

And finally, look to the past. You've probably experienced something similar in the past. How did it turn out? Was it a total catastrophe? No, or you wouldn't be here now doing this exercise. By looking to our past we can prove to ourselves that the situation is not as bad as we are making it out to be. You can create a positive reframe by comparing the current situation to a past one.

The Positive Automatic Response (PAT)

Now that you can identify your ANTs and you know how to make a positive reframe, you need to start doing so more automatically, rather than by writing them down at the end of the day. There are three steps to the PAT technique:

1. Stop. When you find yourself in a stressful situation, say "Stop." This will help you to stop your ANTs before they get out of hand.
2. Take Five. After you say stop, practice a "Take Five." This will relax you and direct your attention away from the stressful event.
3. Positive Reframe. Reframe your ANTs using one of the techniques described above.

This PAT technique is useful, but hard to learn since our ANTs are so automatic and ingrained. But with practice you can give yourself a PAT instead of filling yourself with ANTs - and everyone I know would rather have a pat than be crawling with ants!

The more you practice them, the better you will become at decreasing the stress in your life. And as you decrease the stress, you will find that you are happier and healthier.