Finding About Your Cheating Wife
- Date: 2006-12-18 - Word Count: 1443 Share This!
Typically, when we hear the word "cheating", as it relates to marriage and serious relationships, we generally think of the man doing the cheating but the truth is that women cheat too. In fact, as many as 60% of all married women have an affair at some time in her married life although some experts believe these numbers are more around 40%. Regardless, for most of us, the numbers are a grim reminder that both men and women are unhappy, reaching out to someone else to fix things rather than working it out together.
Keep in mind that the reasons and the way in which an affair is carried out, varies between men and women. For instance, a man will generally get involved with a female other than his wife as a means of adding a degree of excitement back into his life. In other words, the man is usually looking for a factor of thrill - the chase and the catch. On the other hand, the female having an affair is often looking for emotional support, someone who will listen to her and who takes interest in her life.
Sure, some women also want the excitement of an affair but more often than not, it is for reasons different from that of a man. For this reason, if the husband is committed to his wife, and pays the attention to her needed, she would likely not stray. One of the interesting scenarios in which a woman will cheat on a husband is when she feels the relations are too comfortable, too predictable, and possible to safe. It isn't always that she's unhappy or that she minds her husband coming home after a hard day only to fall asleep in the recliner. However, when the husband no longer compliments her about her clothing, tells her she's beautiful, and offers no support to the things important to her, then she might reach out to someone who will.
As most people know through various research and books such as "Men are from Mars and Women from Venus", men tend to be very, visual creatures while women are emotional creatures. What this means is that a man needs to be stroked and he enjoys seeing his wife fixing dinner in nice jeans and a blouse or something decent rather than baggy sweats. For the woman, her needs could be physical but they are generally emotional. Her type of stroking is with words and gentle touches.
If you suspect your wife may be thinking about having an affair or is already involved with someone else, you need to talk. Chances are, she's dying inside, wishing she could salvage her broken marriage but not knowing how. As the man, you need to literally make her your princess, the love of your life, and one person above all else that you can't wait to see and spend time with.
Keep in mind that women often need ongoing support so try to incorporate nice things into her day but also her night. Sex to her is probably just as important as to you although she may show her desire differently. Ask her if you're not satisfying her in bed, perhaps she wants to experiment with new positions or try some fun things. However, along with enjoying crazy lovemaking, remember the woman also needs to be held. Therefore, when or if you can get to this point with your wife, you need to learn to be confident and comfortable with snuggling.
Many women who actually get involved with another man feel vulnerable. Women are special in that they love and need to be courted and dated. Women love to have car doors opened, chairs pulled out in restaurants, hidden notes, small gifts, and occasional flowers. What this type of action tells a woman is that her man is thinking about her and actually taking an action to please her. With this, a sense of confidence and trust develops, which leads to a much better relationship.
The key to keeping a wife from cheating is to find the perfect balance of her having her independence while also feeling as though her man has everything under control. For the man, trying to understand this can be frustrating and it definitely takes time. Sure, she flirt a little with a friend, the man at the gym, or the gardener, but as long as you are providing her with the type of support needed, the chances of her actually going on and cheating are not overly high.
Now, another tip for husbands suspecting their wives may be cheating - talk, don't yell and don't accuse until you have the facts. The problem is that many men will turn into this macho machine, feeling they have to become tough and gruff, which only makes them look like a fool. Therefore, find a neutral and quiet place where just the two of you can sit down, as adults, and talk. With this, two things will happen. First, you may discover that your suspicions are way off base. On the other hand, if your wife were having an affair but you want her back, handling the situation the right way will give you the best possibility of that happening.
If you notice potential signs of infidelity, take these and make them into something positive. Okay, so how does that work? Well, if you found that your wife wants to get out of the house more often, telling you it's for work or with girlfriends, start making date nights for those same nights. To get her to accept your invitation to go out, choose things you know she would love, even if you hate them. As an example, take her to the ballet or symphony. Yes, you would have to try a few new things but again, she will notice you making the effort. It's all about winning her heart back so you become her knight in shining armor, as you once were.
Unlike men, women who get involved with extra marital affairs will often be willing to work things out to save the family. Therefore, putting forth a lot more effort could pay off. Just remind yourself that while you might want things to change overnight, it probably won't happen that way. Counseling takes time and a tremendous amount of determination and patience.
If you believe your wife is cheating and you've done all you can to talk to her, trying desperately to find out the truth but to no avail, your only other real option may be to hire a private investigator. This professional would have the skill and training to tail or follow your wife. With the information gained, you would know where she goes, whether she meets anyone (male or female), and if she were lying to you. In this case, if she told you that on a particular night she was working late but the hired private investigator discovered her heading to the local bar or club, or even meeting someone at a hotel, then you would have the proof needed.
The bottom line is that wives do cheat. As the woman, if you feel tempted and don't want to have an affair but your husband is just not getting it, then you may need to go through some individual counseling. Many times what happens is that the husband realizes the wife is going and begins to worry what things are being said about him. Therefore, if you were to go seek out help, you need to be doing it for yourself because the truth is that you can't now nor, ever change your mate. He is who he is. While he has the capability and willpower to work on the marriage just as you do, he has to make the decision to do so.
After investing time in your marriage, it would seem that a little more effort might be worth it. In reality, it could end up that the marriage fails regardless, but what's there to lose, especially if your husband has hired someone who now has evidence that you've been unfaithful. The best thing you can do is be honest that the affair occurred and then seek some help to find out why. If the marriage survives this ordeal, then it will likely become and remain stronger than it was before.
As the cheating wife, you are not alone with your frustrations and fears. In fact, you will now commonly find support groups for people just like you, trying to determine the next step. Many of these women stay with their husbands and go on to have a great marriage while others never get past the infidelity. All you can do is try to see what happens.
Susan Jackson offers free advice to anyone who has suspicions -and needs to know more about how to catch a cheating partner From collecting evidence, to keeping your suspicions secret, to the emotional side of dealing with these difficult times.
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