It's Not Why You Argue, But How You Argue
In order to Co-Create a Conscious Relationship, you must treat each other with respect and have a safe, honest, peaceful, respectful, and loving discussion. If you already do - at all times -- stop reading this article and enjoy your relationship. If not, continue reading to see if you can have an intense argument but still end the fight with safe, positive, loving feelings intact.
If an argument grows out of control, can you stop the battle and break the negative state? Can you calm yourself, return to your positive state, and finish the discussion in a safe, loving, and respectful manner? Or do you continue down the path of disappointment, frustration, defensiveness, resentment, contempt, and anger, thus entering the Cycle of Conflict?
For example, Tom and Sue have a discussion that turns into the "same old argument" about his working too much. Tom gets defensive and starts to degrade Sue - she doesn't have a job, she should be grateful for all they have, he is only doing what is best for the family, etc. Sue reacts by berating him about not being there for the kids, and the like. Tom starts to yell - about anything and everything - and nothing is solved. Tom and Sue need to learn how to have this same old argument once and for all.
When in the throws of conflict, one or both of the partners must find a way to break the state, and do something to stop the cycle of toxic words and actions, thereby diffusing the negative energy. This one action alone can make or break a relationship. Breaking the negative state and stopping the conflict prevents overwhelming negative feelings that create an emotional gorge in the relationship. Sue could simply hold out her hand - a signal that she recognizes they are out of control. Tom understands the gesture, for he has used it as well. This first step breaks the state that often leads them to conflict. It is the first step necessary to end the cycle of conflict.
The second step is to self-soothe and calm down. Tom takes five deep breaths, and Sue closes her eyes and visualizes her favorite spot on the beach. The third and most critical step is to break the state of mind. If conflict has been frequent and intense, they have all the more reason to turn the tide of negativism before it drowns out all the positive feelings in the relationship. They each see that they had a part in this debacle, and want to rectify it. They come back together in a calmer, positive state to continue the discussion and arrive at a mutual compromise.
The last step is true forgiveness. We must be tolerant of each other's limitations and remember we are all fallible, human and deserve forgiveness. Through true forgiveness we can stop the endless recycling of negative energy and look upon others and ourselves with love.
Related Tags: marriage, communication, couples, passion, conflict, relationship.love
Glenn Cohen is the author of the dynamic new book,
The Journey from "I-TO-WE"™
If you would like a FREE introductory session
and to explore engaging Glenn in coaching services,
or for speaking engagements, seminars, or workshops,
contact him at http://i-to-we-relationship-coaching.com
Recent articles in this category:
- Metal Detector Can Save Lives
Wars and unexpected accidents have been one of the many issues that have been unavoidable in the liv - Discover How Pool Float Toys Affect Your Summer Vacation
Hot. This is a perfect description what summer is. It is a feel-good time for families to enjoy a nu - Luxury Watch For Your Loved Ones and Yourself
Whether it's a birthday celebration, anniversary, Christmas or even just an ordinary day receiving g - Why Purchase Swiss Army Watches?
Wearing a wristwatch or having a pocket watch is a very important accessory of a person because it t - Personalized Groomsmen Gifts : Engraved Groomsmen Mugs
Giving something personalized for your groomsmen is a wonderful idea to let your friends feel that t - A Few Helpful Baby Shower Tips
Baby showers are wonderful occasions that usually create lasting memory for both expectant parents a - Discount Groomsmen Gifts That You Can Purchase Online
Weddings are special and memorable occasions that should be planned well, and one of the most vital - How to Wear a Knee Boot
A lot of women today are trying to integrate a knee boot into their fashion style because they are a - Wearing a Knee Boot
A knee boot is definitely something you should be investing on most especially during the cold seaso - Finding Cheap Skis
If you are a fan of various water sports, you are probably one of those people who have been in the
Most viewed articles in this category:
- Capitalism Under Attack: Petrodollars, Petroeuros and the Iranian Oil Bourse
"This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous [...]. Havi - One Percenters
Hells Angels Inc is the most successful enterprise of its kind in Canada.In 2000 they moved into Ont - Monogamy: Is She My One and Only?
Copyright © 2007 Susan Adams After decades of matchmaking experience, years of being active in - The Best Of Oprah's Favorite Things
Oprah's annual Favorite Things show has been causing a frenzy with fans for the past six years. But - Researching British Soldiers Who Served in the 1914-18 Great War
At In the footsteps BATTLEFIELD TOURS we occasionally receive enquiries about how to trace the recor - Reefer Madness Replaced by Hydro Hysteria
In the 20's there was Reefer Madness, now we have the 21st century version; Hydro Hysteria. Mari - How Can Society Stop Sexual Predators
Perhaps society holds the lowest regard of all for sex predators, those evil men who prey on that wh - Making Communication Work For Your Relationship
Brooke said to Gary, "In our entire relationship, I've gone above and beyond for you … for us. I co - How To Attract And Seduce Women Using The 'Unmask Method'
When it comes to meeting, attracting and seducing women, most guys don't know where to start. But th - How to Keep Your Man Feeling Lucky and Happy
Your Good Man hopes that you will remain the loving, beautiful, feminine, kind, sexy American Geisha