Staplers, Binders, and Paper Clips Oh My!
This particular session was being held to determine if the wording was correct in memos that were sent to each member of Congress. The memo was solely meant to inform them that they needed to attend a session about the way they word things.
After I resisted the urge to bludgeon myself with the coffee table, I began to imagine what a session of Congress would be like if one of their secretaries asked for a new stapler.
I thought of the secretary going to his or her boss, a Congress Person (politically correct you know) and saying that the stapler for the office was broken and a new one was needed. The Congress Person (CP) would then draft a memo to another CP who would take said memo to the next session and give it to the head CP.
The head CP would open the floor with a motion for the procurement of a new stapler for the CP's secretary. Before the motion can be seconded, another CP will stand up and ask if there is an accurate definition of what a stapler is.
There will then be a lot of grumbling and low whispers. No one in the entire chamber will have a definition of what a stapler is.
Another CP will then floor a motion to start a committee whose job it is to determine what a stapler is and what purpose it serves.
The motion is seconded. Yet another CP will stand and floor a motion to have a study prepared that will show what effects the purchasing of the stapler will have on inner city school children, the green mambo snake and El NINO weather conditions.
Three months later, the committee to elect the committee is finished electing the committee and the company hired to do the study will inform Congress that inner city school children will benefit from the purchasing of the stapler, the green mambo snake will still be the fastest land snake and El NINO weather conditions will continue to provide a wonderful cover-up for alien landings. Two years later, the committee that was elected by the committee will report that the definition of a stapler is "a manually powered paper joining device." The head CP floors a motion to accept this definition of a stapler. The motion is seconded and is ordered into record.
A purchase order is filled out by the Congressional purchase order person, and a notice of bids being accepted for the purchase of a stapler are sent out.
Three years, four months and twenty-one days later the stapler is delivered to the CP's secretary. Final cost: $212,567.87 God Bless America.
Related Tags: money, congress, humor, government, funny, office, staplers
C Weaver is the co-founder, webmaster, and writer for The Laughing Gas, http://www.thelaughinggas.com
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