Key Stages in a Relationship - Stage 2B
One colleague told me me that, in this heady stage, her husband used to accompany her willingly everywhere she went, especially to the shops, without a murmur. He just couldn't have enough of her company. He liked treating her to anything she wanted, getting immense pleasure from demonstrating his generosity, and always had a surprise for her. Three years into the marriage, she complained that he just sat in front of the television every weekend like a slob, whingeing about how much money she spends on clothes and bemoaning the time she spends shopping. There seemed to be little desire to impress her anymore; no need to fulfil her expectations. Having bagged her as his wife, he was now more secure about her and this affected his perception of the situation. This also lowered his expectation of her while he ignored her expectations of him.
His behaviour might be disappointing, but not so surprising. At the 'besotment' stage, fulfilling expectations is essential for progress. We wouldn't get very far just doing what we like when we are trying to impress another person, so partners tend to be very cautious about saying or doing the 'wrong' thing in case it is not taken as expected. The chosen one is also the most important individual in the world at this time, the object of adoration and pleasure. Friends and family are likely to complain that they never see you any more.
Time for Taking Chances and Risks
Above all, as you are blind to the person's faults - and looks - or consider them insignificant, heaven help the friend who passes an adverse comment about how ugly or boring they are! That is why it is often futile for parents to advise their children negatively about a new soulmate at this stage. This is the worst time to expect them to see what parents can see. The emphasis on romance in this phase allows you to take chances and risks. It nurtures a belief that 'I can do it' or 'Anything is possible'. The focus is really on a positive present - not the future, because that is still undecided.
This besotment stage is extraordinarily powerful and tends to be terribly exhausting. Being emotionally draining and dependent upon consistent maintenance of its positive nature, it is difficult to sustain over too long a period and is thus guaranteed to be relatively short, lasting typically from two months to two years. As both of you are virtually living a lie at this time, not really revealing your true selves, romancing keeps you on your guard and takes up a lot of energy and time - not to mention money! What with all the courting needed and the pretensions of trying to be the same as your partner, it's really heavy going. Eventually you tire of living at such a heightened level and swiftly, or gradually, fall to earth.
Additionally, one person might begin to think in terms of marriage while the other isn't keen, and this could also herald problems. When the cost to your individuality becomes too great, you begin to try to change the other person. If there is resistance to change, you might insist upon it, with the likelihood of not succeeding at all and merely creating resentment. If you are still happy with each other, the power struggle begins as a prelude to the next level which usually demands commitment. This stage leads, inevitably, to a regular dating regime, to marriage itself or setting up home together. Alternatively, this is where the relationship could end as perceptions change for the worse.
Related Tags: attraction, love, fantasy, passion, approval, potential, beautiful, dependency, belonging, besotted
ELAINE SIHERA (Ms Cyprah -http://www.ecademy.com/user/elainesihera and http://www.myspace.com/elaineone) is an expert author, public speaker, media contributor and lifestyle columnist. The first Black graduate of the OU and a post-graduate of Cambridge University. Elaine is a CONFIDENCE guru and a Personal Empowerment, Relationships and Diversity Consultant. Author of: 10 Easy Steps to Growing Older Disgracefully; 10 Easy Steps to Finding Your Ideal Soulmate!; Money, Sex & Compromise and Managing the Diversity Maze, among others (available on http://www.amazon.co.uk as well as her personal website). Also the founder of the British Diversity Awards and the Windrush Men and Women of the Year Achievement Awards. She describes herself as, "Fit, Fabulous, Over-fifty and Ready to Fly!"
Your Article Search Directory : Find in ArticlesRecent articles in this category:
- Metal Detector Can Save Lives
Wars and unexpected accidents have been one of the many issues that have been unavoidable in the liv - Discover How Pool Float Toys Affect Your Summer Vacation
Hot. This is a perfect description what summer is. It is a feel-good time for families to enjoy a nu - Luxury Watch For Your Loved Ones and Yourself
Whether it's a birthday celebration, anniversary, Christmas or even just an ordinary day receiving g - Why Purchase Swiss Army Watches?
Wearing a wristwatch or having a pocket watch is a very important accessory of a person because it t - Personalized Groomsmen Gifts : Engraved Groomsmen Mugs
Giving something personalized for your groomsmen is a wonderful idea to let your friends feel that t - A Few Helpful Baby Shower Tips
Baby showers are wonderful occasions that usually create lasting memory for both expectant parents a - Discount Groomsmen Gifts That You Can Purchase Online
Weddings are special and memorable occasions that should be planned well, and one of the most vital - How to Wear a Knee Boot
A lot of women today are trying to integrate a knee boot into their fashion style because they are a - Wearing a Knee Boot
A knee boot is definitely something you should be investing on most especially during the cold seaso - Finding Cheap Skis
If you are a fan of various water sports, you are probably one of those people who have been in the
Most viewed articles in this category:
- Capitalism Under Attack: Petrodollars, Petroeuros and the Iranian Oil Bourse
"This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous [...]. Havi - One Percenters
Hells Angels Inc is the most successful enterprise of its kind in Canada.In 2000 they moved into Ont - Monogamy: Is She My One and Only?
Copyright © 2007 Susan Adams After decades of matchmaking experience, years of being active in - The Best Of Oprah's Favorite Things
Oprah's annual Favorite Things show has been causing a frenzy with fans for the past six years. But - Researching British Soldiers Who Served in the 1914-18 Great War
At In the footsteps BATTLEFIELD TOURS we occasionally receive enquiries about how to trace the recor - Reefer Madness Replaced by Hydro Hysteria
In the 20's there was Reefer Madness, now we have the 21st century version; Hydro Hysteria. Mari - How Can Society Stop Sexual Predators
Perhaps society holds the lowest regard of all for sex predators, those evil men who prey on that wh - Making Communication Work For Your Relationship
Brooke said to Gary, "In our entire relationship, I've gone above and beyond for you … for us. I co - How To Attract And Seduce Women Using The 'Unmask Method'
When it comes to meeting, attracting and seducing women, most guys don't know where to start. But th - How to Keep Your Man Feeling Lucky and Happy
Your Good Man hopes that you will remain the loving, beautiful, feminine, kind, sexy American Geisha