Current Affairs, Investor Sheds Major Stake In The USA


by DAVID LOVATTSMITH - Date: 2008-10-22 - Word Count: 424 Share This!

Oct 22, 2008: The legendary financier, Kirk Kerkorian stunned US officials Tuesday by announcing that he was bailing out of his large stake in the United States. By selling off his more than 170 trillion shares in the United States of America (Freeloaders) Inc., said to be now worth less than $14,50 (including federal and state taxes), Mr. Kerkorian will be able to reallocate resources to more vibrant, stable economies such as Zimbabwe and Chad.

Mr. Kerkorian's abrupt decision to back away from the U.S.A. comes just a few weeks after Henry Paulson's establishment of the Goldman Sachs alumni Country Club fund with an initial investment of nearly eight hundred billions of Treasury (a.k.a. US taxpayer's) dollars.

The stock of the closely held United States of America (Freeloaders) Inc. has plunged over the last year, having fallen to DETAI (don't even think about it) junk ratings. The Canadian supermarket chain, Loblaws, announced Monday that it will no longer redeem the shares in exchange for seedless English cucumbers, but that it will still accept them for bathroom tissue (single sheet).

With the specter of bankruptcy now hovering over the U.S.A., the likelihood is increasing that the federal government will appeal to the federal government for a federal government financial bailout along the lines of Mr Paulson's federal government Goldman Sachs Country Club fund.

"It's reaching a point where we'll have to decide if we're willing to let the U.S.A. fail," said a spokesman for Saturday Night Live, where farce makes a profit, "It depends on the urgency that the federal government feels to save the federal government."

The failure of the U.S.A. would have far-reaching economic and social consequences.

It employs more than 1,000,000 legal workers, 300,000,000 illegal workers, and provides health care and pensions to more than 3 American citizens as well as the Senate, the House of Representatives and the entire senior management of Wall Street.

"I would think that most people understand the importance of the U.S.A. as a whole to the golden parachute industrial base," a Senator, who requested anonymity because he couldn't remember which name he was using this month, told this reporter, "Clearly we've got to be ready to act if and when the situation gets to such a point that we're losing too many balls on the 17th at Sawgrass, the additional support needs to be available."

In an unrelated development, U.S. citizens living along the U.S.-Mexican border are complaining that the fence contructed to keep out illegal immigrants is preventing them from illegally emigrating to Mexico.


Related Tags: bailout, paulson, kerkorian, sawgrass golf club

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