Butt Out


by C Weaver - Date: 2006-12-16 - Word Count: 620 Share This!

I have been offended, and this time it wasn't even my fault. I am considering calling the L.A. Times, as their recent headlines have been a little stale: "Barbara Streisand Cancels Newspaper Subscription."

I propose: "Devilishly Handsome, Outrageously Funny, Pulitzer Prize Worthy Humorist Is Offended." For those of you who are not at this moment on the phone to the Times demanding that they print the above headline, I will tell how and why I was offended.

This evening my wife and I decided to watch a movie. This was one of the few times when we actually got to watch a movie of our own choosing, because the kids were not home. Anyway, there we were, steadily munching on popcorn and all of a sudden BAM! Mel Gibson's butt appears on the screen. To make matters worse, it was not a quick little pan by his butt type of thing, but instead a full, 20-30 second full on butt viewing. I was offended.

What I would like to know is where are the politically correct, anti-nudity, jobless zealots at when old Mel is flashing his backyard across my big screen? Where are the outraged letters to the editor, the newspaper headlines or TV interviews?

I am sure that there is some one out there who is reading this and saying "I bet if they flashed Julia Roberts back side across the TV you wouldn't say a word!" This would, of course, be said by some politically correct person of the opposite but better than male gender who is obviously angry that I rented the last movie featuring Mel Gibson's back door.

To this angry person of the opposite but better than male gender I would say "You are wrong! I no more want to see Julia Robert's rear than I would want to see Joan River's posterior." NOTE TO JULIA ROBERTS: Nothing personal there JR.

The plain and simple fact of the matter is the raving double standard. The rules for political correctness and protest are not applied evenly.

For instance, if I were to say that Anna Nichol Smith has the IQ of a toilet plunger, which I am not saying officially on record even though it is true, I would then come under the scrutiny of 200 angry feminists. The scrutiny that I speak of would come in the form of viscous letters threatening harm to parts of my body that I wish to remain unharmed.

Now, what if a woman were to say that Arnold Schwarzenegger is a muscle bound fat-head with the common sense of a cigar butt? Who would be outraged then? Are there malist groups out there who are just lying in wait for a woman to make a slip of the tongue so they can make a federal case of it? No, there are not! (I did a Google search and there is no such thing as a "Malist")

My point in all of this is simple. If someone wants to be outraged and offended, then everyone should have the right to be just as outraged and offended for the same thing.

Case and point would be nudity in movies. Feminist groups get their bonnets in a knot every time a movie shows a woman's upper arm. Yet, here I am, bombarded by Mel Gibson's back-side and no one has said a word. I may just protest on my own. That's right, I am not going to shave my legs for an entire month. How would that be?

In conclusion, I would like to send a message to Hollywood, particularly the people who decide to put nudity (male or female) in the movies. If I wanted to stare at butts all day, I would become a Supreme Court Justice! Is that clear enough?


Related Tags: writing, humor, movies, funny, mel gibson, julie roberts, offended

C Weaver is the co-founder, webmaster, and writer for The Laughing Gas, http://www.thelaughinggas.com

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