Tips For Effective Communication Style With Teenagers
- Date: 2010-05-23 - Word Count: 674
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Teenage behaviour problems are one of the major issues for most parents. There are many causes for their behaviour issues - hormonal and physical changes, stress at school, family stress and peer group pressure. Key symptoms include: disruptive behaviour, decline in performance at school, withdrawal from relationships, argumentative and bickering nature and lack of social skills. During this time of turmoil in teenager's life parents need to show absolute support to them. This can only be achieved through proper communication style. Below are some tips to improve your communication style with your teenager:
Allow them to express: Most teenage behaviour problems are a result of bottle up feelings and emotions and your teenager's inability to express their feelings, without being criticised. Key things to bear in mind to get these feelings out from your teenager are:
• Ask open-ended questions and let them speak and express their thoughts without interruption.
• Encourage your teen to open up and offer support in an unconditional way.
• Try to talk to them in a polite yet firm way if they have behaved badly. Express your displeasure and ask them for explanation.
• Think about what you say. Bombarding them with demands, instructions, or questions you want answered, when they are actually talking to you about something else will make them feel unwanted and unimportant which will make teenage parenting even more difficult for you.
• The next logical step in parenting teenagers is to treat them like an adult - ask for their opinions and advice, and encourage them to come up with solutions to issues faced by the family.
• At the same time you will need to take your teenager's anger and disruptive behaviour seriously. If the teens sense they are not being taken seriously, all hope of helping them goes down the drain.
• Avoid making light of their feelings.
• Get out of the constant ordering mode and coach them as much as possible.
• Finally, give space - don't keep on breathing down their neck.
Listen: Teenage years are not just about a change in your teenager's life but also in yours. What makes parenting teenagers tough is the lack of acceptance of the second half of the above statement. As parents if we keep on doing things in the old ways, it is not going to help improve the situation. Parenting teenagers is all about changing our role from "tell" to "listen".
Do not be critical: When listening do not be judgemental or sarcastic. Rather than constantly criticising them or making jokes about their appearance or views, you should encourage them and support them through this time. Even if you want to criticise - criticise behaviours not person.
Think of your reactions: The key tactic to be aware of when parenting adolescents, once you have realised that your teen's actions aren't harming anyone, is to avoid confrontation. Try and remain calm and patient in all aspects of teenage parenting. The thing to remember is that you need to put your feelings to the side, and rather than reacting in an extreme manner, you need to find ways to show your teenager the impact and outcome of their actions.
Show Empathy: Give them space and allow them to explore their emotions and ask you for support where required. You will need to acknowledge the pain that they are going through even though it might appear silly and irrational to you. Reassure them you're behind them 100 per cent, and help them to review all their options.
Rebuild your relationship: When your child enters their teens, as with any relationship, you need to give the relationship with them time to develop to the next phase.
In the book "Solving Teenage Problems", a few communication techniques are explained that can help you get the perspective behind some of the tips above. The book also provides some models to help you enhance your communication style and have an effective and fruitful communication with the teenager; whatever the situation. Teenage parenting is not very easy, but constant perseverance and practice of some of the communication techniques can help you achieve great results.
Allow them to express: Most teenage behaviour problems are a result of bottle up feelings and emotions and your teenager's inability to express their feelings, without being criticised. Key things to bear in mind to get these feelings out from your teenager are:
• Ask open-ended questions and let them speak and express their thoughts without interruption.
• Encourage your teen to open up and offer support in an unconditional way.
• Try to talk to them in a polite yet firm way if they have behaved badly. Express your displeasure and ask them for explanation.
• Think about what you say. Bombarding them with demands, instructions, or questions you want answered, when they are actually talking to you about something else will make them feel unwanted and unimportant which will make teenage parenting even more difficult for you.
• The next logical step in parenting teenagers is to treat them like an adult - ask for their opinions and advice, and encourage them to come up with solutions to issues faced by the family.
• At the same time you will need to take your teenager's anger and disruptive behaviour seriously. If the teens sense they are not being taken seriously, all hope of helping them goes down the drain.
• Avoid making light of their feelings.
• Get out of the constant ordering mode and coach them as much as possible.
• Finally, give space - don't keep on breathing down their neck.
Listen: Teenage years are not just about a change in your teenager's life but also in yours. What makes parenting teenagers tough is the lack of acceptance of the second half of the above statement. As parents if we keep on doing things in the old ways, it is not going to help improve the situation. Parenting teenagers is all about changing our role from "tell" to "listen".
Do not be critical: When listening do not be judgemental or sarcastic. Rather than constantly criticising them or making jokes about their appearance or views, you should encourage them and support them through this time. Even if you want to criticise - criticise behaviours not person.
Think of your reactions: The key tactic to be aware of when parenting adolescents, once you have realised that your teen's actions aren't harming anyone, is to avoid confrontation. Try and remain calm and patient in all aspects of teenage parenting. The thing to remember is that you need to put your feelings to the side, and rather than reacting in an extreme manner, you need to find ways to show your teenager the impact and outcome of their actions.
Show Empathy: Give them space and allow them to explore their emotions and ask you for support where required. You will need to acknowledge the pain that they are going through even though it might appear silly and irrational to you. Reassure them you're behind them 100 per cent, and help them to review all their options.
Rebuild your relationship: When your child enters their teens, as with any relationship, you need to give the relationship with them time to develop to the next phase.
In the book "Solving Teenage Problems", a few communication techniques are explained that can help you get the perspective behind some of the tips above. The book also provides some models to help you enhance your communication style and have an effective and fruitful communication with the teenager; whatever the situation. Teenage parenting is not very easy, but constant perseverance and practice of some of the communication techniques can help you achieve great results.
Related Tags: parenting teenagers, communication style, teenage parenting, teenage behaviour problems
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