Marriage Advice : "Next Time I Will Choose Better -- and Choose My Soul-Mate!"
It's a common enough thought -- I just chose the wrong person for a partner, and if given a chance, I will choose better (I hope) next time. I heard it just yesterday in the checkout stand at Long's. Two women were talking about their former relationships and one spoke of her ex-husband as "the wrong guy," though her words about him were far more ferocious and graphic than this. You'd have thought the guy was Charles Manson. Maybe he was. Hey, I live in California.
What a bind we Americans are in! On the one hand, we each grow up being told and believing that there is some "special person," some person who is "the one for me," another human being who is the perfect match for me. If I can find that person, my life will be right and I can be truly happy.
But get this. We also grow up being told and believing that "only I am ultimately responsible for my own happiness." If I am to be happy, "it's up to me." American heroes tend to be loners, characters portrayed by Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, Katherine Hepburn -- who ironically lose their hero status once they do fall in love and "settle down." They become boring.
Youch!
The horns of the dilemma are thus that I must "find that special person" who will make me happy, but I have to remain fervently individualistic in the meantime.
I can't let another person run my life, but I also can't be happy unless "we two are one."
Is it any wonder that many of us tend to approach relationships skeptically, but also idealistically? The marriage rate has not been slowed down by the data on divorces, and divorces have not been slowed down by the marriage rate.
An answer to the dilemma is not simple, but it is achievable. A first step is recognizing that having a partner in life is indeed preferable in life to being alone, for most people.
A second is that normal relationships all include disillusionment, and many other definable steps along the way to real intimacy.
Discovering difference from your partner is normal, feeling betrayed by that difference is normal, your idealism is normal, your skepticism is normal, even feeling abandoned is normal.
Saying stupid things is normal. Having your sex life change over time and feeling unhappy and disappointed over this is normal.
Feeling hopeless and helpless in a relationship is also normal at certain times in everyone's relationship. It is even normal in the course of a relationship (shocking as it may seem to some of us) to wish for your partner to have a nice tidy fatal accident on the way home from work; and normal to feel awful about having such a thought.
Even more important, it is normal to not know how to deal with these problems.
How many classes did you have in your education that told you how to really deal with a profound difference between you and your partner?
How often did your parents sit you down and speak with you about how to work out a disagreement or a disappointment with your partner (if you did have these things, God bless you!).
If you are normal, you have much more training for a job that you might not even care much about than you did for the incredibly demanding life skills of being a partner to someone you love.
This is why a reasonable amount of real dedication to learning about relationships, what works and what doesn't, is as important as anything you can possibly do in life. I recommend that you find a good source of information -- one that fits for you personally -- and put some effort into the relationship you already have rather than dreaming about the one you don't.
Related Tags: online dating, relationship advice, marriage advice, soulmate, free marriage advice
PSSSST! Hey You... Want more money, better sex, a great marriage, a chance to fire that dufus you have for a boss? Dr. Max Vogt has something for YOU. Take a look-see quick: http://www.ImproviseLife.com
Your Article Search Directory : Find in ArticlesRecent articles in this category:
- What to do After the Affair? - Seek Counseling or Get a Divorce?
Whether to stay married or not after the affair is a very difficult decision to make. When you first - Important Things to Consider When Making Cheap But Good-Looking Wedding Invitations
Coming up with a great wedding invitation doesn't have to cost a fortune. Many brides these days opt - DIY Beach Wedding Favor Ideas
One of the most fun and exciting themes for weddings is the beach theme. Whether you are holding you - What You Should Consider Before Proposing
Getting engaged is one of the most exciting things you will ever do. As soon as you ask, your future - Creating Wedding Table Plans With a Snowplough
One of the things people often don't seem to realise when it comes to creating wedding table plans i - Tips on Choosing Jewellery For Weddings
Every bride knows exactly how important wedding jewelleries are, and it holds a big part in the plan - Is Your Husband Having Emotional Affair? - What You Should Do
A husband having emotional affair with a colleague at work, an old friend or online does not automat - How to Use Candles in a Wedding Ceremony
A person's wedding is the most awaited occasion in their lives and thus they wish for it to be perfe - Unique Reception Entertainment on Your Wedding Day
People always look forward to weddings. Whether they are part of the entourage or just simply guests - Wedding Guest List Issues - Children at Your Wedding
A wedding is generally an all-adult event, but with these times, where guests travel from miles away
Most viewed articles in this category:
- Mail Order Bride Success Rates
In recent years, thousands of young women have come to the USA by way of marriage to western men. Th - Wedding Planning - Current Trends In Wedding Accessories
ATTIRE Wedding attire choices for WOMEN have become less traditional and more of personal preferenc - Ukraine Brides - Wealth of Cultural Heritage
Before the girls become Ukraine brides they are fiances. An engagement ceremony takes place where bo - Newest Place Card Holders of 2007
Soon a special event will be taking place in your life and it is a must to have your reception hall - Brides Cut Wedding Flower Costs with DIY Arrangements
With the average cost of professional wedding flower arrangements running between $500-1200, it's no - Back to Basics - Why Women are Attracted to Men?
Women are attracted to men and have been since the beginning of time because that's the way they wer - 8 Steps for Choosing the Perfect Groom's Cake
Guess what? You don't have to follow tradition anymore! It's safe to say that your women gue - Playing Santa
If you are a couple that is looking to spice up your sex life or you are kinky and looking for some - Unique Wedding Favors
So you have finally made the decision to take the final step and get married. What an exciting time - Newest Beach Wedding Favors of 2007
So your are soon to be married and are really thinking about having a destination wedding on the bea