I always knew my son was cool but he wasn't cool in school. In elementary school they called him Einstein; not in a respectful way but in a hurtful way. He didn't want to be Einstein. He wanted to be the "cool" kid. So he started becoming the class clown to try to get the kind of attention he wanted from the other kids. This took the target off his back but still didn't make him cool. His grades were declining and he wasn't making tons of friends. The WORST of both worlds.

My heart broke for him. I signed him up for sports lessons to try to make friends. T-ball, basketball, soccer, Tae Kwon Do. But he wasn't an athlete so he got teased here too.

He liked music so he took piano lessons. He added clarinet lessons in 4th grade and saxophone lessons in 5th grade through the school's music program. One day a bigger boy took his saxophone case away from my son and hit him with it while calling him names. He kept playing the piano at home but quit the music lessons in school.

At 14 years old he discovered the electric guitar. This was the turning point for him. I never would have thought an electric guitar could influence a life so profoundly.

First of all, unlike the piano, the electric guitar was a "cool" instrument. When he learned to play a song he liked, he was proud of himself. When kids at school saw him play at the local teen center, they were impressed and thought he was 'cool." By the time he was 16 he was playing live rock concerts in real rock venues - and the invites to all the parties started coming his way. Even the big jocks at his school were inviting him to hang out with them.

How did a $100 electric guitar turn his self esteem around? It really wasn't a matter of the guitar itself but the way he learned to play. Rather than taking private lessons in our home or a music store he went to the School of Rock Music after school music program that had a three-point curriculum which included individual lessons, group rehearsals and live performances. His individual teacher definitely encouraged him but it was the group rehearsals and live performances that really influenced his self esteem.

Each child needs to feel special for something they do. Our society does a great job of making athletes feel special but we fall short for most other kids. Some schools do a great job with their band program, but not every musician wants to play in a marching band. Several kids dream of being rock stars and those kids want to rock, not march.

Everyone, children included, need to be part of a community in which they know what their individual contributions are. Some kids find this through their school or church. My son found it through the School of Rock. What community is your child contributing to?

When was the last time a teacher, uncle, or another adult who is important in your child's life showed your child that he was important to them? Do adults express their appreciation for your child's contributions? This made a huge difference to my son. His music teacher and music director at School of Rock made a point to tell him, and the other kids, how much they appreciated that he had practiced in preparation for a rehearsal. This positive reinforcement made my son want to practice more.

Since my son had been bullied and teased as a kid, he was sensitive to negative comments. He wouldn't go to an adult to tell them of teasing or bullying but when adults pay attention to what the kids around them are doing and saying - and step in to establish what is acceptable - it's amazing how quickly kids will adjust their behavior.

If your child isn't an athlete and is still looking for a place to belong. Check out the music programs in your community. Maybe it's a School of Rock for your child. Maybe it's a Jazz Music program or Hip Hop or one of many genres. Don't just rely on your school band. There are many, many more musical options to help your child find a community they feel a part of.