To wit:

With all the religious strife in the world, from Sunni versus Shiite, to Israeli versus Palestinian, to Christian versus... well, versus everyone else, I am reminded of Woody's noble utterance, so calming, so reassuring, regarding religion's place in the world.

That utterance, of course, was this: "Between air conditioning and the Pope, I'll take air conditioning."

Kind of sums it all up, if you ask me. War. Terrorism. Hypocrisy. Zealotry. All of it. We must admit: For many, the gods continue to make life on Earth a living hell. Given the track record (and body count) of religion, it does make you wonder, doesn't it? What if we had just chosen air conditioning instead?

Even to look beyond the humor of the pronouncement, wouldn't it be nice to side against the gods once in a while? Whether it's Jesus, Allah, Muhammad... What if we just said, "Hey, back OFF! Can't you see we're talking here?"

"We're talking about peace, love and understanding and we'd really appreciate a little quiet. Thank you." (Yes, gods can be loud. Especially when they don't get their way.)

Who knows, maybe the gods would even respect us a bit more for standing up to them like that. And really, would it be blasphemy to merely... put the gods on hold? To simply... not get back to them right away?

Meanwhile, as the gods waited, we could use that valuable time to sort out our earthly conflicts in more earthly ways, without gods even getting involved. Besides, what do gods know about being human? Should they really be wielding so much influence? I mean, hey, they don't even live here!

Then again... No.

No way.

Will never happen.

The gods will always have their way. The religious industrial complex -- the one in the west, and the one in the Middle East -- will see to that.

It sure is sad, though, in this day and age, to see people die for religion. Sadder still to see them kill for it. Sadder still to think of the children, now and through history, whose C.O.D. was filed under Religious Collateral Damage.

And for what?

Religion?

No thanks.

These days, I'm afraid that if it came right down to it -- especially on a hot day! -- I'm with Woody. I'd flip on the air conditioning. Who knows, maybe cooler heads would prevail.

"IN THE EVENT OF WAR, I'M A HOSTAGE"

Were he to become peace activist, Woody could be right up there with John Lennon.

Indeed, Woody is not just against war, he is also courageous enough to admit that he is out-and-out afraid of it.

This insight is richly illustrated with his beloved quip from "Annie Hall:" They didn't take me in the Army. I was 4-P. In the event of war, I'm a hostage."

Anyway, I guess it's just Woody and me. Just us hostages. Unless, reader, you are with us, too. What do you say? Set aside religion, worldwide, for maybe, oh, I don't know, fifteen minutes? Then we could all have a quick chat and simply ask each other, "Two, three, four, what are we fighting for?"

You know as well as I -- No one would be able to come up with an answer.

Not to mention how horrible it would be to discover that all this time, since the dawn of civilization, we'd been killing each other over something that doesn't even exist.

Wow!

Bummer!

Of course, this reminds me of yet another Woody aphorism. This one, from "Love and Death."

"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."

Watching the Six O'clock news, it's hard to disagree with that.

And while Woody's a philosopher, I think it fitting to close with the words of another, perhaps better known philosopher.

"The gods too are fond of a joke." --Aristotle