After divorce, many individuals find themselves dealing with
insecurities about themselves and their ability to stay in a stable
relationship. When children are involved, a divorce can require child
custody and visitation rights. Seeing a child go through the rigors
of choosing one parent over the other adds to the despair and
helplessness a newly divorced parent feels. Yet, divorce does not
mean the end of life itself, and many individuals can move on and
make a new life for themselves, and for their children.

After divorce takes place, both parties involved may find it hard to
move on and start another romantic relationship. This is especially
true in cases where one spouse leaves the other. When someone
leaves the marriage, they may have an easier time coping with the
"emotional baggage" that can accompany a divorce because the
person maintains a sense of control over the situation. It becomes
difficult for the person "being left" because they feel powerless to
control the situation. The role you played in a divorce can
determine how well you are able to move on and eventually begin
a new relationship. After divorce, try to think about yourself for
once and figure out what it is you really want out of a relationship
with another individual. This may require you to think back on your
marriage to see what went wrong. Was the lack of love mutual
between you and your spouse? If you were the one to end the
marriage, what made you seek a divorce in the first place? Once
you can assess the situation to some degree, avoid falling into
isolation, obsessing over the marriage, or trying to find ways to
get even. These emotions will only increase the negativity you may
already be feeling about yourself or about your former spouse.
Instead, give yourself ample time to heal after a divorce and focus
on things you always wanted to do during your marriage, but
seemed to never find the time for. Focusing on yourself will allow
you give you the opportunity to rediscover what makes you happy
while diminishing your chances of starting a "rebound
relationship" with someone.

There are other problems that can happen after a divorce when
children have to deal with their parents living at two separate
residences. The laws involved in child custody make the divorce
process long and difficult for everyone. The kids will feel pulled in
every direction in the end. The holiday season can be one of the
most stressful times for children since they have to adjust to a new
paradigm after the resolution of any custody litigation. Be open
with your children and discuss exactly what the plans are. Where
will they be spending the holidays? What will they be doing? Which
parent will they be spending time with? Tell them that the holiday
traditions will be different, but won't be altered, when both
parents are not there. You can help your child adjust to having two
homes by listening to the child talk about his frustration and fear.
Lots of kids miss their parents when they are not visiting, so keep
in touch with them while they are away. Your assistance in helping
your child adjust and maintain a sense of normalcy during this
difficult situation will surely strengthen your relationship with your
child.

It can take a lot of time and effort to finalize a divorce settlement.
This is definitely the case, when a couple has been married for
many years. Property includes more than just the house you
shared: items such as cars, pets, and personal things will be
discussed too. An important aspect of property division is
identifying who obtains the house. If you keep the house, ensure
that you take responsibility for the payments by having the deed
signed over in your name If your ex spouse is getting the house,
make sure they sign the deed and take over all responsibility for
the residence. Or else, you can be responsible for paying the
mortgage, if they do not pay the lender. The disposition of financial
assets after divorce depends on the length of the marriage, the
parties' initial assets, and the lawyers' arguments. Lastly, in
certain circumstances, a divorced individual can remain on his or
her ex-spouse's heath insurance plan sometimes up to three
years. This may be particularly relevant in situations when kids are
involved and have to remain on one parent's health plan. Your
divorce settlement, and the concession made during it, will
determine insurance plans.

Property settlements, custody lawyers and feelings of desertion
can make life after divorce extremely difficult. It is important to
overcome the vulnerability and desire to isolate yourself from the
rest of the world after your divorce is final. Giving into these types
of negative behaviors will only worsen you chances of finding
happiness again. Instead, focus on your own needs, and the
needs of your children when coping with a divorce. Only then will
you be able to look at life differently and find ways to make
positive changes.

Andrew Tenco has recently experienced a divorce and when needing a Family Law attorney in California, wisely chose the divorce mediation alternative. He highly recommends the Family Law Center for their mediation skills whenever needing a local Sacramento divorce attorney.