Do People Sometimes Want Depression?
- Date: 2008-07-30 - Word Count: 357
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I know it can be very frustrating when someone you care about is depressed and won't even do simple things to help themselves. I have a friend who has been depressed most of his adult life, often knows what he should do, and won't do it. He's pretty much a shut in now. But does he want to be depressed? No. He's suffering. I don't think anyone wants to suffer.
I think it's a case of sometimes we don't know how hard it is to do something unless we walk in their shoes. I catch myself sometimes doing behaviors that I wish I didn't do, that I know aren't good for me, and yet I'm sometimes mystified how to stop. I can understand how this can be for anyone.
Depression can become a safety zone. Often when people are depressed, less change happens in their lives and they want less change. Change can be very scary, but change is also important. Sometimes though, you have to do baby steps to get change happening again.
Whether I am trying to help myself or a friend who is depressed, I try to pay attention to what works and what doesn't and do more of what works. It's a simple philosophy, but it works better than anything else. Everyone is a bit different, so no one thing works for everyone. You have to experiment and take notes.
Sometimes people need to be heard. Sometimes instead they need to be interrupted when they start feeling sorry for themselves and saying the same old things that always make them feel depressed. Sometimes taking charge helps, like going to their door and saying, "get dressed, we're going out today, don't even think about not coming!" Other times they need to feel their inclinations respected. Which method will work depends on their nature and where they are at the time.
Ultimately, their success is up to them. It may take a lot of time to feel better, but they need support and love and acceptance, and we can help. I just try to pay attention and listen carefully to their feedback of what works for them and what doesn't.
I think it's a case of sometimes we don't know how hard it is to do something unless we walk in their shoes. I catch myself sometimes doing behaviors that I wish I didn't do, that I know aren't good for me, and yet I'm sometimes mystified how to stop. I can understand how this can be for anyone.
Depression can become a safety zone. Often when people are depressed, less change happens in their lives and they want less change. Change can be very scary, but change is also important. Sometimes though, you have to do baby steps to get change happening again.
Whether I am trying to help myself or a friend who is depressed, I try to pay attention to what works and what doesn't and do more of what works. It's a simple philosophy, but it works better than anything else. Everyone is a bit different, so no one thing works for everyone. You have to experiment and take notes.
Sometimes people need to be heard. Sometimes instead they need to be interrupted when they start feeling sorry for themselves and saying the same old things that always make them feel depressed. Sometimes taking charge helps, like going to their door and saying, "get dressed, we're going out today, don't even think about not coming!" Other times they need to feel their inclinations respected. Which method will work depends on their nature and where they are at the time.
Ultimately, their success is up to them. It may take a lot of time to feel better, but they need support and love and acceptance, and we can help. I just try to pay attention and listen carefully to their feedback of what works for them and what doesn't.
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