Relationship Rut: 8 Ways To Dig Your Way Out


by Sheryl Kurland - Date: 2007-02-01 - Word Count: 552 Share This!

What happened to the va-va-voom? Monotony and boredom creep into every loving relationship. This phenomenon doesn't signal an end to the relationship, but rather, it presents an opportunity to be creative and discover way to re-energize and revitalize. The following are pointers shared by couples married 50 years or longer to take your relationship from fizzle to sizzle!:

1. Hold that thought. Going through each day, you likely come in contact with people and things that trigger "fun-activities-we-can-do-together" ideas. But later, upon trying to recall the ideas…..you draw a blank! Capture them by keeping pen and paper handy - in your car, pocketbook, briefcase, the drawer of your nightstand next to your bed, etc. Voila! When you're trying to think of something different to do, you've got a ready list.

2. Become an inventor. When patterns and habits become predictable it's time to break the mold. Use your creativity! One way to do this is to brainstorm all the crazy, absurd, and ridiculous ideas each of you can think of, that you would never do. Then go over your lists together and see if there are seeds for some useful, creative solutions to spice up the partnership.

3. Stare in the mirror. When a relationship grows stale, human inclination is to blame the other person. Reverse the blame. Look inward. Perform this "evaluation" exercise: 1) List the faults and weaknesses of your partner; 2) Apply them to yourself; 3) Make improvements.

4. A squeeze, please! Household chores, everyday obligations and general responsibilities are less cumbersome when your partner sneaks behind you and gives you an unsolicited hug or interrupts you for a smooch. Such an exchange lightens the load and reminds your partner, "I appreciate and care about you" without saying a word.

5. Love the one you're with. At social outings, at the office and elsewhere, when you look around it sometimes feel like others are having all the fun. These observations can magnify the lack of lust on the home-front. Are you missing something? Don't be fooled. 99% of the time the grass isn't greener on the other side. Instead of wallowing in wonder, turn the energy spent in doubt into energy devoted to rekindling the love between you and your mate.

6. I call this meeting to order. In a quiet setting, sit face to face and discuss the "State of the Union." Agree on one short-term and one long-term goal for the partnership. Develop an action plan with specific steps. Delegate them - you, me, together. Establish target dates including subsequent meetings. And, don't forget to include a "celebration" to congratulate yourselves when the goals are reached!

7. Start a tradition. With the holiday season behind us, you likely fulfilled all of your annual family traditions. Now, start a tradition solely for the two of you. Traditions provide grounding to a relationship and help keep you connected.

8. Don't worry, be happy. Although being in a relationship rut feels disheartening in the moment, recognize that all healthy relationships go through cycles. A partnership is an adventure with periods of highs and lows and in-betweens. Constructively digging your way out of the rut together will strengthen the relationship, and your love for each other will intensify.

Remember, every relationship faces it - boredom. Nourishing it with your attention and love will give a much more fulfilling result…and keep the spark alive!


Related Tags: relationship advice, marriage advice, relationship tips, marriage tips, relationship rut

http://www.EverlastingMatrimony.com - An elegant coffee-table book comprised of interviews with 75 couples married 50-plus years, husbands and wives speaking separately. Visit the web site and sign up for free, weekly email "relationship" tips from couples married 50 years or more!

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