Domestic Violence Survival Tips: 3 Deadly Mistakes Domestic Abuse Survivors Make In Seeking Safety
- Date: 2008-07-25 - Word Count: 280
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I often hear people ask, "How do you leave an abusive relationship?" I have one easy answer to this question: quickly and quietly!
More important is what we carry on the way out. Far too often domestic abuse survivors bring into their exile enemies as dangerous as the batterer they left. And then they wonder why they are so fearful, depressed, empty and often times re-victimized by those who hold out a helping hand.
If you are anticipating leaving an abusive relationship, consider avoiding the three deadly mistakes that domestic abuse victims frequently make in seeking safety. Look at them below carefully and make a conscientious effort to build into your exit plan sound solid ways of dismantling the following:
1) Expecting others to save you, salvage your life and usher yourself into dignity, honor and respect. All of these are an inside job. They are your job and can only be accomplished by you.
2) Holding onto the promise that your former partner will come around and maybe even apologize. Who's business is that? His/her apology and remorse have nothing to do with you; rather it has everything to do with him/her, only him/her.
3) Continuing to see the world through "I'm battered" eyes. The psychological projection-whether blatant or subtle-will trip you up every time and interfere with new life emerging. Be mindful of the fact that our inner world creates our outer world. And if you maintain the abused status quo mindset, you will re-create victimization again and again.
I'm convinced that if you spend more time and energy on insuring that you don't do these three deadly mistakes, your entrance into safety will read like the ending of a safe, satisfying happy fairytale.
More important is what we carry on the way out. Far too often domestic abuse survivors bring into their exile enemies as dangerous as the batterer they left. And then they wonder why they are so fearful, depressed, empty and often times re-victimized by those who hold out a helping hand.
If you are anticipating leaving an abusive relationship, consider avoiding the three deadly mistakes that domestic abuse victims frequently make in seeking safety. Look at them below carefully and make a conscientious effort to build into your exit plan sound solid ways of dismantling the following:
1) Expecting others to save you, salvage your life and usher yourself into dignity, honor and respect. All of these are an inside job. They are your job and can only be accomplished by you.
2) Holding onto the promise that your former partner will come around and maybe even apologize. Who's business is that? His/her apology and remorse have nothing to do with you; rather it has everything to do with him/her, only him/her.
3) Continuing to see the world through "I'm battered" eyes. The psychological projection-whether blatant or subtle-will trip you up every time and interfere with new life emerging. Be mindful of the fact that our inner world creates our outer world. And if you maintain the abused status quo mindset, you will re-create victimization again and again.
I'm convinced that if you spend more time and energy on insuring that you don't do these three deadly mistakes, your entrance into safety will read like the ending of a safe, satisfying happy fairytale.
Related Tags: domestic violence, domestic abuse, battered women, abusive relationship help, how to leave an abusive relationship
Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps individuals, families and healthcare professionals recognize and end domestic abuse. For practical psychological tips and insights on surviving in and healing from an abusive relationship, claim your free Survival Success Tips and eInsights
© 2008 Jeanne King, Ph.D. www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com
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