The Art of Selfishness: It's Not What You Think


by Coach Krissy - Date: 2007-06-25 - Word Count: 954 Share This!

The Art of Selfishness

Achieving a harmonious balance between your work
responsibilities and your personal life requires that you
become selfish. That's right, selfish. Stop frowning and
wipe that look of disbelief from your face. Let's look at
this concept in more detail by examining the word "selfish"
in more detail.

Selfish vs Self-ish

The reason you're reading this article right now is because
you don't have work-life balance and you're seeking answers
to your dilemma. The other reason you don't have the
balance you desire is because, most likely, you continually
put the needs of others before your own. Well, it's time to
stop. You need to learn how to become self-ish. And you
need to start right now.

When I speak of selfishness, I'm not talking about the
negative sense of the word -- about being concerned
excessively with oneself, for one's own advantage without
regard to the well-being of others. This isn't about living
your life at the expense of others. Instead, I'm talking
about self-ish - about being loving, kind and caring towards
yourself.

It's about honoring the commitments you make to yourself;
it's about taking care of you in all aspects - body, mind,
and spirit. Without this attitude of self-care and
nurturing, you are of no use to anyone - not to yourself and
certainly not to others.

Harry Brown wrote in his book, "How I Found Freedom in an
Unfree World," that if someone accuses you of being selfish,
the reality is that they are only upset because you aren't
doing what they selfishly want you to do. Thomas J.
Leonard, the late founder of the coaching movement, pointed
out that this kind of selfishness is actually neediness in
disguise.

By always taking care of the needs of others, you're denying
them the opportunity to be responsible for themselves and
their own success. Essentially, you're enabling their
inability to take care of themselves - denying them
opportunities to build self-confidence by taking on
challenges and working through them.

Getting Started

So how do you stop giving in to the needs of others so that
you can properly take care of yourself first? It all starts
with making a commitment to yourself and then learning how
to communicate your needs to others.

We all know about keeping commitments to others. We show up
for meetings, we attend to the needs of our co-workers, our
spouse and our children. We're always there for everyone
else. But, when it comes to ourselves, sometimes the follow
through is not nearly so spectacular.

For example, if you planned a meeting with someone, would
you fail to show up? Of course not. Then why do you do
this to yourself? You need to turn this around. You need
to take care of your needs and responsibilities first.
Everyone has this same responsibility to themselves. It's
time that you keep your commitments to yourself so that you
have the time, energy and other resources to help others
when and how you can.

You might be thinking, "Well, that's easier said than done.
I can't say ‘no' to my boss, my spouse, and, certainly,
never to my children." Yes you can. And, it's easier than
you think.

Do you hate to say "no"? Don't worry; you'll never even
need to utter that word. Thomas Leonard suggested that you
start by never making promises. It's all about developing a
new way of communicating - one that doesn't harm the
relationship between you and others, but just as important,
it doesn't harm you and the commitments that you make to
yourself.

Here are some example phrases you might try with your
friends, colleagues, or family members:

- I'll get back to you if I get a free moment.
- I'll see, but I'm not making any promises.
- Let me think about it and get back to you.
- Do you have an appointment? No? I'm sorry, but I'm busy
right now, but if you would like to make one ... (a great
response for those who interrupt your work day)
- I'll come for lunch, but I can't stay all afternoon.
- Let me see; I need to get this finished first.

None of these phrases demand that you say "no." All
gracious in their wording, you'll never offend others and,
at the same time, you don't need to defend your other work
and life responsibilities. You'll be much happier with how
you're treating yourself and the positive feelings will
certainly carry over to other parts of your life.

By being selfish, by keeping commitments to yourself and
communicating with others in a way that keeps you
responsible to you and your life, and others responsible for
their outcomes, you automatically bring more balance into
your daily life.

You're living life on your own terms. By doing so, you're
serving your needs and requirements first so that you can
actually be in a better position to help others.
Unbelievable as this may seem, it's actually a win-win
situation for everyone when you start to learn how to be
more selfish.

Think about what it would mean to you and your life
happiness if you learned the art of selfishness. How will
your attitude change once you learn to honor your
commitments to yourself? How will you feel once you start
to communicate in ways that are loving and caring towards
yourself, and which empower others to take responsibility
for their own needs? Make a commitment to try some of these
suggestions. I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.

**************************************************

Krissy Jackson is the founder of Laughing Kiwi Enterprises. She
is a professional Personal and small business coach, speaker,
and author. Her work with an international base of clientele
is concentrated around the areas of personal and small business
development.

Learn more about krissy and her work at
http://www.laughingkiwi.com


Related Tags: communicating, selfish, thomas leonard, self-ish, harry browne, communicating with others

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