(used with a pl. verb) The forces and motions that characterize a system:

(used with a pl. verb) The social, intellectual, or moral forces that produce activity and change in a given sphere:

(used with a pl. verb) Variation in force or intensity, especially in musical sound.

re•al•ize

To comprehend completely or correctly.

To bring into reality; make real: To make realistic:

To obtain or achieve, as gain or profit:

Recently I have found that my life has led me down a very interesting and unique path. I have attracted unusual circumstances, both positive and negative, my whole life. I will discuss with you my life and come to and the events which have occurred recently that have caused me to believe that what I experienced can be compared to nothing but sudden realization. An epiphany of sorts.

Up until 9 months ago, my life was following the steps of an ordinary human being. I was married with two children, a dog and cats living in a home. I, like most adult males, enjoyed my comforts of life and the things that my wife provided for me. I considered myself to be a good husband and a loving father. I often bragged about my family in my work setting and knew that my wife was the best. What I didn't see coming or understand was that I was not in the realization portion of my life. This would come later.

I spent the better part of nine years with my wife and kids. We had our normal ups and down like any other family and we would become entangled in the verbal battles that plague a large portion of families to this day. We were young and learned from our mistakes, growing throughout the years and becoming better and worse at communication. I began a new job assignment which brought on a lot of stress and caused me to display myself in a less than favorable way towards my family. During this time, my wife lost her best friend (her ) to brain cancer. She also underwent a voluntary surgery to improve her self esteem. She was also turning Thirty and had never lived on her own. While all of this was going on, I failed to recognize the signs that were being displayed and failed to see that all the negative things from the past had fallen full force on my wife's shoulders. In a nut shell, my wife and I fought verbally. We would often call each other names and hit below the belt during arguments. This changed for the most part as the years went by. It remained only occasionally, but I still realized that the choice of words I used hurt my wife deeply. My dilemma is that I have dealt with anger issues from early child hood that carried on through my adult years. My wife retained an element from her childhood that did not let her let go of things said. Our marriage for most of the nine years was good. We argued or fought verbally maybe four or five times a year. But I still managed to cause what happened nine months ago.

In June of 2006, I received a phone call from my wife and she explained that she was not happy and wanted a divorce. I almost fell out of my chair. I immediately wrote down all the things in the marriage that I knew I was doing wrong and I went to her. She agreed to do counseling, but we were not impressed. I was devastated and so were the children. I have always been the type to fix problems and to solve issues with myself almost immediately so that's what I did. I made instant changes and my wife said it was good for the children but not for her. I tried everything. I read everything I could find. I thought she was having a nervous breakdown.

This went on for 3 months before she moved out of the house and in with her family. I almost immediately felt the embarrassment among everyone that knew. I was shunned by her family and instantly became an outsider. I have no family where we live and I did not associate much with friends outside of work. I began to wonder if there was someone else involved and what this was going to do to our children. I questioned everything in our lives and began to catch her in little lies. I then began to question her about everything. I thought if she would just listen to me then we would fix everything. She withdrew from me and continued to make friends outside of our circle. She attempted communication but continued to withdraw. I put up a front and followed the advice of friends. I pretended to be over her and that I wanted the divorce too. I became more and more depressed and withdrawn into myself. I paced the floor constantly, lost sleep and began to think I was worth nothing. I felt like my world was ending, and how could this person that I loved treat me the way that they did.

I know that I have touched on everything briefly and that a lot of detail has been left out. I do this on purpose because the essential part of this article is still to come.

I hit my low point and crumbled to her once again letting her know what she meant to me and that I loved her. This made very little impact on her. I didn't understand how we could have a generally happy marriage with little to no major issues end up like this. I was a faithful husband and devoted to her full heartedly. I took battles from her and praised her to our children. I gave her space when she needed it and did not control or govern her in any way. I wanted her to not feel trapped, ever, in the marriage. I began to surround myself with friends and I often found myself blaming her for the things going on in the relationship. I got to point where I was dragging through each day hoping for sleep so that I did not have to feel the pain, anger, betrayal, embarrassment and the depression.

I believe we live among signs. If we look for them they will tell or lead us down the path that we need to go.

I went to bed on a Tuesday and woke up wanting my life to stop the clutter in my head. I begged God for an answer to why this was going on and to stop it all. I went through my normal work day and on the way home, a friend that I was a mere acquaintance with that I had recently run into, said he had no opinion of what was going on but that he had a book for me to read. This friend delivered the book to me and said "don't open it until you get home". Of course I couldn't wait so I opened it and began to read.

I don't read very often and I have never picked something up that I could not set down. I COULD NOT SET THIS BOOK DOWN. I read the book from cover to cover. This book explained things in such a way that I felt my brain working overtime. I went to the book store to buy a book for my son and felt myself thinking deeply about the book that I had just read. I looked down at a table and one book stood out to me. I bought this book and took it home. I read this book about half way through before going to bed. I went to bed and on Thursday morning, got up and took a shower. While in the shower I was standing there when all of a sudden it felt like someone had hit me in the forehead with a sledgehammer.

IN AN INSTANT. I felt like my reality of everything that I believed in and how I looked at the world had flipped upside down. Like I had lived my life inside of a glass of water, and someone just turned it upside down pouring the water out and setting the glass back down. Everything became clear to me. I could see things that I had not seen before. I had an understanding that I have never had before. I had complete and utter realization of myself and my world. In an instant I had realized that I had no more anger, no more jealousy, no more frustration, no more embarrassment. I was truly happy. I couldn't even cry. Nothing mattered and everything mattered at the same time. I felt like I was not fighting against anything in myself and that it had taken root inside of me and it was starting to grow outward. I felt great, and I felt for the first time in my life that I didn't need to share this with anyone. I also felt that I needed to share this with my wife. But not yet.

I wanted to bask in this realization and that is what I did. I began to giggle to myself, because I could feel through my entire body, what was going on as well as what was to come. I spent the better part of the next two days thinking deeply about me, not my wife or anything else. I began to understand that I was wrong in a lot of situations that I did not previously think I was wrong in. I began to see where my life had started to shelter me from my discrepancies. This had a two fold effect. I was upset to see these things through self realization, but it was liberating at the same time. It suddenly occurred to me that I was seeing everything much clearer now and that I needed to evaluate my life from the inside of me.

I have always been the type to face my fears, but this was by far the most challenging of those fears. I did not like everything that I saw, but I did not regret it either, because my life brought me to this moment. I felt energized and charged, like I was 20 years old again. How do I explain this to people without them thinking I am nuts? What if this can help others?

In those two days I realized that my wife was a good person and did in fact deserve happiness, weather I am with her or not. I began to call all the people I had talked to in reference to her and I told them to disregard the negative annotations that I had portrayed about her. I told them that I realized that I was wrong and I explained to them why. I finally picked up the phone and called my wife. At this time she has had little contact with me and has lived outside of the house for about six months. I gave her a little bit of what was going on with me and the realizations in what my life's actions were. I hung up and within a day, noticed a significant improvement in the communication between us.

Our conversations that were lasting only 10 minutes, were now lasting close to an hour. I could feel the spark of us connecting on a spiritual level once again. I could also see through lines very easily and I was well aware of her emotions and tone in which she spoke to me. I realized that I was not listening to her for quite some time. I felt like I was truly listening to her at this point. I did not even need to ask her if she was enjoying the sudden differences, because I could feel it through my body. I originally made changes when my wife said she wanted a divorce. But I fought against myself making the much needed changes. My wife could feel that and that is why it was good for the children and not for her.

NOW, I was not fighting against myself, it was coming from the inside, growing through me like a root. It was authentic. That is why she indicated to me that it was good for her. This was the man that she was looking for in the marriage. But it did not cause her to sway from the direction in which she was going. She was still skeptical with the changes, although she really liked them. What if this is just a phase? What if what I didn't like returned?

I handle situations much differently now and I find that the anger inside of me and the emotions I had have simply washed down the drain on that morning. I can not explain it so that everyone will understand; rather I would like to share with everyone the reasons for the transformation, in which I think everyone is capable of doing if they truly believe they can.

I see now that my wife is at a point that she is being led by doubt down the path she is on. There are outside circumstances that I believe play a small role, but that I know my wife is strong enough to set aside. I perceive her to take advice from friends that know her now, but not on the level in which other friends do. She has expressed interest in one of these friends and has been honest with me in regards to it. We do still maintain an amicable relationship with each other. I have asked her to trust in the changes with me and to replace the doubt with faith.

So many things in our lives are categorized and we feel a need to follow these categories'. An example of this is love and friendship. We tend to separate them into different categories when in fact they need each other to exist. We love our friends and we are friends with our lovers. We are put into relationships with pre-conceived notions of what the dynamics should be. When we look at it in simple terms, if the dynamics are understood, there is no reason why a relationship should not succeed.

In the realization process it led me to other things associated with just me and my self reflection. I realized that I was not listening to my wife. She would tell me things and I would only hear the surface level of what she was saying and not listening to the message that she was sending. I began to listen to her and hear the hurt that I did not hear before.

I was realizing things all the way back to childhood. As a child I knew that I had a degree of control over my life and that I could control certain things that were not tangible or visible. The problem was that I did not understand it and I had too much other junk in my head. My focus was not strong. That was the problem. Its like having a giant puzzle with extra pieces that don't belong. These extra pieces have caused me to not be able to put the puzzle together. These pieces also cause me to retain and produce anger, jealousy, embarrassment, ect. ect..

On that morning in the shower, I threw those pieces away and my focus became very strong, and I lost sight of the anger, embarrassment, and jealousy. I instantly realized that It did not matter if my wife stayed with me or not. I had no ill will for her or anyone for that matter. I suddenly realized I took too much personally. The courses of events that unfolded for me after this were remarkable. I was led from one situation of greatness to another. I felt good. I went to bed happy and woke up happy. I started to feel attractive to the world again. People started to draw to me. Opportunities started to present themselves to me. People were seeking me out for help, and it was working. I was starting to see the picture in the puzzle. I was focused on what people were saying, listening to them instead of hearing them. I was listening with both my eyes wide open.

I continue along the same lines and opportunities keep presenting themselves to me. I still feel great and I still feel like anything can happen in regards to my life. I feel grateful and fortunate for what has happened. I would like to share with you some other things that were of significant value to me. In my life, I have always had strange and weird dreams. I never gave them much thought. I have had maybe four or five dreams in my life that when I woke up, I believed them to be true or struggled to realize if they in fact had occurred. I had four of these dreams in the two weeks following the instant realization.

I will spare you the detail of these dreams and give you the condensed version. One dream is of me and my wife living in a new house and cooking dinner for our children. We talk and there is a heavy connection between us. The second dream is the same but my wife is not there. The third dream is in a new house and it is with someone else. I am not sure of these dreams and / or what purpose they hold, but I can say that they felt real to me for a long time.

The fourth and most significant dream to me was a dream where my wife's father came to me and we sat across from each other and held a conversation. He revealed to me things that my wife used to do that I was not aware of. I later confirmed with my wife that what he said was in fact true. This impacted me hard. There was a lot more in the conversation that I did not fill my wife in on because of relevance at that time.

I would like to share a very personal letter that I wrote to my wife for our anniversary. I sat down and cleared my thoughts and thought only of her and allowed my hands to type. This letter came from the seed that was growing inside of me and was authentic.

(the letter is too long, please go to my second article to view it.)

I wish I could give answers to people that were much clearer, but I cannot. I can give advice to help if situations are bad or if you are suffering.
 Anything can happen
 Faith in YOUR beliefs is essential
 Self reflection can open doors, but you must sit down with every intention on truly looking inward.
 We choose everything
 We are responsible for all of our choices
 Do not limit yourself to classifications
 Listen don't hear
 Take absolutely nothing personally

I would like to share with you the books that fell into my possession that when read in the order in which I read them, I believe, caused the liberating realization that I experienced. Click on the link to find out if it can work for you.