A Shortage Of Growhups
- Date: 2007-05-12 - Word Count: 654
Share This!
Babies show the world what selfish looks like. On a whim, they set up a wail loud enough to wake the dead-or at least it sounds that way at 2:00 a.m. No matter that others may be tired or sick or have to go to work. Babies want what they want when they want it. So stop sniveling.
Some people grow large--even wrinkled--without ever leaving the "me first, me last, me always" stage. How do they get old without figuring out that selfishness is self-defeating? Selfishness destroys relationships. It makes trust impossible. It loses opportunities. And on. And on. And on. One bad thing after another.
Infants believe bad stuff is just the way life goes. With noses fully engaged in their navels, they miss the wider landscape of a better life-that of a grownup.
Growing up overcomes the bad stuff inherent in perpetual infancy. It's a very good thing to do.
Given the worldwide shortage of grownups, though, it doesn't seem a popular thing to do.
What is it that grownups do that so lacks appeal to the infant mind? I'm so glad you asked.
• Grownups take responsibility for their actions. They don't blame others. What's that about, asks the infant? Well, it's about being a stand-up person that others can respect and rely on. But we have to experience it to know how fabulous that feels, so infants never figure it out.
• Grownups deal with the consequences of their actions. You mean like say, "I'm sorry?"
In fact, yes. Not to mention making amends. Then people trust you, and life improves.
• Grownups keep their eye on long-term goals, bypassing short-term pleasures to reach the big prize. They don't, for example, spend money they can't afford to pay for things they don't need just because they're in a funk. They don't hide things from people they're supposed to love. It's about being dependable. Dependability bores infants, but it sure makes for a successful grownup life.
• Grownups care about others as well as themselves. They are considerate and thoughtful, but it's not about being a patsy. Grownups expect others to be considerate and thoughtful also. This expectation keeps them from enabling bad behavior because enabling is infant behavior for the coddling of other infants.
• Grownups don't waste time checking that everything's `fair.' Excepting illegalities, they don't worry that somebody, somewhere might have something they don't. They do what's right, working openly and optimistically toward their own goals for their own rewards.
This "fair" business is big, though. To cite one huge example, take politics. Rather than focus on positive ideas for the future, too many political campaigns consist of whining about supposed unfairness. Worse yet, all this whining garners lots of votes from infants in a stew that somebody may be getting something they're not. They don't stop to consider it might be about hard work, taking considered risks and vision. Or, on the other side of the coin, that their own poor decision-making may be what's hindering their progress. But no matter. They vote for nobody to have anything they don't have. Period. Which leads us to the last point:
• Grownups expect to earn what they get. If a gift flies in the door, they're happy to accept it, but they don't expect it. And certainly don't demand it.
Infants laugh at this list, believing their selfish ways are better. Well, the infantile way may appear easier, but only to those who don't consider consequences. The grownup way brings freedom, confidence and self-acceptance. It's a very good place to be.
Fortunately, change, if one can disengage nose from navel, is possible. And this article can start the infant on the road to real living.
Most infants won't sign up for the trip, though. Why, they ask, work so hard to get to the boring place of accepting responsibility when, after all, it's everybody else that's out of step?
Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be infants.
© Copyright 2007 by Bette Dowdell. All rights reserved.
Some people grow large--even wrinkled--without ever leaving the "me first, me last, me always" stage. How do they get old without figuring out that selfishness is self-defeating? Selfishness destroys relationships. It makes trust impossible. It loses opportunities. And on. And on. And on. One bad thing after another.
Infants believe bad stuff is just the way life goes. With noses fully engaged in their navels, they miss the wider landscape of a better life-that of a grownup.
Growing up overcomes the bad stuff inherent in perpetual infancy. It's a very good thing to do.
Given the worldwide shortage of grownups, though, it doesn't seem a popular thing to do.
What is it that grownups do that so lacks appeal to the infant mind? I'm so glad you asked.
• Grownups take responsibility for their actions. They don't blame others. What's that about, asks the infant? Well, it's about being a stand-up person that others can respect and rely on. But we have to experience it to know how fabulous that feels, so infants never figure it out.
• Grownups deal with the consequences of their actions. You mean like say, "I'm sorry?"
In fact, yes. Not to mention making amends. Then people trust you, and life improves.
• Grownups keep their eye on long-term goals, bypassing short-term pleasures to reach the big prize. They don't, for example, spend money they can't afford to pay for things they don't need just because they're in a funk. They don't hide things from people they're supposed to love. It's about being dependable. Dependability bores infants, but it sure makes for a successful grownup life.
• Grownups care about others as well as themselves. They are considerate and thoughtful, but it's not about being a patsy. Grownups expect others to be considerate and thoughtful also. This expectation keeps them from enabling bad behavior because enabling is infant behavior for the coddling of other infants.
• Grownups don't waste time checking that everything's `fair.' Excepting illegalities, they don't worry that somebody, somewhere might have something they don't. They do what's right, working openly and optimistically toward their own goals for their own rewards.
This "fair" business is big, though. To cite one huge example, take politics. Rather than focus on positive ideas for the future, too many political campaigns consist of whining about supposed unfairness. Worse yet, all this whining garners lots of votes from infants in a stew that somebody may be getting something they're not. They don't stop to consider it might be about hard work, taking considered risks and vision. Or, on the other side of the coin, that their own poor decision-making may be what's hindering their progress. But no matter. They vote for nobody to have anything they don't have. Period. Which leads us to the last point:
• Grownups expect to earn what they get. If a gift flies in the door, they're happy to accept it, but they don't expect it. And certainly don't demand it.
Infants laugh at this list, believing their selfish ways are better. Well, the infantile way may appear easier, but only to those who don't consider consequences. The grownup way brings freedom, confidence and self-acceptance. It's a very good place to be.
Fortunately, change, if one can disengage nose from navel, is possible. And this article can start the infant on the road to real living.
Most infants won't sign up for the trip, though. Why, they ask, work so hard to get to the boring place of accepting responsibility when, after all, it's everybody else that's out of step?
Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be infants.
© Copyright 2007 by Bette Dowdell. All rights reserved.
Related Tags: self-confidence, self-acceptance, infant, consequences, accept responsibility, long-term goals, worried about unfair, earn what we get
About the author: Bette Dowdell is a former IBM Systems Engineer, a small business consultant and software company owner. She authored How to be a Christian Without Being Annoying, a book about how the Bible describes Christianity. You can read about the book and contact Bette at www.ConfidentFaith.com. She also creates Quick Takes on Life, a no-cost, weekly e-mail subscription of original, motivational quotes. Watch a flash movie of the Quick Takes at takeabreakmovie.com Your Article Search Directory : Find in Articles
Recent articles in this category:
- The Control Of Your Emotions: Kill Stubborn Weeds While Leaving The Carrots Intact!
It is clear that no one wants to control their emotions in such a way that it would make them all di - Negative Self Talk Has Negative Power Over You
Negative self talk is destructive of our self-esteem, happiness, and potentially harmful to your hea - Get Your Ex Boyfriend Or Girlfriend Back Today
Break-ups are extremely difficult and you will have to go through all of the different emotions in o - You Can Think And Grow Rich
Or; How To Win The LotteryFirst let us get something cleared up, the universe is the provider of all - Replenish Your Soul: Are You Too Good For Your Own Good?
Do you ever feel bogged down by being too good? It happens all the time and it's dangerous! Being to - Three Reasons Why Life Quotes Are So Enlightening
Life quotes are truly enlightening. I read them several times a day. There is something magical abou - 3 Ways To Beat Shyness And Improve Your Life
Shyness can have a huge impact on your life. It can stop you socialising, getting on at work and gen - The Secret Of Cultivating Independent Happiness
Happiness is defined in many ways and it's different in every person. Many people chase it, trying t - Why Are There So Many Unhappy People?
Many people are unhappy and discontent with their life because they are either poor, physically impa - Is There A Key To Instant Happiness?
The key to instant happiness is the detachment we feel about a person, a situation, or a thing to ma
Most viewed articles in this category:
- Cymbalta for Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia is a general chronic condition. There is extensive musculoskeletal a - Where is the REAL World
How often have you heard the statement, "Welcome to the real world", especially from someone trying - Secret to happiness
Is there a secret to happiness? You probably are expecting me to say "NO, there is no sec - View from Another Planet: Learning to Talk to Our Children
Our goal in conscious communication is not to change the other person . . . Our goal is to establish - The Story of a Smile
I was walking along the London underground in a hurry, late one night, and a busker was playing his - Finding the Real You
Where do you begin the search? It almost seems like a joke. To many, it is the real meaning of life. - Instant Drug Testing Methods and Procedures
Drug testing involves many different methods and devices that detect whether or not a person has bee - Be Happy: If Happiness is the Goal, How Do I Get There?
"The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passi - Important Things to Know about Alcohol Abuse and Alcohol Testing
While alcohol consumption is considered to be a recreational activity for adults, it can carry - New Beginnings: The Gift of Starting Over
I recently had the pleasure of seeing the movie, "50 First Dates" starring Adam Sandler and Drew Bar