The Reality of the Bully
Recently, in a golf tournament, I was paired with three other people including one fellow who was extremely unkind, unsporting, and ungentlemanly. He was obvious in his gamesmanship, rude in his etiquette, and wanting in his sportsmanship. He brought to mind the realty of the bully.
My grammar school had a bully, didn't yours? The kid who pushed everyone else around. He or she, mine was a he named Billy. He had a few kids who followed him around. The rest of us stayed as far away as we could. I remember the day I was his target. It wasn't pleasant. I was unaware that one of his hangers-on had knelt behind me. Billy didn't have to push hard. I fell backwards, stumbling over that kneeling kid, landing flat on my back. I wasn't hurt physically, but the chorus of laughter throbbed throughout my third grade body for days.
From time to time we hear about bullies. There are laws being passed in some states to provide legal recourse for the victims of bullies. School districts are beefing up their policies to provide additional discipline. I don't know if that is good or bad, but I do know that it doesn't address the issue of what happens to school yard bullies when they grow up. I wonder what happened to that kid who pushed me. My guess is that he is still a bully playing in an adult sandbox.
Adult bullies can be physically abusive, but most of the time they are emotionally abusive. They choose to pick on other people through gossip, withholding information, back stabbing, shunning, or just plan mean behavior. Like the guy in my foursome, they usually, know exactly what they are doing and seek ways to justify their actions.
At work the bully usually is not the best worker and knows it. They tend to pick on the best workers, because it eases their insecurity. When they can, bullies surround themselves with people they see as weaker or inferior to themselves. In this way, they can control through fear those around them. It is sad to watch.
Dealing with bullies is a challenge for all ages. Acknowledging their behavior and the annoyance it creates is fuel to the sick fire that rages within them. It takes a certain amount of strength to ignore their approaches, but ignoring is usually the best tactic. Ignoring is made easier by recognizing that the problem is completely the bully's. When ignoring isn't possible, standing up to a bully with a direct and calm statement about their inappropriate behavior can be effective. State your case and then walk away.
Good advice for every sandbox.
Related Tags: bully, conflict, victimization
Jim Gustafson is author of Take Fun Seriously -- Little Thoughts and Big Ideas for Living Laughing and Loving. He was ordained in the United Methodist Church and has served as a local church pastor, pastoral counselor and consultant. He has more than 25 years in sales and marketing management. http://www.jimgustafson.com
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