The Secret to Dealing with People

by Patric Kavetoa - Date: 2007-01-19 - Word Count: 598 Share This!

There is only one way under heaven to get anybody to do anything. Have you ever thought about that? It is by making the other person, want, to do what you want them to do.

Of course, you can make anyone hand over their watch or wallet, by pointing a gun in their face, or an employer can force his employees to cooperate, by threatening to fire them. Even a child will do as he or she is told if they are threatened. But with these crude methods come undesirable repercussions.

Only by giving you what you want, will you do as I ask, Is that not True? The question is, What do you want? Sigmund Freud said that everything you or I do, springs from two motives. Sexual desire, and the desire to be great! Dr John Dewey another profound philosopher, phrased it in these words "The Deepest urge in human nature is the desire to be important", Yes, importance is something that man has always strived for. Here is a thought for you to ponder, What do you want?

I hesitate to say the majority of people would not want too many things, but the few things you do wish, you crave, is this not true with most of us. Think about it seriously.Some of these things could include:

Health and fitness,
Money and the things money Buys,
Life after Death,
Sexual Gratification,
The Well being of our children,
The feeling of importance.

Almost all of these wants are usually gratified except one. Its almost as deep as the desire for food or sleep "The Desire to be Important" Lincoln started a letter saying "Everybody likes a compliment!" William James said, "The Deepest Principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated", He did not speak, of the "wish" or the "desire" to be appreciated.

A great man once said "I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among people". The Greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best in a person, is by appreciation and encouragement. "There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms, from superiors. I try never to criticize anyone, rather I would prefer to teach someone in order to try to give that person the incentive to work.

Sometimes you will find readers saying they have heard it all before, or' You tried it all and it does not work, at lest, not for intelligent people, they flatter themselves. And you would be right, flattery seldom works, with discerning people. Flattery is usually shallow, insincere, and can show selfishness on their behalf.

The Difference between Appreciation and Flattery?

Easy! One is sincere, the other is insincere, one comes from the heart, the other from the head, if all we had to do was flatter, everyone would catch on, and we would all be experts in Human relations. Flattery is easy to hand out, it can puff up the receiver and the one handing it out as a compliment but appreciation on the other hand takes time. And does not come as easy as we would like.

In my experience appreciation comes with experience, and time, and usually comes when its too late. We may at times believe, in ourselves, that we appreciate certain things in life, but have a rude awakening when the thing, we loved or person, we loved is taken from us. Only when one has experienced, the school of hard knocks, can one truly understand the word Appreciate.

Principle #2
Always Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation

The next issue: "The Secret To Being A Good Listener When Dealing with People".

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Article written by Patric Kavetoa of Global Work at Home Online Business Solutions. Patric has helped thousands of people succeed online,with Free resources, articles and ebooks. A passionate author,he has written several articles,on improving one's life and business skills. You can visit Patric's site at: or contact him at:

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