Dating After 40: Suffering is Optional
It is easy to be a suffering single.
Within days of my ex leaving I talked to a dear, wise friend for solace. I was wailing and complaining about what a louse he was to treat me this way. I wanted retribution for the pain he'd caused me by his decision. I wanted him to suffer as much as I was.
My friend said, "I can understand you would want him to feel the same pain you do, but he doesn't and won't. And for you, remember suffering is optional."
"How can suffering be optional?" I wanted to scream. "I can't control this feeling of a knife thrust into my gut."
No, I can't control that feeling. But I can control how I interpret situations. And whether I choose to wallow or for how long.
I remember I told myself I was going to just feel the feeling, just be with it and not make it right or wrong. I was not going to try to change it unless I wanted to. I also gave myself to the end of the year to mourn the loss of my marriage, which would give me a full 7.5 months to suffer however I chose.
As the end of the year approached, I noticed my suffering was nearly gone. I was looking forward to the new year to move on. I wasn't subjugating the sadness - I allowed it to surface when it did. But I didn't feel I was suffering in the sorrow.
We all have dating setbacks. We can choose if we suffer through them or not. It's okay if you do, but be clear that it is your choice. Sadness can bring gifts of release and insight. Suffering is really unnecessary. But if you want to do it, go right ahead!
Related Tags: online dating, internet dating, dating after 40, middle-aged dating, dating after 50, senior dating
R.L. Morgan - The Dating Goddess - brings you her experience from the front line -- having dated 72 men in 2 years after her 20-year marriage broke up. Read her insights and lessons to help you date more effectively. She's a bestselling author, Oprah guest, and speaker. Read all of the Dating Goddess's wisdom at Adventures in Dating After 40, http://www.DatingGoddess.com .
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