10 Sex Drive Killers Article 2 of 2


by Jamie - Date: 2007-05-08 - Word Count: 1644 Share This!

4. Relationship Problems

Unresolved conflict or unexpressed anger can definitely put a damper on desire, as can negative feelings, secrets or emotional upset. As you carry around negative feelings about your partner, your level of attraction for that person can wane dramatically, sometimes never to return. Whether it be something simple, such as lack of appropriate hygiene, or something more complex, such as infidelity, you need to deal with it before you can feel sexual again with your partner.

As any therapist or self-help book will tell you, communication is the key to any relationship. If you don't talk through your problems with your partner, they'll grow and fester until they explode into real conflict. If talking to one another doesn't work, talk to a therapist: couples therapy is becoming more and more common. If that doesn't work, see a sex therapist -- the problem could have deeper roots than you're aware of. If you're still having problems, it might be time to say good-bye. It's sad, but you have to face reality: sex is an important part of your life and your relationship. It's essential that you enjoy it.

5. Body Issues

Everyone hates some aspect of his or her body: jiggly thighs, curved penis, small breasts, fat belly or hairy back. The reality, however, is that to have good feelings about sex, you have to have good feelings about your body. While no one is 100% satisfied with the way they look, many of us have learned to live with it. If you haven't, you might need to take some action.

Whenever you find yourself having a negative thought about your body, try to back it up with a positive thought about yourself. For example, if you're obsessing on your extra roll of belly fat, stop yourself and force yourself to admit that you have really great eyes or incredibly soft, sensuous skin. Once you begin to feel a little sexy -- no matter what you look like -- your sex drive will improve. However, if you're carrying an unhealthy amount of weight, try to develop and stick to a weight control program. Get some help if you need to: a fitness counselor, nutritionist or doctor can be a great source of support and inspiration. If you're dealing with another body issue, see a psychologist or family therapist. You need to overcome your body issues and learn to love yourself for who you are, warts and all. Only then will you be able to have a really satisfying sex life.

6. Baby Blues

There's no doubt that babies change a couple's sex life. You might feel self-conscious about your changing body. Your partner may feel uncomfortable making love while you're pregnant. Both of you might be afraid of hurting the baby. Fluctuating hormonal levels can also severely impact your libido. Or maybe you're just exhausted from all of those 3 a.m. feedings! There is no "normal" amount of sexual desire during pregnancy; expect both partner's levels of sexual desire to rise and fall during and after pregnancy, and not necessarily at the same time. Try to spend time together being intimate and don't focus on "sex" per se. Once you and your partner have become comfortable with your new body, there's a good chance sexual desire will return. If not, try to be understanding and patient. Or try swapping a back rub for some oral sex.

It's also very common for a woman to be uninterested in sex after giving birth. Her body has just been through a rigorous workout and she's focused on nurturing her new baby, not necessarily sharing sexual treats with her partner. It's important that you and your partner talk about what you're feeling and find an alternative that will work for both of you until your desire returns: cuddling, sensual massage, kissing, hand holding, oral sex. Be sure to express yourself completely ... and don't forget to let your partner know when your libido returns.

7. Aging

Age is responsible for many unwelcome changes in our bodies: loss of bone mass, susceptibility to illness, painful joints, gray hair, decreased appetite, incontinence, sleep disorder, wrinkles, sagging flesh ... and yes, decreased sexual desire. Menopause and decreased testosterone production are the main reasons for the decrease, but fear, anxiety and depression about aging can also affect your sex drive.

If you're female and going through menopause, it's important that you understand the changes taking place in your body. In some cases, seeing a doctor about medical treatment for the physical changes can help make sex more enjoyable. Estrogen, in a variety of forms, increases the flow of blood to the vagina and increases arousal, which may positively affect desire. Hormone therapy that includes low-dose androgens has been shown to be particularly effective at increasing low desire. Also, don't forget that something as simple as using extra lube can be remarkably effective if you're experiencing the common side-effect of vaginal dryness.

If you are male, decreased levels of testosterone may be affecting your level of sexual desire. Talk to a therapist or doctor about your alternatives. Your doctor may prescribe testosterone, but the dosage must be carefully monitored, as too much of the hormone can cause depression and other side effects. In addition, it is not clear how safe it is to take the hormone for a long period of time. Alternatively, there are pills that can be taken to make your penis hard these could be a good option. Regardless, you need to speak to your doctor first.

8. Sexual Abuse

Victims of sexual assault or abuse often have a difficult time experiencing physical intimacy. It's no wonder: we're encouraged to take time to let our bodies and minds heal, but little attention is paid to our sexuality. Don't despair -- many people have been able to have healthy sexual relationships even after a sexual assault; with counseling, time and patience, you can be one of them. Do take as much time as you need. Don't let anyone (including yourself) pressure you into becoming intimate again until you're ready.


9. Medication

A common side effect of birth control pills (specifically combined oral contraceptives) is diminished sexual desire: decreased androgen production or lowered testosterone levels can cause some women to experience a lowered sex drive and less vaginal lubrication. In addition, mood stabilizers, tranquilizers, high blood pressure pills and other medications have been shown to decrease levels of sexual desire and arousal. Even if you have a medical condition that is completely unrelated to your libido, your sex drive can still suffer: many common medications adversely affect your level of sexual desire or arousal. Talk to your doctor when taking any new medication. If your doctor thinks it may affect your sex life, he or she might be able to suggest an alternative.

Depression has become a frighteningly common diagnosis over the last few decades. If you're feeling down and can't seem to shake it, you may have depression. While there are many wonderful resources for people with depression, the best thing to do is see a doctor as soon as possible. In addition to making you listless, drowsy, sad, angry, upset and emotional, depression can have a profound effect on your sex life - as many as 75% of people with depression report a loss of sex drive. Ironically, the very drugs used to treat depression (MAOIs, SSRIs and Tricyclics among others), can also cause sexual dysfunction, such as delay in orgasm, inability to orgasm, or ejaculation and erection impairment. Any of these conditions can have an adverse affect on your level of desire. Until recently, the only remedies were to reduce your dosage, change your medication, take a holiday from your antidepressants or take a medical antidote, which can cause further difficulties. However, some doctors think that taking Viagra Â(r) may help people using antidepressants. Or you might try ginkgo biloba, which is thought to help with lack of desire related to taking Paxil and other antidepressants. Recent studies have shown the antidepressant Wellbutrin to be effective in combating reduced sexual desire, so you might consider switching antidepressants if your doctor says it's okay. If you notice a drop in your sexual desire around the time you start a new medication, talk to your doctor to see if there is a connection. Just remember: do not stop taking any medication without talking to your doctor first.

10. Medical Dysfunction

Most people are familiar with erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and female sexual desire disorder, but did you know that loss of libido can be related to a thyroid condition? Hormone deficiency can also be the culprit, especially in older people. A metabolic disorder -- anything that adversely affects your metabolism (including an eating disorder, accident, trauma or illness) will almost undoubtedly cause some lack of sexual desire. And, did you know that one in five American women have hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), more commonly referred to as low sex drive? The point is, if you've ruled out all other possibilities for your decreased libido, see a doctor. You could very well have an easily remedied medical condition.

What is normal?

If you're frustrated about your lack of sexual appetite, try to go easy on yourself. Everyone's body is different. There is no "normal" level of sex drive. Your personal sense of normality is defined by how you feel about your sexuality and whether or not you're happy with how you are expressing it. If you're one of the lucky people who is perfectly comfortable with his or her sexuality, congratulate yourself. If you're like the millions of others who feels they could use a little boost, explore the remedies we've suggested. But don't hold out for a miracle ... while some of these recommendations have worked for many people, there's no guarantee they will work for you. Be patient. For a temporary solution, go solo with sex toys or two, and eat a piece of chocolate. Haven't you heard? It's an aphrodisiac.

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