How your body speaks louder than your words

It's January of 1998 and President Bill Clinton is saying, "I did not....".

In Minneapolis the phone is ringing every five minutes.

"Have you got it figured out yet? Is he lying? We know he is lying, but we need some type of proof!"

"Yes, I know he is lying, I just am not putting my finger on it yet!"

"Dr. Hogan, we have to go to press on this, can you verify it?"

Thus the conversation went that day until Dr. Hogan, body language expert, said "AH, HA, I have it!"

Major news media had asked Dr. Hogan to examine the report and indicate by body language that President Clinton was lying.

Have you ever had the sense that something just wasn't right, yet could not put your finger on what is telling you that?

Here are the answers Dr. Hogan discovered and some ideas that could help you....


You see, reading body language is a science all to itself. Our mind and body are so connected that it is impossible to hide or control all our emotional reactions.

Others pickup these clues subconsciously and react on a subconscious level.

Just the other day in a training session, I gave the example of two different women describing the perfect evening; one jetting to Paris, one at home by the fire. I have used this example many times with predictable answers. This time one female participant indicated the woman was "horney", (it is risky asking questions) and I reacted with an uncontrolled blush.

I realized my reaction yet could do nothing about it. My body language was being controlled by an emotional response!

It is this emotional response that all of us are susceptible to and are challenged to control.

It is this emotional response that tells us the true feeling or reaction of others. If we can learn to read this more effectively what could it tell us?

Back to President Clinton; after viewing the tape multiple times, Dr. Hogan was getting frustrated. He knew there was something different, but what?

Ah, Ha, Clinton was using his right arm and hand to emphasize his point, he is left handed! He normally uses his left hand and arm!

BIG POINT! It is not so much the actual body language itself as the change in body language. If someone makes a significant change in their body or facial expression, it could be noting an emotional change!

When I demonstrate deep questioning methods with a training participant in our programs, the body change can be very dramatic as we get closer to their true feelings and views!

The challenge I note is how many people observing the demonstration miss this dramatic change that is happening right in front of them!

That is why the 4th and 5th questions from our article "Your Awareness Aptitude" are about body and facial language.

"What body Language was noted?"
"What facial expressions were displayed?"

In many communications programs the statement, "What you do speaks so loud I cannot hear what you say!" is present in some form or another.

Other research indicates that body and facial language may be up to 90% of what is communicated or read by the other person! That is consciously or unconsciously!

So much for great language and verbal skills!

If this is all so, then what can you and I do to read others better? Here are a few points to consider:

Always be observing others body posture and position.

Note any changes in their posture or position when a point is made or question is asked.

If the change is more open and friendly your probably in good shape.

If the change is more closed and withdrawn, consider changing your presentation, question or note your own body language

When noting a change in another, shift to clarifying if they understand the communication or have concerns.

If you note a closing type posture or negative change, re-engage the other person by asking open questions, get something into their hands, get them up and moving and check your own body language.

If you note a change in others, also note how you are reacting or feeling inside. We often times "mirror" others without realizing it.

If they project negative body language, we might also be "mirroring" that negative signal back to them!

Realize the difference in genders. One study showed that a woman listening to someone present an idea nods her head indicating she is listening, not necessary agreeing. The same presentation to a man who is nodding indicates his agreement! Is there a difference in outcome?

The area of "body language" is a huge study. The first step is to be aware and observe what others do and how they change under different circumstances.

So what are some ideas you can use to put yourself more in control of the body language you project?

There is a difference between a true smile and a contrived smile.

While in front of a mirror think of something that really makes you laugh or smile. Note how your smile looks and how it feels inside.

Now think of something neutral or negative and force yourself to smile. What is the difference? How does it feel inside? Now make sure you feel inside like the real smile and people will read the real smile!

When you note a change in someone else, note how you are feeling and what your body is doing. Might you want to change something?

Research shows that the majority of people feel more comfortable when you are on their right side and looking at their right eye with your right eye. We did several experiments ourselves and yes it does make a difference. Lefties, you run about 50/50 on this.

Always be aware of your posture and keep it as correct as possible.

Next time you see poor posture in someone else, be aware of your thoughts about them. Might others think the same of you?

Be very aware of eye contact. Look people in the eye and observe their eyes. They are the window to the soul! In western society about 80% eye contact is expected. In other cultures it might be slightly less.

Ok, we could keep going, there is plenty more on subtle body signals that tell us a great deal about others.

If you really want to see a master at reading subtle body signals, search Darren Brown, Persuasion Master from England (now has a show on PBS).Virtually everything he does is based on reading the other person.

Just think if you could master the art of reading others. What doors would it open? What opportunities could it create?

For more on body language or to set up a session for your group, check out our web site BusArcOnLine.com.

Till next week, keep observing!
Harlan Goerger
National Director of Training

© Harlan Goerger 8-2007