"Did I make it?" For youth, trying out for sports teams can bring joy or sadness. Around age 11, children can try out for select or elite sports teams. Soccer and basketball teams choose travel squads. Little League picks "all-star" teams to compete in tournaments. Even school sports teams require tryouts. What if your child doesn't make the team?

What Changed?

For elementary school students, gym classes and recreation leagues are set up by age and grade, not skill level. Some kids will have greater athletic skills than others, but all of the kids play together. During this time in their lives, children try many new activities. These activities might take place once or twice a week for an hour, giving kids a chance to try different things.

By middle school, children start to develop their talents and interests. Kids learn what they like and what they are good at, and youth who excel in sports now have a chance to play on school sports teams. Among the challenges for these young athletes is the number of competitors. Two or three elementary schools usually feed into one middle school, so there are more students trying out for sports. Your child may have been one of the best athletes in elementary school, but he is now competing with the best athletes from other schools for a place on the team.

Helping Your Child Cope

Not being chosen for a team can be hurtful for your child. She may begin to doubt her skills in sports and other activities. She may feel left out and worry that her friends who made the team will make new friends without her. What can you do to help your child if she doesn't make the team?

1. Explain that everyone has different talents. Your child might be great at something other than sports. Help him discover what he does well and find activities that he can excel in. Build on his strengths, no matter what they are in: art, computer technology, singing, chess, crafts, or other areas.

2. Before tryouts, find out what skills are needed to make the team. This also is the time to learn about expectations for attendance at practices and games, the equipment parents are expected to buy, required health exams and insurance, and other details. Knowing what is expected can help you determine if the team is a good match for your child's interests and skills.

3. Get your child ready for tryouts and also for the possibility that she might not make the team. Let your child know what might happen-and make sure she knows that you love her even if she is not picked.

4. If your child enjoys the sport, look for ways that he can still play it if he doesn't make the team. Some kids may feel discouraged and want to drop the sport, but there are other ways to participate. If, for example, your son does not make the school swim team, he can play in a recreation league or join a summer swim club. He may enjoy different water sports like water polo or basketball.

5. Give your child some space to deal with the hurt of not
making the team. Let your child know that you are there if she wants to talk or needs your support, but give her some time. She may not want to join a recreation league right away, but she may be open to it and other options later on.

6. When children do not make a team, they often feel that they let down their parents. This is the time to give your child an extra hug and let him know that he has not let you down. Talk about how you share his sadness but are proud of him for trying and doing his best. Tell him that you love him.

Keep It in Perspective

There are only a small number of students who get college athletic scholarships and even fewer who go on to play professional sports. There also are athletes who do not develop their skills until later in life. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team but went on to become one of the greatest players of all time!
Look for activities that your child excels in now and help her develop her unique talents. And remind her that, sports team or not, she is always a winner in your family.