Online Dating Advice: Bringing it to the Table
You read some online dating profiles and it's like the person you are trying to hook up with stepped out of a dream. Attractive, exciting, interesting, compatible and all that other good stuff. The initial online chatting tells you that you are onto something first-rate.
Each time you talk the both of you share a little bit more of yourselves. It seems like you two were meant to be together and now it becomes only a matter of time and logistics before that first face to face meeting.
At least that was the direction you were heading until your last online discussion. The other person casually mentioned some of their likes and dislikes about being in a relationship; nothing extreme really. When the conversation turned your way, you started with the laundry list. You gave chapter, verse and painfully excruciating detail about what you wanted in a relationship. This would not have been so bad if you had included some of things you bring to the table.
It wasn't. Your list put the lion's share of responsibly on the other person. You are looking for a partner that does this, says that, gives you this, accepts certain things in a certain way and a whole host of other items. After this chat, the would-be suitor decides there is no way they can live up to all that and decides to move along to greener and less demanding pastures.
It is common in online dating just like the offline world to reach the conclusion that after a few chats, it's just not going to work but coming to the table with a "to do" list is a surefire recipe for ending any potential romance.
Growing a relationship is about give and take. It's also accepting the fact that no one person can satisfy the other every minute of the day. Human beings are flawed so if you want to be with someone, you have to take the bitter with the sweet. It's not that you are lowering your standards it's more about facing up to reality.
When you start laying it out to someone concerning what you are looking for in a potential partner in very demanding terms, then they may feel that's a mountain not worth climbing. Even if they decide to give it a go, how can they be sure you won't be there to grade them every step of the way?
Instead do that person and yourself a favor by mentioning what you bring to the relationship. Yes tell them your likes and dislikes but let the other person know that both of you are sharing the responsibility of making this relationship work. There's something about being on the same level that makes both parties comfortable.
And yes you are going to have to bite your tongue a time or two. There is no such thing as perfect compatibility so when their tastes go in another direction you are going to have to decide what's more important: letting them be who they are or does it adhere to your list. It's a tough call but unless it is something extreme that you know there is no way on earth you could live with, then give them the benefit of the doubt.
Remember you are not lowering your standards to the point it makes the other person happy and you miserable. That's not going to work. It's is about recognizing that few if anyone can live up to a list of ideals.
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Article written by Daryl Campbell - The Relationship Tip - While some people may ask too much of their online dating companion, there are others who do not ask nearly enough. The rush of romance or just not being confident enough to ask the hard questions stops them from exploring further. Until its too late
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