The wife asked the caretaker of Land's End to send a catalog that provided a visual depiction of its wares thus making it easy to select garments without having to travel to department stores whose workers were feared throughout the Kingdom for their surly attitudes and unnatural ability to vanish into thin air at checkout time.

As was the custom between the man and wife, each night before they went to sleep they conversed, often laughing long into the night by carefully steering clear of subjects pertaining to financial matters, neglected tasks or the raising of their children. They were very happy.

Lo and behold the catalog arrived in the wife's mailbox. She became smitten the instant she saw the model on the cover dressed in a Georgette Flare Skirt, made from "an exceptionally lovely fabric" coveted far and wide for its ability to "waft on the slightest breeze". The wife was pleased to see that the woman was about her size, very pretty and yet not threatening.

That night when the husband entered the bedroom, he found his wife immersed in the new catalog. Settling into bed, he began a funny story about a man he saw at the train station that had accidentally closed a newspaper vending machine on his tie and unable to raise his head more than a couple of inches, politely asked passersbys to borrow the 75 cents necessary to free himself. Expecting a big laugh from his wife, the husband was somewhat disappointed when she didn't react at all but leaned over with the catalog and inquired, "Do you think I could pull off this three quarter sleeve Coral Reef stretch shirt?" He fell asleep that night to the sound of flipping pages.

The next day the husband came home to find 175 catalogs stacked along the kitchen counter like the first row of a cinderblock foundation. All of them were from Land's End. There was Land's End Kids, Land's End Men, Land's End Home, Land's End School, Land's End Women, Land's End Women Plus Size, Land's End Women for Women Who Like to Dress Like Diane Keaton, and dozens more.

The husband confronted his wife and asked her why she would order so many catalogs. The wife denied requesting additional catalogs and told her husband that she was just as shocked as he was about the unexpected arrival of unsolicited catalogs and could he please help her carry them to the bedroom.

That night there was little conversation at all. The husband drifted off again as his wife flipped through the dozens of catalogs that littered their bed, awaking with a jolt each time he heard the slap of another one hitting the floor.

The next morning, the husband rose before dawn and quietly gathered all the catalogs in the room. He tied them together with twine and hid them in the garage until the time came for them to be recycled. He hoped his wife would forget all about them. He prayed they wouldn't be recycled into new catalogs.

Three weeks passed and life had returned to normal. The husband and his wife resumed their pleasant bedtime conversations and laughter once again filled the room - except when one of the children would barge in without knocking.

On the evening of the next day the husband returned home and was shocked to find 687 catalogs stacked along the counter. None of them were from Land's End. "Pottery Barn. J. Peterman. Solutions," he muttered while working his way through the piles. "The Territory Ahead. Talbots. Travel Smith. Boston Proper. Victoria's Secret. Frontgate. LL Bean, Harry & David, Smith and Hawken, Lillian Vernon! I'd have to quit my job just to keep up with the recycling!" Suddenly enraged, he began to tear at the catalogs, flinging the mangled pages violently around the room.

His wife heard the commotion and rushed into the kitchen. Unable to calm her deranged husband, she called for her children and together they tied him up with some twine and placed him in the garage to cool off while they went out for a bite to eat.

While laying in the garage, the husband, now calm and subdued after his outburst, noticed a Land's End Men catalog he had forgotten to recycle. Out of boredom, he began flipping the pages with his feet until his wife came back and untied him.

That evening in bed, the wife leaned over to her husband and said, "While you went about it totally wrong, you were right about all those catalogs getting in the way of our marriage. I'll get rid of them first thing tomorrow."

The husband smiled. "Thank you. I knew you'd understand. Just don't toss this one yet," he said, reaching for a catalog on the nightstand, "I'm thinking about this Pale Jonquil Drifter Crew. Do you think it would make me look washed out?"

And the good people at Land's End lived happily ever after.