For most people, the new year is a perfect time for new beginnings-making resolutions to work out, eat right, make more money, take more risks, get rid of unhealthy friendships, date more people or tie the knot. It doesn't matter how experienced we are, how smart, or how nice we are-we all have an unwanted little friend named ego hanging around. It likes to get in the way of everything we do. Some of you may already be familiar with this notion, and have trained your egos well to sit in the corner and be quiet. But for the others, here's your chance to do the same. Whatever your resolution, understanding how your ego works can safe you a lot of time, energy and disappointment en route to achieving your goals.

Everyone has an ego-some of us are more aware of it than others. The difference with each of our egos depends on how often we allow it to take control in our lives. You see, the ego is not actually you. You may think it's you. But it's really an external garment, a curtain that hides your true self. Let's metaphorically describe your true self-your existence in its purest form-as a bright white light. Each time you allow ego to control your behavior in business, marriage, and your relations with other people, another curtain is suspended concealing your bright white light. Within this added darkness, your ego grows stronger, your true self (your white light) becomes more concealed, and life grows progressively darker. This is called Reactive Behavior-you react to the impulse of the ego. So remember, each time you behave with ego, you block out your white light just a little more.

Each time you resist your ego, instead of suspending a curtain, you tear down a curtain. This is called Proactive Behavior-you stop your reflexive egocentric impulses and unleash the proactive will of your true self. Life grows brighter.

Notice how when you experience pain, when you suffer or undergo grief and heartache, your ego is nowhere around? The hurting actually purges ego and self-interest from your nature. Your true self shines brighter in that moment. This is why you suddenly feel a sense of love and unity with others when planes crash into buildings. This is why you feel a shift in your priorities when rubble of human remains litters the landscape as a result of war, terror, or tragic accidents. Your ego diminishes from the emotional pain and your true self suddenly blossoms. This is why emergency medical teams, firefighters, police officers, and ordinary people suddenly risk their lives to save another human being. This is why we suddenly feel inspired to help others and better the world when we confront terror and tragedy. Our true, selfless, divine self shines through whenever our egos are battered and shaken to the core.

So why hasn't the pain you've experienced in your life left you full of endless joy-even when your ego had once been battered and shaken to the core? This is because the changes in the ego are only temporary. Why? Well, as the memory of your pain subsides, your ego again tempts you into reacting to its impulses. In turn, your new reactions resurrect the ego's power. Over time, your ego slowly but surely regains its strength and reclaims control. Your light's influence gradually begins to fade. Your new priorities, good mood, and caring feelings give way to impatience and bad mood. Priorities shift from helping others succeed to working only for self-gain. Once again, you're staring down people who accidentally bump into you, or you curse them under your breath. Daily life goes back to being one reaction after another. So what do you do? Should you always experience catastrophe just to "wake up" for a short while, only to find your ego lulling you back into a false sense of security? Of course not!

The most important step to silencing your ego is for you to be aware of its deceptive existence. Being aware makes all the difference in helping you become more conscious of the ego's lurking strategy. This way, you're also quick to detect your ego creeping around the corner to take control of your true self, and mislead you-as it always does. You'll know when your ego is trying to take over when you find yourself acting in ways that you won't appreciate, if the tables were turned. This is when you quickly visualize your ego's ugly curtain suspending to conceal your beautiful bright white light. But you're much more powerful than your ego, so just visualize your light tearing through the curtain, causing the curtain to vanish into thin air. Repeat this image in your mind, over and over, if necessary. Make full use of the power of your mind. Don't analyze this, just try it-you might be amazed at what could happen next!

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