One of the top factors that kills a woman's attraction for a man very quickly is him feeling like he is not enough. Being enough means that you don't need anything outside of yourself to make you happy or feel good about yourself-you derive your sense of self esteem from within.

When you feel like you aren't enough you search for things to compensate for your lack of feeling naturally attractive. You buy nice cars in order to get women. You workout and get into great shape JUST to get women. You buy drinks for women JUST to get them to talk to you. And you get into state JUST to get the girl to like you.

Getting into state is is a term used in the seduction community as a way to get into a positive, excited, party mode before you go out and meet women. This is typically done by listening to music that gets you energized and excited. It's similar to what athletes do before a game.

Getting into state JUST to get the girl will add to your feelings of not being enough and will create unhealthy beliefs about your ability to meet and attract women.

Take a guy who isn't normally that great with women. He decides one night that he will prepare himself before going out to a club or bar by getting into that state. He goes out and women respond to him a lot better that night than they normally would. He gets a rush and feels a little bit better about himself.

His goal is to become good with women so he repeats this process of getting into state before going out to clubs again and again. By repeating this process he is unconsciously training himself to believe that getting into state was the reason why he got the girl. The state, not himself, allowed him to get women attracted.

This unhealthy belief and behavior is ingrained in him through conditioning, similar to the way you train a dog. The way you train a dog is through reward/punishment. When the dog preforms wanted behaviors it receive a treat (reward) and when it preforms unwanted behavior it receive a smack on the nose (punishment). Over time the dog learns that if I do this behavior I will receive a reward and if I do that behavior I will receive punishment.

The same process happens when a guy goes into this state to get good with women. Through repetition he believes that if he does the behavior (getting into state) he will receive a reward (getting the girl). Alternatively, if he doesn't get into state he will receive no women (punishment).

What happens when he isn't in this state? He feels unattractive and couldn't possibly get the girl. This happens because he has trained himself to believe that the state is the reason why he got the girl.

This process of being conditioned to feel like he NEEDS to be in this state in order to get the girl adds to his feelings of not being enough. He feels like he needs to do something in order to get women to like him. It's the same line of thought a person has who feels like they NEED to buy women drinks or workout in order to get women attracted to them. They aren't enough alone so they need something extra to make up for their shortcomings.

The truth is you CAN get better results when you are in this fun, excited and party mood but you need to do it for the right reasons. There is nothing wrong with getting into this state just because you want to have a good time.

You make your situation worse if you get into this state just for the women. Drop trying to do things in order to get women to like you and work on getting to a point where you like you. When you finally feel like you are enough and actually love being who you are your neediness will drop and women will flock to you. At that point you wouldn't care if you had them or not because you are already enough and don't need anything to make you feel complete.

Cheers!

-Alex Strandberg