The Route To My Heaven
Vanessa's raven hair, green eyes, and beautiful, pert nose often still attracted men's glances, but her heart bore scars. She modeled a couple of times in Manhattan and even had one photo shoot at the advertising agency where she worked when she was nineteen, but now in her fifties, she accepted maturity gracefully.
When she was nineteen, so long ago, romance came into her life and swept her off her feet like a whirlwind. Vanessa and Troy had been so much in love that when he came home from temporary duty overseas, they vacationed at South Beach, Miami, Florida. This passionate interlude resulted in the birth of their beautiful daughter, Veronica.
Now she felt love's fire ignite within her anew but in a different way. She didn't understand how she could have fallen so deeply in love with someone she had only known through correspondence and through talking by phone only once.
"How are you, Babs?" Vanessa asked excitedly as she approached her friend in the restaurant later that day for a luncheon date.
"I'm fine, Vanessa. Fill me in on what's new."
"There are several things that have influenced me to continue to correspond by email with the new guy, Tom, she decidedly told her friend. We come from the same background, neighborhood location, religious upbringing, ethnicity, and we are both writers. Well, he is anyway. I'm just starting out.
Tom contacted me and said, 'I liked your online profile.'
I have heard this before, but I continued to communicate with him fairly regularly. One day, I mentioned that I was praying for him to do well on a test, and he responded as strongly to prayer as I do. He began to sign 'Love' at the end of all his correspondence.
There had only been one man whom I had loved for so many years that I doubted I could ever experience such passion again. That was Troy. I was always a practical, one-man woman. I feel like a free spirit once again, ready to enjoy life, since I began corresponding with Tom and gone back to school.
I was called 'Earth Mother,' when I was a teenager. I tended to want to help people and was often told that I should 'Let it all hang loose' by my friends because I was so serious.
Unfortunately, I was often taken for granted and my self-esteem became low. After many years the fire between Troy and I dissipated as he began to abuse me. He told me after twenty years, 'I could do anything to you, and no one would do anything about it.'
My father died of a heart attack when I was fifteen while trying to raise his family and especially protect me and my sister from the seedy side of life. My parents had a strong work ethic. I worked while married too. Father encouraged me to be successful in school. I stressed this to my two children.
You know, my mother did tell me I should see other guys when I became engaged to Troy. It's very hard, but I try to always remember what my parents told me to do especially now that they're deceased, and I'm on my own. I feel I am still alive today because of everything he taught me."
Babs is especially open-minded, and today she was listening to me intently. We often shared the conversation more, but this time she had given the floor to me.
"The final time I left Troy had been after he had attempted to control me because I filed for a divorce while I was depressed. Afterwards, he started to push me to be intimate with him, but I was too angry at him and the world for their prejudices. The time was over when the cooperation and reconciliations ended in terror. My life became like hell.
Troy had always told me, 'You're beautiful when you're angry.' There was always such fire between us in disagreements, but the passionate reconciling used to make it all worth it. The physical abuse returned and escalated, and it was time to leave because I had gotten so nervous I had even had a serious car accident. When I was bed-ridden, he continued to tell me that I should leave and go back to my mother in New York or he would abandon and everything would be turned off. We even had two children at the time.
My social worker told me to drive up the coast from Florida to New York, but after two attempts during which no one else was willing or capable of helping me drive up, I had to fly up with the agreement that the children would be put on a plane to fly up to visit regularly. It didn't work out that way though. Troy lied to me and fought me in court. When I contacted the military and lawyers in Florida, I couldn't afford the fees, and the military said they wouldn't help me.
I should have left Troy in the early years when he enlisted in the Air Force, and we traveled away from my home and job. We continued to move around the country, and life became very stressful for us. I always had to look for new jobs in each new place, and Troy complained that I didn't make enough money even thought I did everything for the children and most of the work in the household.
After I left this last time, he finally divorced me, and I got an annulment of the marriage. The divorce had been long drawn out, and he had used his strong connections to get enough money to rake my reputation and my sanity through the coals. He had turned out to be quite a conniver.
The time has come in my life to trust someone again and to overcome my fear. My daughter is very cautious of my dating again as is the rest of my family because Tom writes romantic stories, and in the past has written very sexually graphic ones. The story he said I inspired him to write is very beautiful. I think of him often because of this story about a woman he had seen once long ago in a window as he passed by I'll take the path slowly. My children are now grown, and I have even returned to school to study writing. I long to share art, music and literature with Tom. I guess I want passion in my life again too!
Tom has also begun to write to me that he would love to meet me and my family too. Ah, the blossoming of romantic love! I long for a second chance at life and love!
The route to Heaven is often unpredictable."
Related Tags: relationships, romance, friendship, trust, fears, lovers, diningoutwithfriends, abusers, healingabuse
Annetherese Cullen, a Senior published short story author and poet, is attending the City University of New York. Happily married with children and grandchildren. This story is dedicated to my husband, Timothy.
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