A common theme for battered mothers in divorce proceedings is that they begin thinking they are holding the winning hand when it comes to domestic violence and child custody. They typically are awarded temporary custody of their minor children and may even have protective orders in place.

Then, "out of the blue," the tide turns and their children are pulled right from under them-handed over to the custody of their father who is, more often than not, an abuser.

It's a devastating blow, like none other. Between the heart-wrenching pain and the primitive rage, little resources remain intact to make sense out of the unconscionable.

How Did This Happen?

The legal maneuver that yielded their unfortunate circumstance is also beyond comprehension. Frequently it involves a legal psychiatric ploy of establishing that the mother has a severe personality disorder.

But, even this is disturbing. A personality disorder, in and of itself, is not grounds to prohibit a parent free access to their minor children and vise-a-versa. So, one must go deeper to understand what exactly is in play here.

The abuser (most often a man in this particular situation) and his legal team have diligently worked to manipulate the psychiatric and psychological healthcare providers/evaluators into establishing false claims about the mother in order to jockey custody. And sadly, these claims are often untrue.

What NOT TO DO If This Is You

Now each situation is different, granted, but there are some common themes applicable to all people in this predicament.

1) You maybe angry, but don't stay angry.

2) You maybe sad, but don't lose yourself in your despair.

3) See the legal psychiatric ploy for what it is-a battering maneuver…a control ploy.

I liken it to a coyote howling or a dog barking in the night. While that loud obnoxious noise can keep you stirring, you know on a deeper level that this is just what these animals do.

Dogs bark and coyotes howl. And what we think, feel and do within the privacy of our own homes about that makes absolutely no difference. Dogs bark and coyotes howl.

And did you know that abusers use healthcare providers and police officers to establish false claims against domestic violence survivors. I hope you heard me, because this fact is as true as the one about dogs and coyotes.

What TO DO If This Is You

If you are the battered mother in this story, realize that your anger and sadness will not get your kids back into your arms, into your house or into your life. However, if you get smart and busy, instead of remaining angry and sad, you will increase your likelihood of turning the tide.

So how does one do that under the influence of a devastating crash? How do you take your hurricane Katrina and let it carve the path to your hope?

First and foremost, truly understand that batterers use the system to establish false claims about the victims they seek to control. And in this genuine understanding, you will see that all of this is NOT about you. Rather, it is merely what abusers do when given the opportunity and means to enlist the system in their campaign.

Now with this understanding, you can march onward and get smart and busy. First, you will want to learn everything you can about "legal psychiatric abuse" and crazy-making in divorce. Then, you will want to find a credible professional to help you campaign your plight toward realizing your truth for the safety of you and your children.