Is It OK to Have Sex for the Sake of REALLY Good Sex… With No Relationship Commitments?
Should I stay with him just for the sex? Or should I make him make a choice of getting no sex unless he's willing to make the relationship work between us? What should I do?
The Answer: Our answer to this question may seem controversial to some, but here goes...
What is a relationship?
A relationship can be defined as "a state of connectedness between people". Because of the fact that the two of you have a child together, you will always have a parental relationship and parental responsibilities. The choice that each of you have to make is what type of relationship you want in addition to being the parents of your daughter.
Here are just a few ideas:
An intimate relationship is a relationship with a great deal of physical and/or emotional intimacy - romantic or passionate love and attachment with or without sex.
A casual relationship (sometimes referred to as "friends with benefits") is the physical and emotional relationship between two unmarried people who have a sexual relationship or a near-sexual relationship without necessarily demanding or expecting a more formal relationship as a goal.
Friendship, is a relationship that results when two people have found a common ground and consists of mutual love, trust, respect, and unconditional acceptance of one another.
I recommend that the two of you have a heart to heart, open and honest discussion about what you both want and are willing to accept around your relationship as adults and your relationship as parents.
It is critical to check your ego at the door.
We have been known to use a code word or a physical object to use as a flag when someone's ego starts flaring up. Once that happens, any intelligent conversation is over. If someone's ego takes over the conversation (you'll know when this happens by tone and number of snipes the other person starts making), take a 15 minute break in separate rooms to allow yourselves to cool down. And then resume the conversation.
A brief discussion on jealousy.
Jealousy can be defined as "a boundary-setting custom developed for limiting sexual access to those relationships that a group defines as important." It's that feeling of fear, suspicion, or envy over something you perceive as your possession.
I'm going to get on my soap box for a moment here...
In modern society, many people mistake a romantic relationship, for a purchase contract. If we could simply understand that we do not and should not 'own' or try to control another person, there would be no jealously.
Jealousy is a very primitive emotion based entirely on fear and the desire to control other people and their actions - When in reality, the only real control that we have is over ourselves and our actions.
Jealousy and fear are engrained in our society and encouraged by governments and religions to exercise control over the population. That's why when you get married, you sign a "marriage contract", to take possession of your spouse... (I warned you this was going to be a little controversial.)
Here's an idea. Try replacing jealousy, control, and ownership with forgiveness, acceptance, and unconditional love in all of your relationships. You'll be much happier in all areas of your life once you let go of fear and wanting to control others. Really - give it a try...
Staying with him just for sex.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with having sex just for the sake of good sex! IF you're both emotionally mature enough to enjoy it without feeling guilty or trying to make the other person feel guilty.
Take a step back to understand the reasons that you want to have sex with each other. Are you trying to fill an emotional void? Trying to hold on to previous feeling about each other? Do you simply enjoy it? What are your personal reasons? Make sure they resonate true to you and actually bring you joy. Don't do it for the wrong reasons.
Making him choose between sex and relationship.
My advice on this one - Don't ever push a man, or anyone else, into a corner by forcing a decision like that, they'll run every time :-).
Instead, take some time to REALLY get to know each other on an honest and very deep level. This is that heart to heart discussion that I mentioned at the beginning.
If you can't be honest with each other, you lose from the beginning.
In summary...
Spend some time with yourself to understand what you really want out of the relationship. Talk to each other openly and honestly about what type of relationship your both want and will agree upon - and stick to it. Replace jealousy, control, and ownership with forgiveness, acceptance, and unconditional love.
Related Tags: relationship, relationship advice, sex, break up, date, love relationship. dating advice
Wait. Get more great articles like this one at http://www.AskDanAndJennifer.com. You'll get the answers to all of your most pressing questions about Dating, Relationships, Love, and Sex.
Subscribe to AskDanAndJennifer.com today! You'll get the latest dating, relationship, love, and sex content sent straight to your email inbox, including tons of free downloads like Michael Webb's eBook, "101 Romantic Ideas". Hurry, you don't want to miss out.
Copyright 2007, AskDanAndJennifer.com, "Dating, Relationships, Love, and Sex - Get Your Questions Answered!" - All rights reserved.
Your Article Search Directory : Find in ArticlesRecent articles in this category:
- Metal Detector Can Save Lives
Wars and unexpected accidents have been one of the many issues that have been unavoidable in the liv - Discover How Pool Float Toys Affect Your Summer Vacation
Hot. This is a perfect description what summer is. It is a feel-good time for families to enjoy a nu - Luxury Watch For Your Loved Ones and Yourself
Whether it's a birthday celebration, anniversary, Christmas or even just an ordinary day receiving g - Why Purchase Swiss Army Watches?
Wearing a wristwatch or having a pocket watch is a very important accessory of a person because it t - Personalized Groomsmen Gifts : Engraved Groomsmen Mugs
Giving something personalized for your groomsmen is a wonderful idea to let your friends feel that t - A Few Helpful Baby Shower Tips
Baby showers are wonderful occasions that usually create lasting memory for both expectant parents a - Discount Groomsmen Gifts That You Can Purchase Online
Weddings are special and memorable occasions that should be planned well, and one of the most vital - How to Wear a Knee Boot
A lot of women today are trying to integrate a knee boot into their fashion style because they are a - Wearing a Knee Boot
A knee boot is definitely something you should be investing on most especially during the cold seaso - Finding Cheap Skis
If you are a fan of various water sports, you are probably one of those people who have been in the
Most viewed articles in this category:
- Capitalism Under Attack: Petrodollars, Petroeuros and the Iranian Oil Bourse
"This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous [...]. Havi - One Percenters
Hells Angels Inc is the most successful enterprise of its kind in Canada.In 2000 they moved into Ont - Monogamy: Is She My One and Only?
Copyright © 2007 Susan Adams After decades of matchmaking experience, years of being active in - The Best Of Oprah's Favorite Things
Oprah's annual Favorite Things show has been causing a frenzy with fans for the past six years. But - Researching British Soldiers Who Served in the 1914-18 Great War
At In the footsteps BATTLEFIELD TOURS we occasionally receive enquiries about how to trace the recor - Reefer Madness Replaced by Hydro Hysteria
In the 20's there was Reefer Madness, now we have the 21st century version; Hydro Hysteria. Mari - How Can Society Stop Sexual Predators
Perhaps society holds the lowest regard of all for sex predators, those evil men who prey on that wh - Making Communication Work For Your Relationship
Brooke said to Gary, "In our entire relationship, I've gone above and beyond for you … for us. I co - How To Attract And Seduce Women Using The 'Unmask Method'
When it comes to meeting, attracting and seducing women, most guys don't know where to start. But th - How to Keep Your Man Feeling Lucky and Happy
Your Good Man hopes that you will remain the loving, beautiful, feminine, kind, sexy American Geisha