Current Affairs, President Bush Declares That Offshore Drilling Will Save The Polar Bears
"This way the um ah polar critters will be um able to ah find sank sank sanctuary on oil rigs instead um them thar pesky ice cubes. We further shall arrange for extensive oil slicks to provide the critters with waterproof coatings."
Fox news applauded the President's initiative as "a further heroic step in the President's mission to exterminate world democracy."
John McCain has proposed dropping David Letterman into the Arctic Ocean in order to cheer up the swimming polar bears with droll one-liners like "I learnt the breast stroke from Paris Hilton."
To further aid polar bear conservation, Sarah Palin has announced that she will no longer shoot them from airplanes. She will instead use helicopters which, in any case, are more maneuverable in the event of Vladimir Putin overflying Alaskan air space.
ExxonMobil has announced that all profits generated from these new Arctic Ocean oil rigs with be donated to its CEO's golden parachute fund.
Related Tags: polar bears, george w bush, sarah palin
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