Listening Skills - Just Because You Have Ears Doesn't Mean You Are Equipped To Listen
The reason this statement is so interesting is its unstated implication: that we as humans are capable of not listening, even when we are hearing. Growing up, you may have heard your mother or father say to you on occasion: "LISTEN TO ME!" If your typical response was anything like mine, it was: "I am listening!" Unfortunately, our parents were probably more correct in their assessment of the situation than we were. Although we thought we were listening, we were actually just hearing.
This is an interesting distinction, and one that bears vast consequences when it comes to interpersonal communication. So often, we as the receivers of communication are accused of not listening. Our response is almost always one of disagreement-we are listening.
Let's quickly consider a few thoughts on why possessing two ears does not necessarily mean we are equipped to truly listen to someone.
First, we are often distracted. In today's society, there is always something going on around us to occupy our attention. Truth be told, there are always many things going on around us. In addition to the things outside of us, there are plenty of distractions going on inside of our heads. What are we going to do tonight after we get off work? Who can we get to babysit the kids? How am I going to pay the bills this month? I can't believe this is happening to me…etc.
The distractions are endless. To truly listen to someone communicating with us, we must be willing to put aside all distractions, both inside and outside, and give that person our undivided attention. Admittedly, this is not easy. In fact, it is not even in the same ballpark as easy. You may be thinking at this point, "In order to give every person that communicates with us our undivided attention, we would have to constantly be pushing things out of our minds." Bingo! That is exactly what has to happen. In order to accomplish this, though, we must exert some heavy self-control on our minds. Let me guarantee you, that if you can train yourself to do this-to give each person your undivided attention-you will make them feel like the most important person in the world when they are talking to you. This will in turn make communication between you and that person much smoother, and even more enjoyable.
The second thing that I want to mention is that we often merely engage in hearing simply because we do not care what the other person is saying to us. We tend to think think that we know better, or that we have better things to do with our time, energy, and sympathy than to really care about what the other person is saying.
Unfortunately, there is no simple cure for this malady. I cannot get inside your head and force you to care about someone else enough to truly pay attention to them, so I will just recommend you consider the following: If no one else ever cared enough to pay attention to you, you would eventually begin to wonder whether you were worth listening to. Your self-confidence would be shaken, and you would start to doubt your worth in general. The truth is that every person deserves to be heard. Whether or not you agree with them is beside the point. Giving someone enough attention to say, "I truly care what you have to say, because you are a fellow human being" could change that person's entire life for the better.
Hearing comes naturally. Listening is an acquired skill.
For more fresh, candid, hard-hitting advice on interpersonal communication, visit me at SuccessIgnite.com!
Related Tags: listening, listening skills, ears, hear
Brock Henry is an interpersonal communication and personal success expert, with training in both communication and psychology. He offers a power-packed free e-course, entitled "Seven Days to Igniting Your Personal Success Energy" at his website: http://www.SuccessIgnite.com
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