In our mile-a-minute culture, it's all too easy to get disconnected from our goals and priorities. We often feel too busy to think beyond our day-to-day lives and we are surrounded, constantly, by messages about what we should want, what we need to buy and even what we should aspire to look like. It's easy to be swept away by the priorities the media, our boss, even our partner and our families have for us. When we don't take the time to examine what we truly want and to define our goals, priorities and values, we end up chasing our life rather than intentionally creating it. It's an easy trap to become stuck in. It's also an easy trap to rationalize--"I guess this is just how life has to be right now." Not true.

When my husband and I bought our home, the realtor suggested that we begin our hunt by making a list of everything we thought we wanted in a house. She said that while she couldn't promise we would find everything that we were looking for, if we didn't clearly state what we wanted, we were a lot less likely to find it.

That sounds pretty obvious. And yet, so many of us fail to take the time to be even that deliberate in outlining the life that we want to live.

Intentional living is living with deliberate purpose, moving on a path of our own creation. Reactive living is the opposite; it's life on the defensive. Living reactively means not being in charge of the path you are on. We're all busy, juggling multiple demands and of course there are times when we need to be reactive. We all spend time doing things we don't really want to do, or responding to someone else's ideas of what is important at the moment. However, if there is not a strong thread of intention, a sense of purpose, woven throughout our life, if the reacting starts to take the bulk of our energy, then life begins to feel like a hamster wheel moving at an out-of-control speed.

Is Life Leading You or are You Leading Your Life?

How do you begin to identify a life out of balance? It's when the three things you would list as most important to you are the last things that receive your attention--or when you don't even know what those three things are. It's when you are so focused on "getting everything done" that you are eating too much (or too little), or eating the wrong food, not spending time with the people you care about, drinking too much alcohol or caffeine, watching too much TV, not getting outside or getting the exercise you really need for your health--not being the person that you want to be with yourself and others.

Important clarification here: living intentionally is not about getting it all correct, it's about getting it the way you want it. Living with intention is a process, not the final destination. Moving intentionally through life can be achieved in very small steps, in the midst of very busy, demanding lives.

Do You Know Where You're Headed?

Here are some tips for identifying your priorities and goals and beginning to create more alignment in your life:

1. What are the three most important things in your life?

Write them down--now. How much quality time was devoted to each of these three things in the last week? Was it enough? Stating our priorities is one thing. The way we live and the places we chose to spend our life energy tell the truth about the priorities we are actually living. Post your three top priorities somewhere where you will see them often--by your computer, your refrigerator, in your checkbook. Are your values and actions in alignment? If not, I challenge you to come up with one small way you can begin to make a shift.

2. Where do you want to go?

Anyone who works with me knows that goals are really, really, really important. If you aren't clear about where you want to go, you aren't likely to get there. What are your goals for the next ninety days? The next six months? The next five years? If you don't know what they are, spend some time to define three ninety-day, six-month and five-year goals. Be specific and be concrete. Write these down too and put them somewhere where you will run across them regularly. You'll be amazed at the momentum that can be created simply by stating what you want! Update your goals at least every three months.

3. Create Space

Consider creating some sort of ritual in your life for focusing on your goals, taking inventory of where you are, and identifying what you want to address. Some people journal, others meditate, think while they run, or drink tea and make lists. It doesn't have to be a lengthy endeavor, but it should be something you do on a consistent basis.

The single act of defining your intentions is a powerful one. It is the preliminary and necessary step for defining the life you want to live and setting your course.