Essential Guidelines, Excerpt from Dear God, I Have Teenagers- Please Help!
Parents whose teens are thriving typically relate to their teens, rather than boss them around. They put themselves in their teenagers' shoes, and pick their battles when it comes to setting strict boundaries. They do not act like drill instructors; they do not order their teens around. They relate from their hearts, and their teens feel it.
As a result of receiving respectful communication from their parents, teens respond positively.
The following guidelines for verbal and nonverbal communication with your teens will be immediately helpful if taken in and applied.
Communication Guidelines
1. Never put your teen down in an insulting manner.
2. Always speak to your teen with the same respect you would show adults you have great respect for.
3. Carefully explain the reasoning behind whatever you request of your teen, such as curfews or sexual safety. Explain yourself exactly as you would to your own best friend.
4. Honor your teen's boundaries and privacy in an age-appropriate manner by asking questions with sincerity rather than in a threatening or demeaning tone.
5. If either your or your teen's temper flares up, state that you both need an hour or two to cool off and calm down so you can resolve the matter at hand in the best possible way; this will prevent communication from flying out of control and escalating into a volcanic eruption.
6. Never hit or physically touch your teenager in any inappropriate or hurtful manner. This is called abuse, and you can be put in jail for such treatment.
7. If you feel concerned or upset, phrase your concern by sharing your feelings instead of giving your teen the third degree as if he or she were on a witness stand.
8. Allow your teen to express him - or herself openly and honestly while you listen with full attention.
9. Reflect back what your teen has expressed to you just to be certain that you understand where he or she is coming from. This creates understanding and prevents unnecessary fights.
10. Always and under all circumstances honor who your teen is on the inside, even if he or she is different from what you prefer or what you were taught about gender roles.
For example, if your teen is a male and he wants to be a ballet dancer, honor him for it. This shows him that you love and accept him for who he is, which is crucial. Alternatively, if your teen is a female and she wants to work as an automotive engineer or any role that you may have been taught "should" be a male role, honor her choice just as you would if she told you she was interested in a career that you may view as more appropriate for females.
In the next chapter, I explain how crucial acceptance of your teen is; if there has been a downward spiral in attitude or behavior or both, it can be turned around.
© Copyright 2007 by Barbara Rose, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved. Dear God I Have Teenagers Please Help! is available at Amazon.Com and Barnes & Noble.Com in the USA, UK and Japan.
Related Tags: love, barbara rose, ph.d, positive parenting, getting teens to listen, communication with teenagers
Barbara Rose, Ph.D. is the best selling author of nine books including If God Hears Me, I Want an Answer!, Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE, and Know Yourself. She is an internationally recognized expert in personal transformation, relationships, consciousness and spiritual awakening, and a pioneering force in incorporating Higher Self Communication, the nondenominational study and integration of humanity's God Nature into modern personal growth and spiritual evolution. Dr. Rose is known for providing life changing answers, quick practical coaching and deep spiritual wisdom to people worldwide as the Founding Director of Institute of Higher Self Communication. Her highly acclaimed books, public speaking events, spiritual intensives, teleseminars, webcasts, and internationally published articles transform the lives of millions across the globe. Dr. Rose works in cooperation with some of the greatest spiritual leaders of our time, to uplift the spiritual consciousness of humanity. Web: http://BornToInspire.Com
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