When I turn over the Arts & Life section in my local newspaper to see how many "stars" my day will be after finishing a crossword puzzle (or two), I inevitably find myself browsing through the relationship question and answer pieces. And almost always, after reading such pieces, I find myself laughing or shaking my head rather than having an "ah-ha" moment. Why does it always seem like the advice is short-sighted and dull? Why, if the relationship expert is so credible that he/she is published nationally is there always, in another piece the next day, mail published from readers on both sides about why the advice was brilliant and why the advice was insane. Is the general public that stupid, or maybe, just maybe, is each situation in life so unique that it cannot be answered with a solution so short that it fits in the corner of a small box in the Arts & Life section? I will not make this an opinion essay on why a person should or should not use these advice columns. I will, however, make this an important insight into how advice should be given and from whom it should be given.

First off, experts are experts due to knowledge of theory, not experience. If this were not true, than we would seek out our elders much more often than we do. Theory is just that: theory. It is not unique to circumstances or situations and it is based on stereotypical and generalized happenings. Have you ever been in a discussion with a person who answers everything you have to say with, "Well, the research shows...?" The more the person says that, the more you are sure they have no idea what you are talking about, that they truly do not see your situation as unique, and that they are flat-out not listening. Well, this is somewhat because we want to believe our experiences are unique (even when they are not), but it is also because our lives and events are unique. I hate to say this because I despise his show, but that doctor on TV whose name rhymes with "dill" is so good at what he does because he takes the time to really get to know his "patients." The show seems impromptu, but it is quite the contrary. He gets the very deep, nitty-gritty about each situation and can with good objective reasoning surmise what he must get the people to realize in order for them to solve their problem(s). Who else do you know that does this, though maybe less objectively? Give up? How about your best friends or close family members? Which brings me to my next point.

Whenever people are to decide on action to a large problem in their lives, I believe they should have three things: as much knowledge on the problem as possible, as many different perspectives on the problem as possible, and as many options for solution as possible. This does not come in a gift-wrapped 20-line advice column written by someone 1500 miles away from the situation. The advice column can and should be used (if you choose to go that route) as part of the decision-making process, but never should it be the end-all to a problem. Family members, close friends, and even co-workers can be used for helpful opinions. They all carry some credibility. Some are more helpful and more in-line with your own beliefs than others, but they can still aid the decision-making process, especially if it helps in deciding what not to do. These opinions, coupled with your own intuition and experiences can ultimately give you great confidence in your solution (and that it is truly your own). Bully at school? Report it to a teacher and parent you trust! Cheating husband? Drop him, you deserve better! Okay, maybe. But people need to take the advice for what it is: advice, not the answer.

All of this being said, I would like to open up to anyone that wants another opinion on an issue to write me a comment or e-mail explaining his/her situation and I will try to feature an article solely on this "answer." I am simply one more opinion. My opinion will be objective, sure. My opinion will be guided by some theory (based on my degree and minor focus), true. But my opinion will also be guided by my own beliefs and my own experiences, thus making it unique in itself. Give me a shot. There is nothing I love more than solving problems. That is, in the very subjective sense, of course.