Hillary Clinton is trying to learn about strange beasts she has only heard tale of in song, myth and legend as she seeks the 2008 presidential nomination for the Democrat Party. Enter one Burns Strider who is a fixture among Democrats and helps them study the bizarre rituals of the elusive Christian.

It's a bold move for Hillary because to learn about these creatures who are only slightly understood (by liberals anyway) will require the presidential hopeful to pack up her rucksack, adorn boots that surely will not match her eyes, dress in low end clothing and leave the comfy confines of Washington DC. It will require Hillary to set out into the wilderness in order to study everything from Christian family life and social structure to their frequent gatherings in places called "churches" in order to better understand how she can convince them to vote for her as she runs for the White House.

I'm sure Mr. Strider makes a pretty penny educating dullards locked away in Capitol Hill offices and million dollar mansions about how the vast majority of Americans live. This just goes to show you that people really will pay for anything. In the past it was the Pet Rock. Today it to understand the obvious.

So I thought maybe I would give Hillary the advice for free. Having lived among the Christians for all thirty-four years of my life it will be far easier than her trying to understand them in two short years. Plus she won't have to forego a single Washington social gathering or cocktail party.

First, Christians believe in God. And not just any old god or multiple "gods" but the God with a capital "G".

Now Hillary, sit down please. Because I don't want you to fall over in shock over this next tidbit. Not only do Christians believe in God but they believe that God actually set forth some things called "Commandments" which are general rules for living.

I know! It's shocking! God as a source of moral authority and not the government? Barbarians!

Ah, but there is more! See, these Christians also tend to believe that God sent them this guy called Jesus to die for their sins. No, no, not Jesus your gardener from Mexico Hillary. Jesus Christ is the man to which Christians refer and he died about two thousand years ago.

Furthermore Christians read from this book called the "Bible". I know! This is even more shocking! Christians can read? Yep. You bet they can.

This "Bible" is like a manual for that car your chauffeur drives you around in and that he has to look at every now and again to figure out how the car works. Except that instead of telling him that when the change oil light comes on that it is time to change the oil, the Bible chronicles the acts of God and also the teachings of this guy Jesus Christ.

So what else can I tell you about Christians Hillary? Oh, I know! Most Christians would like nothing more than to be able to practice their faith and be left alone by government.

They would like to be able to put up a manger scene depicting the birth of Christ on public property which their tax dollars pay for and sing actual Christmas Hymns and not be relegated to Frosty the Snowman at school "Christmas" pageants without fear of being sued by the ACLU. They would like to be able to wish people a "Merry Christmas" at Christmas without fear that someone is going to badger them for being insensitive towards other religions and made up holidays like Kwanzaa. And they certainly would prefer that Easter which is one of their major holidays be known more for the resurrection of their Lord Jesus Christ than a weird bunny hopping around and distributing painted eggs.

And most importantly Hillary is this. Christians would like to think that they can vote for someone who isn't so out of touch with them that she has to hire a "consultant" to teach her their ways and lead her into the mist to discover the vast majority of America.